The long-ass ones. Like the 6-10 second ones. What the f**k’s up with that even?!

Never had 'em. Had to/still have to endure 'em from certain filthy-ass family members. They’re the bane of my existence.

Why can’t some people just get their farts over and done with, in sub-2 seconds, like a normal person??

There’s gotta be a scientific explanation.

There is, and it’s called: establishing dominance.


Every fart that goes beyond 5 seconds is a challenge: will you be up to it, though? That’s the real question.


Just consider yourself lucky that they aren’t sharts.

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You’re not drinking enough whisky then

…Do I even wanna know

@discobot fortune

:crystal_ball: Outlook not so good

Now ask yourself, should I move this to Fun and Games?

@discobot fortune

:crystal_ball: Concentrate and ask again

OK, Thinking harder now, should I move this to Fun and Games?

@discobot fortune

:crystal_ball: Without a doubt

thank you, oracle.

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yes I’m 5 years old

Hi! To find out what I can do, say @discobot display help.

I have no idea, but I think if you farted longer than 10 seconds you’d probably just drop dead right after.

Sometimes I’m at a fancy dinner for a long time. And I have to hold my farts in. It builds up and I end up with a long faint fat of air coming out after I get away to finally let it out.

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My coworker squeaked out a fart in the office yesterday and I pretended I didn’t hear it, but we both know I did. I think she thought it would be silent, but it made its presence known.

You don’t fart? You’re weird.

Where ere you be, let your wind go free,
In church or chapel, just let it rattle,
For the holding of one,
Was the death of me…:dash::dash::dash:

My father taught me this as a kid, and I still do - MRT, supermarket, street, home, temple, even the WC as long as its loud and long.

As I believe in gender equality is this topic for guys only?