Funny Taiwanese news stories

Taiwan Living in Taiwan
1

They’ve been excelling themselves of late.

Last night I saw a minor traffic incident where a white guy drove into the back of a taxi. The taxi driver came out with a golf club in order to retrieve some face and instead of doing what was culturally required, ie apologising profusely, the white guy did the red blooded male thing and after very easily wrestling him to the ground he started so slap him around a bit. Of course, due to the race factor it made the national news :doh:

This morning I saw that a building had collapsed and they found that the builders had used newspaper as a building material :laughing: .

I wish I could find links for all this crap. Helps to while away the time when you’re sick.

2

What actually happened (supposedly happened), is the taxi driver was beeping at the guy as he was slow to go through the lights. Then the foreign guy jumped out, opened the drivers door , went to punch and kick him through the door.

After that the taximan got out, went for his golf club in the back. The other guy was ready for him and knocked him down. Then everybody drove off.

The foreigner was out of order with his level of violence. Lucky he didn’t get caught by a bunch of drivers.

3

[quote=“headhonchoII”]What actually happened (supposedly happened), is the taxi driver was beeping at the guy as he was slow to go through the lights. Then the foreign guy jumped out, opened the drivers door , went to punch and kick him through the door.

After that the taximan got out, went for his golf club in the back. The other guy was ready for him and knocked him down. Then everybody drove off.

The foreigner was out of order with his level of violence. Lucky he didn’t get caught by a bunch of drivers.[/quote]

I must have misunderstood what supposedly happened.

Newspaper story was funny. Anyone have any links?

4

Oh this bad, bad, bad guy, behaving so totally wrong.

:laughing: :thumbsup: :whistle:

5

Many years ago, before the Internet, I collected the following Taiwan news headlines and classifieds (I actually cut them out and am looking at them as I type) and type them exactly as they appeared:

[b]
[color=#0000FF]Ju Accused of Election Celebration Rape; Damning Tape Evidence Claim

Prosecutors Investigate ‘Black Magic’ Charges

Police Forced to Visit Houses of Ill-Repute

Politicians Thwart Efforts of Hypnotist

‘I Love Breasts’ Campaign Begins

Man Forced to Masturbate

CBC Print Shop Found to be Radioactive

Singapore to Feast on Saucy Spread - A Singapore hotel has concocted an unusual Valentine’s Day love potion for those seeking to boost their sexual prowess. The saucy spread of bull’s penises and crocodile tails is being offered for S$ 150 per person… An after-dinner pot, containing the genitals of dogs, deer and seals, tops off the love birds’ feast.

Body-Model Wanted - Video project “Kama-Sutra” - Casting female body model 18 or over, with or without experience… nudity required (want ad)

Mr. XXXXX, Please call me to open my house for taking away your luggages and clarify the situation before July 20th (Classifieds)

Slanted-eyed? Jewish art can restore the normal position of your eyes (Classifieds)

Two Chinese girls, good personality. Both have studied aboard, speak fluent English, seek for native English speaker for friendship and language exchange. (Male have to be up to 180cm) (Classifieds)

Taiwan’s First Blind Baseball Team Set to Play Ball

Man Urges Smaller Condems

Lawmakers are Big Casanovas: Legislator - Taiwan’s 164 lawmakers reportedly have 1,000 mistresses, or about eight lovers per representative, a local paper quoted DPP Legislator Hsieh Tsung-min as saying… The controversial statement caused quite a stir among lawmakers of different parties… some demanded to know what lawmaker could afford so many mistresses and others expressed admiration over the apparent feats.

Survey Finds Most Teen Boys Masturbate

DORTS Resorts to ‘Chi Kung’

Family Harrassed by Snakes

Rampaging Lawmaker Suspended from Caucus: Lawmaker Who Tried to Strangle Colleague Denounced

Woman Kills Husband with Poison Soup - … by putting 30 sleeping pills in a ginseng and pig’s heart soup, which she cooked for him

21 Students Nailed for Necking

Gangs to be Banned from Political Parties

Survey Shows Popularity of Fortune Tellers

Man Begs Tiger to Eat Him

Top Politicians Turning to Faith-Healers for Answers

Master Takes Buddha to Students for Help on Exams

Woman Knifed - The seven women victims had this much in common: they were all young ladies with short skirts and long hair. Criminal psychology experts said the perpetrator might have a sadistic man who hates young women with short skirts and long hair[/color]
.[/b]

Some of you might remember some of those!

