That explains the Brexit…
Dictionaries give up and add second ‘o’ to ‘lose’
13th April 2018
DICTIONARIES have admitted defeat and announced that from now on ‘lose’ will be spelt ‘loose’.
The move follows the apparent inability of the entire English-speaking world to spell a simple four-letter word correctly, and is a profound humiliation for Western civilisation.
Oxford English Dictionary editor Julian Cook said: “You cannot win a battle against 300 million illiterate idiots. You can only loose.
“We’ve fought bravely to defend intellectual standards and educate people that ‘loose’ is already an actual word with a specific meaning but they weren’t having it.
“It means ‘not tight’, by the way.
“Ultimately language is owned by its users, even if they are pillocks. So from now on, ‘lose’ is spelt ‘loose’. And we are all the loosers.”
Emma Bradford of Hitchin said: “It really annoys me when people say ‘specifically’ when they actually mean ‘pacifically’. Fix that next.”
Graduate looking for ‘easy life’ decides to be a teacher
4th August 2017
A POLITICS graduate with no real ambitions in life has decided to give in and just become a teacher.
Tom Logan, aged 24, has resolved that working for a living is not for him and he will instead trade his 2:1 degree for a career of short days, 13 weeks’ holiday a year and watching the money roll in.
He said: “I considered several demanding career paths that would reward hard work and dedication, but in the end I just took the easy option.
“Secondary school, probably English or History though I did get a C in GCSE Maths so teaching A-level is an option. I imagine I’ll be the cool one.
“You know the drill: sit on a chair backwards, amaze them by knowing who Tupac is, inspire a few tough kids from the wrong side of the tracks into sharing their raw but brilliant poems.
“I’ll be inspirational all the way until half-three, then I’ll be straight in the pub because it’s more or less a part-time job.”
A Department of Education spokesman said: “We’ve cut pay, we’ve massively increased marking, we’ve done our best. But yeah, basically. Easy Street for life.”
SnAK-47
I like this. #mashupmemes
After the first line I was really hoping there would be a cock-related punchline…
Sigh.
Well, they have one very big thing in common 
