Damn. Birthday 1 June, last Monday. I feel so bad. I even crapped her out all day for waking me up for sex. She didn’t lay anything on me, but…
What is it with wimmen? I don’t even remember my own birthday, let alone other peoples’. Fer fs, I don’t even know my parents’ birthdays. Before my birthday I tell everyone every day for a month before so I know I’m going to get nice pressies. But wimmen! You must just smell!
What can I do to atone? Advice from fellow forumosans appreciated.
Don’t think you can, really.
Gold? Diamonds?DP?
Jokes aside, I just hauled my drunken ass down to the florist and filled the living room with flowers as a surprise for when she gets back from crap let’sclaimasaturdayoffyoubecauseofdragonboatfestival work. Will that suffice, or do I need to put out as well?
Really, when it comes to arbitary dates, wimmen are like elephants (albeit less grey and hoary, generally).
It would seem you are up a certain creek without a certain instrument.
A month of slave labour and extra-niceties might do the trick.
[quote=“jimipresley”]Damn. Birthday 1 June, last Monday. I feel so bad. I even crapped her out all day for waking me up for sex. She didn’t lay anything on me, but…
What is it with wimmen? I don’t even remember my own birthday, let alone other peoples’. Fer fs, I don’t even know my parents’ birthdays. Before my birthday I tell everyone every day for a month before so I know I’m going to get nice pressies. But wimmen! You must just smell!
What can I do to atone? Advice from fellow forumosans appreciated.[/quote]
Take her to my beer drinking thing tonight! Once she sees you in your element, drinking and chatting like barfly hero, she’ll forgive you for your minor faults!
(Oh, and buy her something expensive that she can show off to her friends, like an LV purse, fancy jewelry, etc. Once her friends admire it and she can say how it was her birthday present she’ll look at the whole thing in a new light. Bottom line? 20K should do it!)
Hmmm. I don’t think it will suffice. Try to take back the flowers quick.
If I were you, I’d give her somethin’ especially nice now to make up for your forgetfulness.
I saw a guy demonstrating a newfangled mop in the nightmarket. It’s called The Adjusta-Length, Easy-Squeeze Sumthinerother, and (supposedly) it will cut down on her cleaning time. What woman wouldn’t be happy about that?!
Don’t put out over such a minor infraction . . . us guys gotta have some pride!
You’re welcome.
[quote=“zender”]
I saw a guy demonstrating a newfangled mop in the nightmarket. It’s called The Adjusta-Length, Easy-Squeeze Sumthinerother, and (supposedly) it will cut down on her cleaning time. What woman wouldn’t be happy about that?![/quote]
Mr Zender, you are at the cutting edge of redemption. 
Yup, the flowers are good.
Also, take her out to dinner, and book a hotel room for the night.
That should suffice.
Oh, and get yourself a diary. 
[quote=“Anubis”]
Oh, and get yourself a diary. [/quote]
Thank you, Mr/Ms Anubis. Yes, I should actually enter all relevant dates into my telephone reminder thingie.
DON’T DO THAT!
Why would you want to record this episode?!
She’ll forget all about it once you get her the mop!
Under
no
circumstance should you put anything in writing!
Gold? Diamonds?DP?
Jokes aside, I just hauled my drunken ass down to the florist and filled the living room with flowers as a surprise for when she gets back from crap let’sclaimasaturdayoffyoubecauseofdragonboatfestival work. Will that suffice, or do I need to put out as well?
Really, when it comes to arbitary dates, wimmen are like elephants (albeit less grey and hoary, generally).[/quote]
You know what she would really love?
That you clean the house, do the laundry, cook dinner for today and tomorrow, do the shopping, etc… in summary, clear up whatever needs to be done so she can stay tomorrow at home and have sex with you all day.
Now that’ll make her happy and forgive all past and future tresspasses.
And that’ll raise her expectations for your future performance right into the stratosphere!
Look, you made a little mistake. Don’t go overboard. The mop is just right.
It’s not one of those yarn-on-bamboo cheapos; it’s gonna cost you nearly NT$200!
Her birthday was the 1st. It’s now the 6th. If she were going to kill you, she’d have done it already. I think you’re safe now. 
She’s been busy. Her day off she’ll start thinking, considering, plotting…
I’d be afraid. Very afraid. 
Her day off, I’m guessing, is when she does the floors.
Am I right?
What burns me the most is that she had to work today and I didn’t. Thing is, I started complaining about how bored I’d be for the next 6 hours. So what does she do? Goes under a pile of rubble in the bedroom and digs out something. Presents it to me. “Honey”, she says, “I was keeping this for your birthday, but I don’t want you to be bored today, so you can have it now”. The video game I’ve been scouring the mean streets of Taipei for the last year looking for in an English version. Transpires she imported it from the USA for my birthday. Fuck, do I feel BAD! 
OMG, I’m feeling for you but I can’t stop laughing… The is no creek deep enough for the things you are in…
Edit: actually you might get away with it if there is a Tiffany box for her on the table when she gets back.
Mr/Ms Lappy thank you for your kind advice. I could definitely get her a Tiffany box, but the apprehension she would experience prior to opening it, contrasted to the disappointment of finding nothing inside would only exacerbate my predicament.
Nice advice from Ms Icon, too, but I struggle to clean my scrotum, let alone a whole apartment.
The reality of the situation: I’m a pathetic, selfish drunk who is going to take her out tonight for a romantic evening at Mr BigJohn’s beer drinking competition.
Advice: Which is less painful: Throwing myself off of the roof of Taipei 101, suffocation by hanging from a doorknob with my belt (how the fuck did Hutchins manage that?), whisky overdose, castration by wild Taiwan Street Dog, or asphixiation by breathing in poisonous toads?
Ehem, it’s Senorita Icon, if you please. Thank you.
Hombres… 
Hold on!
You didn’t say anything about HER giving YOU a present!
That changes EVERYTHING!
And it was a video game you’d been jonesin’ for fer whoknowshowlong?!
You’d best take her someplace nicer than John’s shindig. ( No offence, Big John)
She likes Cantonese food, right?
Take her to the Brother Hotel (Fuhsing and Nanjing) for Dim Sum. Ask her to tell you what’s best to eat.
And while you’re waiting for one of the carts to roll by, surprise her with the mop!
(Note: Icon’s obviously playin’ fer the other team. No guy would tell ya to do a ton a housework!)
As for your struggles with scrotum and apartment cleaning, a Helpful Hint from Heloise was to do BOTH at the same time . . . Have you ever seen a dog rubbing its butt on the floor? That could be you!