First time to “date” a Taiwanese man

Hi, I have known this guy from work for about 8months until he resigned from the job. The thing is I think we are not ordinary colleagues. He treated me very well and somewhat took care of me, our other colleagues often tell me that he treats me differently from the others which I also notice, because sometimes he surprises me with some stuff but no flowers, chocolates or any sweets.

Last January he told me that he will be leaving the job on May, I felt sad because I thought we are inseparable. Then around February I was joking to him saying that “If you leave how about me? I am going to miss you, I will be sad without you” then I was shocked with his reply in all seriousness telling me “Do not worry I will return here, not to work but to see you”

Then the month of May came and its his last day, he left without saying any word, just like that as if he didn’t know me, I cried for days because its over. 3months passed and no chat or anything

But girl, I am not giving up as I thought, I know deep down that he likes me too, so what I did is I chat him in Line and asked how he is, then told him that one of these days I will go see you.

He said that “okay then let’s meet and have lunch or dinner, The earlier we meet each other the better”

Well my friends told me that its already an “official date” in terms of Taiwanese dating, Taiwanese guys mostly are shy, they do not usually approach the girls that they like, so I guess its up to me then?

I just want to confirm if this is really a DATE, please help me understand. Thank you

If this is a real post, good luck and take it ‘step by step’. Don’t let your expectations run FAR ahead of reality.

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There’s only one way to find out…go out with him and see what happens. Good luck.

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As far as I know, “Date” doesn’t have an official definition and it is difficult to know what comes under date and what comes under a “Hangout”. Either way, you should be yourself and independent of whether the outing is a date or just a regular hangout , try to figure out the guy a bit more so that you can be prepared in case there is anything next for you.

I will, thank you.

Thank you.

Take it easy. Don’t rush into things. Enjoy the date for what it is, don’t overthink.

As a general rule, regardless of nationality, I find that guys would often pursue you if they really like you. They could be bored (lol) but consistency would always reveal intentions. And if you decide to confess, if they’re just really shy, they’re going to 'fess up too.

My Taiwanese friend’s wife was his colleague. They were friends first, and their first date was initiated by her. But according to him, before that date happened, they were kind of unofficial already. There’s no clear courtship but they just happened.

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I think he’s married.

Also, OP you might want to hide your identity.

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Hi theyouhan, thank you for the advice, I will enjoy the date whatever it is.
Well I don’t know if he tried to pursue me, but I kinda felt it when he is still here in the same company, his little gestures shows it.

  1. He reminds me to keep hydrated or do not skip meal every single day
  2. Since we are dormitory coordinators, we tend to bring workers to clinics or hospitals if they are unwell, which he wouldn’t let me do it alone. We will ride on his car to take us to hospitals or clinics, and I should call him if we are done. One time I didn’t call he was like irritated or something.
  3. Whenever my mom is sick he volunteers to take us to the hospital and he will wait until we are done, he stays up late, calls me or wait for me to get back to the dormitory whenever my mom is in the emergency, well he also brought me food.
  4. He sometimes scolds me whenever I get too impulsive buying things online
  5. He always buys me hot soup during winter “so I won’t get cold”
  6. When my motorcycle was broken, he voluntarily handed me the key of his motorcycle so I can travel conveniently, plus he did not let me spend any amount for the gas.
  7. Whenever we go out to attend some meetings or foreign workers’ party, he actually holds my things even my bag for some weird reason.
  8. I even made him wait on the road at night one time after working in the Foreign workers’ year end party, since we have not taken our vehicles with us and we were assigned 6 buses each coordinator we were separated. I didn’t know he waited for me while its raining for an hour and left the place. When I get back in the dormitory I saw him standing in the front porch looking out, when he saw me again I got scolded, I shouted back " I didn’t asked you to wait" then at my desk there is a hot soup waiting for me.
  9. People around us noticed that whenever he is talking, he always looks at me or my other colleagues caught him staring at me while I work.
  10. He never lets me pay whenever we eat out with others, like I am the only one he treats.

well those are some small things that he did for me when he was still working here and there’s a lot more actually.

So when he left I was like devastated then he didn’t actually communicate with me, it really confuses me.

I tried asking him out before just a friendly date or hang out when we are still colleagues but he refuses every single time, then I just got shocked 3 days ago when I jokingly told him that I will go see him in Taipei, he just agreed no other remarks or anything.

Well what is your opinion about this? and Thank you

Not always. Depends on the guy.

Taiwanese men have been often criticized as lacking initiative/confidence by some Western standards. Could be true, everyone has their standards, but it is also possible that he was waiting for a bit of reciprocation as a clue you actually liked him. I have suffered from this kind of passive mindset, and am only interested in long-term relationships, which has cost me more than a few opportunities (I have been told).