1 Like
6

[quote=“Tigerman”]
Woman Knifed - The seven women victims had this much in common: they were all young ladies with short skirts and long hair. Criminal psychology experts said the perpetrator might have a sadistic man who hates young women with short skirts and long hair[/quote]

I guess their Psychology degrees come from the same source where the people in my job interviews (me being the wannebe-team leader) get their California CSC master degrees from.

7

Pure gold, tigerman. It sounds like you lived in interesting times.

8

Saw this yesterday: Woman’s cup size shrank from 34D to 34B after eating hotpot for three days in a row.

9

That explains it. I’ve been wondering why since I got here.

10

Hope you feel better soon, as well as the rest of the family. Gonna miss those after work breaks.

11

I don’t recall any particular funny news or headline… but I was once in the national news… and THAT was funny… and kinda bizarre

12

A long time ago I saw on TV news that shooting on her legs while making out resulted in pregnancy…

Most Taiwanese thinks they put out stupid news because there’s nothing really happening in Taiwan. I mean compared to Europe or America Taiwan is relatively peaceful, no terrorist attacks or major disasters (well there’s typhoon or earthquakes), no war to speak of. I do notice that whenever the government really wanted to do something about a problem, for example drunk driving, the news would constantly make stories about it (like anytime someone gets killed by a drunk driver it becomes national news). Makes you wonder if the government really controls the media.

13

Excellent Tigerman :slight_smile:

14

Stray dog takes over parked van, scared car owners ask for help, takes 20 minutes to remove dog…

3/4 of a page in that pieces of news, two photos… sigh

15

[quote=“Icon”]Stray dog takes over parked van, scared car owners ask for help, takes 20 minutes to remove dog…

3/4 of a page in that pieces of news, two photos… sigh[/quote]
I would love to see a link for this (or for other stories of interest) - perhaps it could help with my Chinese reading!

This also makes me wonder: sometimes I’ll look at a newspaper story, and at first think I understand it, and then think “No - there’s no chance a news story would actually be about that.” But maybe I do understand them. :ponder:

16

Sorry, was from a newspaper that I just thew away, not so new.

I tried reading from the GuoYu ReBao, it was just too complicated and the bopomofo proved distracting. I find I read more and understand more from Apple Daily -God help me- but I also face the same issue you do. Then I take teh news bit to my boss/coworkers and ask them: is this about this and that? And most of the time they reply: why are you reading that junk?! So, yes, many times teh news seem… illogical. It could be the writing, it could be the content. It might not be your misunderstanding.

One of my favorite “talk shows” usually covers topics that I think should grace the National Enquirer or worse, but here they report it so seriously… And I do not mean ghost stories, I understand it is a cultural thing, their existence is not questioned, but UFOs and magnetic shifts and otehr stuff that sincerely, scratch scratch scratch…

17

Funny (but maybe a wee bit oversimplified) report on the Pirate Party winning some seats in Berlin elections:

youtube.com/watch?v=b826IeOpa8k

18

A couple checked into a Taipei motel on rented Ubikes and left two hours later on the same bikes. Just rode out of the parking garage with a big grin on their faces.

19

The News gets more exciting every day :popcorn:

News: Wulai 12 tourists were stung by a bee

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taipeitimes.com/News/taiwan/ … 2003566545

‘A big hit with the public since its first appearance in Taitung County last month, the “Angry Red Bird” hot air balloon is courting controversy by flying the coop and landing in neighboring Hualien County.’

‘Online posts by some Taitung residents slammed the Hualien County Government “for stealing the bird from them [Taitung].”
Some other Taitung residents responded by saying it is not a big deal, with comments such as: “It’s OK with me. The first time is the most important,” and “Hualien and Taitung are like brothers, so we should share our good fortune,” referring to both counties being neighbors in the nation’s east coast.’