Help! I'm Freaking Out!

Life Dating & Relationships
21

Bismarck -
Congratulations. Nervous is normal. The thoughts of ‘what if’ are also normal…and will never end.
Cherish what privacy you have enjoyed…it too will end. Put a lock on the inside of the bathroom door. This will become your sanctuary.
Learn to nod & smile while thinking pleasant thoughts of things far away.
Laugh at the small things and ignore the large ones.
Drinking is only a temporary solution…fortunately thats all that is usually required.
Cherish her heart and soul.
Do the laundry yourself.
Learn to say this in your sleep - “Yes Dear” “I’m sorry, I am wrong” - repeat as needed.
Mis-communication happens.
Nobody is perfect…only she is.

Maybe we should have a Happy Hour to celebrate the coming nuptials.
Good enough reason for me.

22

[quote=“sandman”][quote=“Namahottie”][quote=“sandman”].
Enjoy it. As my wise friend told me years ago, “it’s the kind of thing you only do three or four times in your life, so make the most of it.”[/quote]

You get to enjoy one marriage only 3 or 4 times? Er, thanks but now I’ll really pass. :laughing:
[/quote]
Er, no, dear. He meant that Getting married is something you only do three or four times. It’s a joke, see? Like, your wedding day is supposed to be a one-off, like, except he’s making a droll reference to the rising divorce rate and the number of people with several marriages and divorces under their belts like. Humour, like. You know?
I should really work on my timing.[/quote]

I knew that… :stuck_out_tongue:

23

Mate, relax, you can do the wedding and the ex and whoever you like, just be clean and discrete.

Oh shit, this isn’t a PM! Erhm, yeah, be a good man!

HG

24

Screw them
(gues you allready did)
They had there chance.
:wink:

25

[quote=“TainanCowboy”]
Learn to say this in your sleep - “Yes Dear” “I’m sorry, I am wrong” - repeat as needed.
Mis-communication happens.
Nobody is perfect…only she is.[/quote]

I suspect she’s already “training” me in that direction…

[quote=“TainanCowboy”]Maybe we should have a Happy Hour to celebrate the coming nuptials.
Good enough reason for me.[/quote]

I agree. And a good reason to get out of the house…

26

There are a few of us on here due to wed soon I think, and going through similar stuff. I am refusing to go through all the single certificate stuff so guess my worst moment will be getting on the plane to Vegas…at least I have done it before, she has no idea what she’s getting into…mwa ha ha ha

27

Still Sandman was right… you only get married once’ or maybe twice or thrice… never can tell really.

Marriage is worth the effort inmho.

My ex wife wanted to know if she could come to my wedding when I got re-married… So you keep those ex GF tel numbers to yaself there Bismark…

Of course do invite them all to your wedding… They might find an eligible bachelor there. Just make sure you’re facing them by accident when you say I DO… :astonished: :smiley: :smiley:

28

[quote=“bismarck”]Honestly, I’m totally freaking out. I get all jittery and I get this knot in the pit of my stomach.

As some of you may or may not know, I’m getting married soon (probably in the next month or so). [/quote]

Congratulations on finding someone :slight_smile:

However, you are getting married “probably in the next month or so” ? That sounds like a major unresolved problem hidden deep somewhere in the recesses of your brain. Venting sounds good and hope that clears up the “probably” and you do actually have a definite date (you know for those wedding crashers :wink:))

I agree with HG in saying don’t feel railroaded into something you’re uncomfortable with (although marriage can be one of those one things until you actually do it and then you’re cool).

29

[quote=“bismarck”]

[quote=“TainanCowboy”]Maybe we should have a Happy Hour to celebrate the coming nuptials.
Good enough reason for me.[/quote]

I agree. And a good reason to get out of the house…[/quote]

I say a good ole bachelor party is a solution for your ‘problem’

30

It’s not called ‘taking the plunge’ for nothing.

(the water’s not that bad once you get in, c’mon.)

31

[quote=“bismarck”]Honestly, I’m totally freaking out. I get all jittery and I get this knot in the pit of my stomach.

As some of you may or may not know, I’m getting married soon (probably in the next month or so). At first I was very excited and I was rather looking forward to settling down and perhaps starting a family at some stage. I’m 31 and I’ve found a wonderful lady whom I enjoy talking to, spending my time with and we both make each other laugh and we have good fun together. The “fringe benefits” aren’t bad either and there’s no problem there.

However, as those of you who are married will know, you have to apply for a “single” certificate from your home country. I duly did this. About a week ago the Liaison Office in Taipei called me and told me it had arrived. I’ve put off going to Taipei for about a week already and will be going this week.
After the lady called to say it had arrived (for those of you who don’t know, you need this certificate to get married and make an appointment with the relevant legal officials to set a date for your nuptials) this feeling started.
Let me make it clear that I love this woman and that we don’t have any relationship issues. Yet, I’ve started freaking out. I find myself thinking of lost opportunities, no more bachelorhood freedom (probably a good thing as I don’t go out and piss away my salary anymore), and the ones that got away. Two in particular.
First and foremost there is my first gf in Taiwan whom I loved very much, had a long standing relationship with and ended as still being good friends. We do sometimes call each other but we decided two years ago that we don’t really have any romantic feelings for each other, but are just very good friends. The reason why we broke up originally. The thing is, I always felt very comfortable with her and now it’s all plaguing on my mind. The “what if” questions…
The second one is a girl that I became friends with while she was studying her MA in Tainan. About a year and a half ago she finished and moved to go work in Taipei. We also remained friends and stayed in touch. About six months ago she came to Tainan for a visit and asked me, “If I had stayed in Tainan, would we ever have been together?” I was floored. I had always liked her but thought she wasn’t interested. She’s very nice, very sexy, very well spoken and very interesting. I couldn’t believe it. Anyway, what with her being in Taipei and me being happy in Tainan, there was talk at a stage that perhaps she would move back to Tainan or I could move to Taipei. Neither happened and we just remained friends. However, sometimes we chat on msn and she openly flirts with me. She also begs the question, “What if???”

In truth, I’m really happy with my fiance and I really love her, but this nagging question of “What if??” keeps playing over and over in my head. Ever since the damn Single Certificate arrived and the final stage of physically getting married became a reality I’ve just been freaking out…

Any of you married guys ever have this problem? Is it normal? Am I going nuts?
How to just get myself over this and focus on the wonderful woman I have.

:taz: :wall:[/quote]

my GF pestered me for six months everyday to get married. And i was scared frankly of marriage. Finally one day she said something that really made a lot of sense. She said that we were already too involved with each other to be able to say goodbye so why was i afraid? She said we have gone past the point of no return already. I went to the sulfur baths in yangmingshan later by myself ( i was off, she was working) and i thought bout it and it really made sense to me. I wasnt prepared to say goodbye to her already. So it made perfect sense to me right then and there. And i had no further problems with the idea of marrying her. HOwever, i think that all the work involved in getting to say YES took its toll and was part of the reason we later got divorced. But thats another story.

But marriage is a very serious commitment and before it happens BOTH parties need to say YES 100pct. i would be more then pleased if i could marry my current GF. And wouldnt for a moment feel she wasnt the right one for me. I may not be the right one for HER, but thats another story !

and as for all those past GFs? Well they can be evil. NOw that they know you are getting married, they feel left out and are all sweet and gooey to you. YOu should say FOOey to them.

the taiwanese have a saying: (loosely translated) A good Bull never looks back at the grass he left behind.

32

This is what I’m suspecting too. Like Edgar above, I’ve done this once before (obviously unsuccessfully) and I think this is what’s really behind it all. You know, I thought the last one was “The One”, and after six months she decided it wasn’t what she wanted… So I’m a little apprehensive. Have all these doubts and questions floating around my head. Obviously this is not something I can discuss with her…

That being said, I do think it’s something I can sort out in my head. Sometimes you just need a sounding board…

33

[quote=“tommy525”]
She said that we were already too involved with each other to be able to say goodbye so why was i afraid? She said we have gone past the point of no return already. I went to the sulfur baths in yangmingshan later by myself ( i was off, she was working) and i thought bout it and it really made sense to me. I wasn’t prepared to say goodbye to her already. So it made perfect sense to me right then and there. And i had no further problems with the idea of marrying her. [/quote]

Hmm… this is a new one to me. Not wanting to break up = may as well get married? Seems to me there should be some middle ground in there somewhere…

34

[quote=“Namahottie”][quote=“bismarck”]

[quote=“TainanCowboy”]Maybe we should have a Happy Hour to celebrate the coming nuptials.
Good enough reason for me.[/quote]I agree. And a good reason to get out of the house…[/quote]I say a good ole bachelor party is a solution for your ‘problem’[/quote] Come on down Tater Tot!

