I second the dim sum/mop idea.
It cannot fail!
Sheet! My SO is 50 years old. Not likely to be impressed by Tiffany, etc.
[quote=“jimipresley”]My dear friends, you have been most helpful and insightful as regards my predicament. However, I see that we have strayed slightly off-topic.
To return: What can I do to atone that doesn’t require spending money or standing up?[/quote]
Give up poker and other “productive” activities and devote that time to her happiness, for a month.
And next time remember by the next day or two at least. wtf?
I was typing a detailed reply, but it got eaten by some computer wierdness. Nice hotel. Room full of flowers there. Draw a bath, slowly undress your wife while commenting on parts you like, wash hair, then with cloth or sponge wash all other bits. Dry wife. Do not join bath so be sure you are clean first in case of after bath sex.
[quote=“jimipresley”]
Sheet! My SO is 50 years old. Not likely to be impressed by Tiffany, etc.[/quote]
Depends?
Woah! Woah! Woah!
You didn’t give us the whole story from the start!
We’ve been mislead (Twice, so far!) as to the severity of your predicament, and we, as a result, have been misleading you.
You never said it was her 50th!
See, 50 is kind of a special one, and I think the Dim Sum and mop might not be quite enough.
No, a more expensive mop (I know that’s what you were thinking) is not gonna do it.
You need to bring your mop AND guitar to The Brother Hotel.
When you surprise her with the mop . . . THAT’S when you break out the guitar and start into “You’re Something Special to Me.”
youtube.com/watch?v=ATM12Cogw24
When you finish the song, tell her about that incredulously (hope I’m using the word correctly) expensive item you ordered over the net that didn’t arrive on time. (She sees you :fume: ; you know the truth :liar: )
Get a bit emotional at this point. Scream out,
“Damn You, Victoria Secret!”
as you shake your fist and look toward the heavens.
Keep an eye on her at this stage . . . She may be consoling you, or at least demonstrating in some way that you have done enough.
Don’t go overboard . . . (see earlier posts about raising expectations TOO high)
Hope this helps.
Oh, and if you know when you’re going to be at The Brother Hotel, could you just let us know in advance, so some of us could be there as wingmen . . . wingpeople . . .
Thanks.
[quote=“jimipresley”]
Sheet! My SO is 50 years old. Not likely to be impressed by Tiffany, etc.[/quote]
Is she 50ish or 50 exactly, if the later one is the case then you might as well go and look at the view from ontop of 101… Not even a full Tiffany box will help. 
Perhaps you could give her little tickets that say (for example) “Good for one toilet cleaning” or “Good for one floor-mopping.” That way you’d get the credit of helping around the house, without establishing a dangerous precedent for the future. (I’ve used these several times–my mother was grateful, but my ex-girlfriend threw them back in my face.)
You can cheat, too. For example, slipping in a few “Good for one night of wild sex” tickets will free you from that much housework, and as likely as not, get you what you want too. (Don’t give these to Mom, though.) Or you could promise to clean the toilet, but do it by pissing those little clingy pieces of fecal matter down the drain. After a few weeks, wifey’s expectations should be lowered back to normal.
Another possibility is books from the Campus Bookstore, across the street from Tai Da. It’s a Christian bookstore. They’ve got some on sex! (Which must be a great help to young married couples as they negotiate this awkward and painful subject.)
If I may go off topic, I’d just like to welcome back Screaming Jesus.
The Mop! :discodance:
The Mop! :discodance:
The Mop! :discodance: