Has any attempt been made to seek professional help? With severe depression the only solution is professionals, and breaking up with her will likely lead to suicide attempts.
Father controlling shit is common as heck in Taiwan, it’s just the way things are with filial piety and all that. She needs to make a decision as to whether or not she will let her parents control her, they will have to come around eventually, but it’s a long process. Most Taiwanese have basically no backbone when it comes to family because often there’s financial control/dependence of some sort making the control even more effective. It doesn’t help that employers here pay like shit (so you HAVE TO depend on your family).
I provided more details in the follow-up comments to the original post. The answer is yes, she has sought out professional help. It has been going for months but her situation has only gotten worse in the meantime.
And it’s the other way around - her parents aren’t “rich” and ask her to transfer 10000 NT per month to their account. She has a sister (who’s legitimately bonkers, but that’s outside the scope of this post) who has to do the same. She hasn’t gotten a cent from her family after graduation.
The major major consensus here is get out.
I waited to say this, but pay landlord 2 months rent, write a Dear Jane letter, pack up secretly, and after leaving, get new SIM #. You’re trying to stave off hot molten lava coming at you from her and her parents with paper towels.
She needs to find ways to break the control with her parents. What if she refuses to transfer 10,000nt a month? That’s a huge amount for most working Taiwanese working average jobs, most jobs paid around 30,000 if that (and that’s working overtime too)
She needs to find better professionals, maybe adjust medication/dosage. I find SSRI does jack shit and it has withdraw too.
Any suggestions for couples counselors in Taiwan? I’ve brought this up before and she is down to attend sessions, but I haven’t found anyone yet. So far she has seen a few therapists and psychiatrists.
Don’t. Just fucking don’t. You’re trying to fix her. Just fucking don’t. This is not a normal person and you’re putting your energy, time and money into a seriously stupid situation. It sounds like this is your first relationship with a chick who is probably above your batting average in looks. You have some jingle in your pockets so you’ve got the confidence that that brings. Stop being a doofus about this. You are likely dreading going home after work because of this. Take this advice from someone who “dated” a smokeshow with these same traits once upon a time. Stop. Things will not change and you will not be appreciated for fixing a broken person.
I’m afraid I don’t know anybody personally. However having read your latest comment about her sending money to her parents every month - your money, I assume - and pondering more on what you’ve written previously, I really think it’s time to just cut your losses. This person is unfixable, and you are getting nothing out of this. You owe her nothing. A few months’ rent - as @flatlandr said - is more than she deserves or should expect.
The problem you face is simply mustering the impetus to GTFO. Right now you probably feel like you’re wading through molasses, but it’s imperative that you make a concrete plan to extricate yourself from this dumpster fire. If you have friends you can lean upon, then do so. It’s very hard to do this by yourself.
OP, can also expect at least 2 “suicide attempts” post break-up and approximately 3 high drama situations that only he can help solve (scooter crash, lost dog, parents not talking to her, etc.).
Thanks once again for your response. I guess I’ll be looking for an Airbnb, packing up two suitcases and moving there for a couple of months. Of course I won’t be able to move all my belongings (e.g. furniture, appliances etc) but that’s fine. Totally no clue how she’s going to react however, and no clue what will be of my apartment later.
Dude get yourself help. Good psychiatrist and work with this person hard. Don’t change it. Stick to it.
Forget about that chick. She is dangerous, so is her whole family. As long you won’t work hard on yourself you will no be able to get decent gf. Stay outside of relations for few years until you have improved.
It comes down either you want to have a good life or not.
I don’t have any firsthand knowledge of counseling services in Taiwan, but the two posts linked below, from 2010, seem to have suggestions (and there may be other informational posts on the board):
Their Internet address given above appears to have changed. This looks like a more recent one:
I guess this is the Community Service Center’s address and location on Google Maps (or I hope it is):
About the hospital referenced immediately above, so far I haven’t found a specific phone number for their psychiatry/psychology services, but their website says they provide community mental health services (社區心理衛生服務), among other services:
The above, translated by Google Translate (fingers crossed):
I got the above from a psychiatry page on their website:
Obvious excuse. He didn’t want her to go because it would be clear that she was sharing a bed with a guy, and a foreign one at that, outside of marriage. Massive loss of face for him and mom.
Probably because you’re living together without being married. See above.
Politely tell her parents about everything you’ve shared her - the depression, self harm, suicide attempts - and let them deal with it.
As others have said, it’s not the job of a partner to “fix” their other half.
In fact by enabling her to not work and avoid her parents, you might be making the situation worse - as she doesn’t have to actually resolve any of her problems (look up codependent relationships).
Probably because you’re living together without being married
He doesn’t have a clue about this.
Politely tell her parents about everything you’ve shared her - the depression, self harm, suicide attempts - and let them deal with it.
I don’t think this is the right way to go. Her parents aren’t ones that listen to reason. If they know the truth they will likely isolate her even more, and would lead to her getting even more depressed. Her parents don’t think logically or practically and it’s all about “traditions” to them.