35

[quote=“TainanCowboy”][quote=“Namahottie”][quote=“bismarck”]

[quote=“TainanCowboy”]Maybe we should have a Happy Hour to celebrate the coming nuptials.
Good enough reason for me.[/quote]I agree. And a good reason to get out of the house…[/quote]I say a good ole bachelor party is a solution for your ‘problem’[/quote] Come on down Tater Tot![/quote]

The more the merrier.

A note to TC and Quentin etc… Remember, the poor sod getting married doesn’t organise his own bachelors party… :wink:

36

Well, the the “single certificate” arrived…
Once it was here I actually felt alot better. I think I just needed to get used to the idea, settle into it, so to speak. Now that it’s a reality I’m much more comfortable with it. Even looking forward to it.

We wanted to tie the know on 1 1 2007, as we thought Jan 1, 2007 (112007) seemed like a nice date, but unfortunatley my girl’s brother has to work that day. So we’ve amended it to Dec 30, 2006 (12302006).

Any and all in Tainan who would like to attend (especially Tainan Cowboy and Quentin in Tainan) pm me for details. Although any and all are welcome. Don’t be afeared by red envelopes, however, as it isn’t a traditional wedding. That will be next year. Just want to get the formalities out of the way. The full on traditional thing will be done later to accommodate my family.

Thanks for the opportunity to vent and get it off my chest.

:sunglasses:

37

Good Luck, B!

38

[quote=“bismarck”]Well, the the “single certificate” arrived…
Once it was here I actually felt alot better. I think I just needed to get used to the idea, settle into it, so to speak. Now that it’s a reality I’m much more comfortable with it. Even looking forward to it.

We wanted to tie the know on 1 1 2007, as we thought Jan 1, 2007 (112007) seemed like a nice date, but unfortunatley my girl’s brother has to work that day. So we’ve amended it to Dec 30, 2006 (12302006).

Any and all in Tainan who would like to attend (especially Tainan Cowboy and Quentin in Tainan) pm me for details. Although any and all are welcome. Don’t be afeared by red envelopes, however, as it isn’t a traditional wedding. That will be next year. Just want to get the formalities out of the way. The full on traditional thing will be done later to accommodate my family.

Thanks for the opportunity to vent and get it off my chest.

:sunglasses:[/quote]

Four days after this tater tot will be gone. I wish you nothing but the best. :bravo: :bravo:

39

Thanks Tigerman. I’m entering a totally new realm of experience in Taiwan, the family circle. Seen some of this from another married friend of mine, and it seems your life does change somewhat. It’s sure to be an interesting ride.

40

[quote=“Namahottie”][quote=“bismarck”]Well, the the “single certificate” arrived…
Once it was here I actually felt alot better. I think I just needed to get used to the idea, settle into it, so to speak. Now that it’s a reality I’m much more comfortable with it. Even looking forward to it.

We wanted to tie the know on 1 1 2007, as we thought Jan 1, 2007 (112007) seemed like a nice date, but unfortunatley my girl’s brother has to work that day. So we’ve amended it to Dec 30, 2006 (12302006).

Any and all in Tainan who would like to attend (especially Tainan Cowboy and Quentin in Tainan) pm me for details. Although any and all are welcome. Don’t be afeared by red envelopes, however, as it isn’t a traditional wedding. That will be next year. Just want to get the formalities out of the way. The full on traditional thing will be done later to accommodate my family.

Thanks for the opportunity to vent and get it off my chest.

:sunglasses:[/quote]

Four days after this tater tot will be gone. I wish you nothing but the best. :bravo: :bravo:[/quote]

Thanks Nama, and all the best to you too in your new endeavours. May a world of success be waiting for you back home…