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Hi there, he’s not yet married or never been married, he told me that his last relationship was 10 years ago because of bad relationship experience, well he got cheated on.

So it is not really easy on his part.
and he is a type of guy who doesn’t share his personal life story to just anyone until you earned his respect, which I did, because I know him more than any one in our colleagues, they know him and some of his stories but not the deeper part of it like his Family or private life.

before we often talk at night until past 2am before we sleep, but yeah that was before.

Maybe also ask him this during your date? Not in a threatening or accusing way, but just to see what his thoughts are?

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Well I often heard that Taiwanese men are shy type and lack courage or confidence when it comes to the girl they like. Well some shows it by giving gifts or doing stuff for the girl, which sometimes be mistaken as a friendly gesture. My friend who is married to a Taiwanese guy told me that this guy I like certainly likes me too but just too shy to admit it, like me; a girl have to make a certain move for him to know that I am open and accepting him.

I think I have done a bit of reciprocation, I actually put an effort to surprise him on his birthday, when he was sick I took good care of him, but I just can’t show it fully because again, I am confused… I am not used to this kind of uhmm Approach?

In the Philippines, mostly if a guy likes a girl he will tell her and court her, so she will know.
I also been single for 6 years and focused on myself and my son, btw I am a single mom.

so yeah I already bought a tea set gift box for him, he like to drink tea and somewhat traditional.

Thank you, I am planning to do that too, since its a first that he agreed to go out with me

You might want to ask some taiwanese guys their opinion. Is asking a bunch of foreigners what a taiwanese guy is thinking really going to be that helpful?

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Think less, enjoy more.

@rushliao02 you say this guy has agreed to go out with you. Instead of analyzing what has happened in the past and why this guy has or hasn’t done certain things, why not go in with an open mind, have fun and see where it leads?

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Based from your list, you’re doing couple-y things. BUT, you were colleagues working closely with each other. I’ve worked with Taiwanese men who can be sweet but nothing more. Extra polite, extra nice. Maybe it was an open invitation for something more, but it’s the attached men who are usually flirtatious with me haha. The single ones are easy to read. They’re either friendly or would just ask me out–starts with lunch or late afternoon tea, the usual milk tea or coffee on my desk, then progresses to a dinner date, movie, the works haha.

As a personal rule, if a guy doesn’t ask me out I take it to mean we’re just friends. But I have been told by both female and male Taiwanese that dating here is pretty equal. Anyone can ask anybody out. It’s not a norm for women to wait for men to make the first move. I have never tried asking out a Taiwanese guy. A Taiwanese guy friend actually encouraged me to try to make the first move just to experience it.

I’m not sure why your guy took a while to get in touch…do you know if he’s dated a foreigner before? Taiwanese men can be direct but not as assertive as you might expect, so I think when they’re dating a foreigner the same rules for Taiwanese women don’t apply. I often have to drop clear hints that I like them.

So, just ask him, and be honest about what you feel then tell him. I’m sure even if it doesn’t work out as you hoped (knocks on wood) he would treat you with care. He seems like a nice guy. All you have to do is prepare yourself for whatever might happen.

Good luck! :slight_smile:

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What you said are on point, he have never dated any foreigner and a half Taiwanese like, he dated mostly a local like him…

What he did to at first was asks or reminds me simple things like drink water, eat food or take meds, then from time to time he puts coffee or food on my table, then we ended up eating together at office but he never asked me out for lunch or dinner… if we do go out to eat it will be a group of 3 but its always my choice of food or restaurant, sometimes I’m being cheeky and will tell him I would like to eat at a pricey steakhouse restaurant or I want coffee from starbucks, welp he happily obliged…

I have also asked some of my Taiwanese friends and those who are married with Taiwanese men, they almost said the same thing, That He likes me and its a Date, one crucial thing is I have to make our 1st date as interesting as possible or fun. So there might be a second one and who knows he might introduce me to his family, I should make him feel comfortable like we are just catching up from were we left…

My friend also told me that She can see that the goal of the Guy I like is to find someone to Marry, not just a casual relationship so he’s taking his time and weighing matters.

The idea of us being not colleagues anymore and going out only the two of US makes me nervous and pressured, I just recently learned that he is not an average guy, he is the nephew of my BOSS where I work, the owner of the company, he is also the best friend of my Boss’ Son… me and my friend just keeping this to ourselves, we don’t really want to cause rumors or be the talk of the town.

So yeah, my friends told me that I should gift him a set of Tea which is very important to that KIND of household and status… I just bought a tea gift set to present to him…

Well its a first for me to ask out a guy regardless of the race, hahaha my goodness, you can try to and experience some diversity I guess.

Just ask him straight up if it’s a date or not because you’re not sure.

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Sure I will, thank you…

I am happy and also nervous that I get to go out with him.

And yes goodluck to me!

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