How can I be a better person?

Discussion Open Forum
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[quote=“LittleBuddhaTW”]Read Zhuangzi (Chuang-tzu). Most people try to carve out a little niche for themselves in society, pick a career, a place to live, a certain lifestyle to follow … a certain “road” or “path” so to speak, and then they stick to it until they die … pretty sad really! Zhuangzi runs counter to this … ultimate freedom and liberation … all paths are yours, all niches are yours … just jump out of the fray and look down, all the while thinking to yourself, “wow, this is really neat …”. I think our biggest problem and biggest source of fear/suffering (besides dealing with the whole “death” thing) is taking ourselves too seriously … something Zhuangzi advises against. Pick up a copy and try reading it.

As I think Alleycat (or someone) pointed out, “desiring to be desireless” is the big connundrum … you shouldn’t “desire” or “not desire”. I think the most important message to take out of Buddha’s teachings is the idea of walking the middle road.[/quote]

zhuangzi is a great jokester too. very funny, play on words. he’s philosopher, itinerant, stand-up comedian in one.

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I know Zhuangzi. Am I dreaming I am a butterfly, yada yada yada. I joined a Daoist church once. I recieved the Dao and some secret I’m not supposed to tell anyone.

I tried TM before. I joined, and received my secret mantra that I’m not supposed to tell to anyone. I still meditate once in awhile.

I went to an EST meeting once, but those folks creeped me out.

I read a book about Silva mind control.

I read a book about Dyanetics until I realized it was reallly Scientology.

I read a book about Transactional Analysis. I’m OK, You’re Full of Crap or something like that.

I went to some Tibetan meditation classes, but it’s too hard for me to keep my legs crossed like they do. But I like the bell.

I listen to Bach and Mozart.

I used to pray to God and Jesus.

I have grown beards before. Now my wife won’t let me.

I have come to the conclusion that there is no one answer, but the search must go on. (If anyone asks me to explain what I am searching for, I will start screaming like a little girl.)

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Try having sex with a different woman every couple of weeks. :sunglasses:

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And now after the next piece on foreign men, the hunting at Poxy 99 is likely to be good.

Don’t tell the missus. It’ll spoil her day.

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Having a job that you find interesting helps since that seems to consume most of ones waking hours. Having a good mattress helps since that’s where one spends ones sleeping hours. Aside from that, get exercise, eat healthy, try to be honest and decent, but don’t take things too seriously. Life’s short so enjoy it.

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Drunk at 4:30 in the afternoon, Miaka? You didn’t go to the KTV with Tomas, did you?

And having someone congenial to share the mattress with you also helps a lot.

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I struggle with this on a daily basis. How to be a better mother, wife, lover, friend, daughter, Christian, human being. As much as I worry, you’d think it would be easier to be “better”, but I still fall on my face a lot.

Bible truths help me, when I can slow down enough to remember them. This week it’s Proverbs 18:21 “The tongue has the power of life and death.” A lot of thoughtless, angry, violent words have been coming out of my mouth lately. :frowning: :frowning: :frowning:

Very timely topic Richardm. You have no idea. Now my head is hurting…

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Well, if you succeed in finding it, bottle it and make a fortune.
Sounds like you’ve already looked in a lot of places anyway :slight_smile: I think ultimately you can only get some answers by looking deep into yourself, questioning your motivations, goals, actions and assumptions about yourself etc. Easy said, because you might not like what you see, which prompts you to make radical changes in your life that other people just won’t understand and/or are threatened by. I would love to be able to say that more often than not I am this self aware, but I just haven’t yet made it a high enough priority in my life. As a good friend told me once, “you just haven’t suffered enough yet”.

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Take MT’s advice - a good job and a good bed. Then try not to think too much. If you start to think, a good bottle of scotch should sort you out.

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There is only one stupid question…the one you don’t ask…

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Confucious he say, “He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.”

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Drink and drugs will lead to your downfall, not your salvation.

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I tend to agree that drugs are unhealthy, but a drink or two from time to time is healthy for body and soul. Lots of people who condemn drinking have never tried it, or haven’t tried it in a reasonable, safe way (e.g. a few glasses of wine with dinner versus a frat party kegger).

As for being a better person, I used to set goals for such, and actually reached many of them. Nowadays, I find that the intuitive approach works much better. For example, if you feel strongly that you should or shouldn’t do something, go with that feeling. Lots of people think that self-improvement is a matter of either restriction or effort. I think that works for physical health and sometimes financial well-being (e.g. lifting weights makes one stronger, following up with a customer results in a sales), but not for internal or emotional health. A lot of progress comes from going with what feels right, from letting go of barriers, from letting things happen rather than forcing them.

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“Of the dead, say nothing but good” Plutarch advises.

Now, if you want to get our respect, you might want to consider this.

It’s meant as a bad joke, BTW.

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Happiness is having a nice healthy shit. Health my friends is always #1. Then it is having someone who loves you unconditionally. Meaningful work and one or two avocations is also important.

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Happiness is a natural “20” roll on a 1d20. :smiley:

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[quote=“Chewycorns”]Happiness is having a nice healthy shit. Health my friends is always #1. Then it is having someone who loves you unconditionally. Meaningful work and one or two avocations is also important.[/quote] I used to think that health would be No.1. However I read a quantitative research document on this subject recently. The conclusion was that a good network of friends has the highest corelation with happiness. Health came in about 3rd.
Perhaps makes sense ie an ill person with lots of good friends can be happier than a healthy person with no friends.

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[quote=“braxtonhicks”]I struggle with this on a daily basis. How to be a better mother, wife, lover, friend, daughter, Christian, human being. As much as I worry, you’d think it would be easier to be “better”, but I still fall on my face a lot.

Bible truths help me, when I can slow down enough to remember them. This week it’s Proverbs 18:21 “The tongue has the power of life and death.” A lot of thoughtless, angry, violent words have been coming out of my mouth lately. :frowning: :frowning: :frowning:

Very timely topic Richardm. You have no idea. Now my head is hurting…[/quote]

I fall on my face a lot too.

That Proverb made my day. I screw up in that department every single day in Taiwan. I never let that happen at home. What is it about this place? Do we all come here to start slipping backwards?

Have I ever met anyone who really has become a better person in Taiwan? Not yet. I met a lot of tired, worn out, and weary types, some back slidden types, and those who see Taiwan as a wild ride. There are other types but few and far between.

Or this quote is a goodie and recently has helped me start to try being a better person. I found the cd the other day and it got me thinking.

[quote=“DC Talk What if I stumble”]The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today
Is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips
Then walk out the door and deny him by their lifestyle.
That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.

What if I stumble?
What if I fall?

Is this one for the people?
Is this one for the Lord?
Or do I simply serenade for things I must afford?
You can jumble them together, my conflict still remains
Holiness is calling, in the midst of courting fame

Cause I see the trust in their eyes
Though the sky is falling
They need Your love in their lives
Compromise is calling

(chorus)
What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
You never turn in the heat of it all
What if I stumble, what if I fall?

Father please forgive me for I can not compose
The fear that lives within me
Or the rate at which it grows
If struggle has a purpose
On the narrow road you’ve carved
Why do I dread my trespasses will leave a deadly scar

Do they see the fear in my eyes?
Are they so revealing?
This time I cannot disguise
All the doubt I’m feeling

(repeat chorus)

What if I stumble?
Everyone’s got to crawl when you know that
You’re up against a wall, it’s about to fall
Everyone’s got to crawl when you know that (2x)

I hear You whispering my name [You say]
“My love for You will never change” [never change]

(repeat chorus 2x)

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
You never turn in the heat of it all
What if I stumble, what if I fall?
You are my comfort, and my God

Is this one for the people, is this one for the Lord?

[/quote]

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[quote=“Ke di er”]What is it about this place? Do we all come here to start slipping backwards?

Have I ever met anyone who really has become a better person in Taiwan? Not yet[/quote]

“Better”? What the Hell are you talking about?

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[quote=“tigerman”][quote=“Ke di er”]What is it about this place? Do we all come here to start slipping backwards?

Have I ever met anyone who really has become a better person in Taiwan? Not yet[/quote]

“Better”? What the Hell are you talking about?[/quote]

Ok, a little too general there. Who am I to judge you. You may have become a better person. I suppose we all grow up. Let me broaden things out a little.

Good point Tigerman.

Isn’t that what this is all about, “How do I be a better person”?

Everyone needs to improve in some way, or perhaps you are perfect. Since I have never stumbled accross the perfect person I will assume that no one here is perfect. I think that would be a safe bet.

People improve their Chinese here.
Some learn how to behave in ways that they never would at home, myself included.
Others marry and get into the whole Taiwan lifestyle, that’s not a bad thing.
Others defraud the government
More come to earn money to pay off student loans.
Some come because they heard Taiwanese girls are easy.
Some come for the great Overseas Experience.
There are a few that don’t even have a clue why they are here.

I am a learning Chinese, married to a local, English teaching, money earning type. I have become more skilled in certain areas, learnt many things that I would never have learnt without coming here, learnt more about myself in a single year than I learnt in my whole life. But, I have yet to become what I would call a better version of me.

Better would be being able to live up to the expectations and values that you hold as being important for yourself and moving further along that road.

To me it can be all put together in 1 Cor. 13 and James 1.

Others will have different expectations and values, but how many of us really live up to what we feel we should be? Do you? If so, how?