You are either special enough to be loved unconditionally or they don’t deserve you. Take time to make an effort to understand someone else’s culture? Nonsense.
That’s the way I’ve always lived my life and it may be why I have virtually no friends.
Says the guy who got himself kicked from CNY festivities!
1 Like
I’m just too special for some people.
My flatmate is Taiwanese and she says her parents always have something negative or critical to say. It’s in their nature and they don’t even realize they do it. Their words are hurtful to their daughter over something that doesn’t matter. Hopefully, next time she can ask them to let it go because it is mean.
My American son and his American wife divorced. If there was anything that I could have done to fix it, I would have. I adore my daughter-in-law. I have a beautiful 6 year old grand daughter and there is certainly nothing wrong with her. She’s already smart and athletic. The bride’s father still blames me and my hubby because my son wanted the divorce. 
Hubby and I didn’t get to vote!
what variable? if that person isn’t happy with it, and its out of line then its disrespectful. simple as that.
i for one would not be turning up to family events if i was going to openly get shat on. if they are going to do that, atleast pick something reasonable like having crap chinese or being poor. or fat
Whatever. My advice stands
and “whatever” is considered a brilliant response in your world???
mod power trip as per usual.
Typical family here. Sorry.
I would.move far away and not visit often
If you do want to talk with them, make sure you do it in chineze and your wife is there listening. Ive been through it too, and it got better after i put my foot down. No more age bullshit or race bulshit. Wont work if you go through your wife, must be you and must be fairly fluent chinese.
Or else move far away. Divorce is likely if staying around those kinds of people…and it will be your broken familys fault…
I don’t like people talking about me behind my back too, but I don’t need to know it unless the people actually give me some problems. I feel more negative toward the person reporting to me what people talk about me behind my back, rather than people talking behind me.
4 Likes
This seems a little extreme for right now, no?
I agree with this.
@WolfB , everyone talks about you behind your back. As everyone talks about everyone.
The broken family thing isn’t a big deal since it’s nothing you did.
I’m sure they say a lot of things, but do you really want to know?
I’d tell my wife I don’t care what they’re saying as gossip
4 Likes
I think that is good advice. And OP may get respect for not caring too I’d suspect.
5 Likes
This actually helps a lot. Throw in a few Taiwanese words and bring a good bottle of whisky and some flowers for the holidays and you’ll have them on your side.
It seems to me there is a lot of bad (and some good) advice in this thread. Why on earth would you expect or want a confrontational relationship with your in-laws, who presumably form an important part of your spouse’s family?
Here’s a neat trick: treat them like family, which they are now. Be friendly/caring, show interest (older folks can be a well of information and insight in any culture, once you get past the stubbornness that always seems to come with age), give gifts at appropriate times, learn something about their language and culture (and honestly if your spouse is from another culture you should be doing this anyway…), teach them something about yours, etc.
Be respectful, and just as important, be respectable.
In all of the long-term, successful intercultural marriages I am personally aware of, both partners have at least amicable if not pretty close relationships with one another’s in-laws.
Don’t you want people who you can trust to respect you and help out with stuff like watching the grandkids? Nothing wrong with that.
1 Like
Indeed. If someone tells you people are slagging you off then presumably they didn’t defend you. I don’t want people who are supposed to care about me listening to complaints about me without pulling them up about it.
1 Like
I don’t have an answer but it may not even be a problem that needs an answer. Depends on how often and what kind of stuff they are saying behind your back. If its just this one thing it may be better to leave it alone. They are just being gossipy for the sake of it. There are a lot of people like that.
If they actually don’t like you though. Then you need to address it in some way. It will take its toll on your wife regardless of how she feels or thinks rn.
1 Like
My mom also cares about if the girls parents are divorced. But not enough to make a big deal out of it. Just something precautionary.
It is something worth noting since the children of divorced parents are statistically more likely to have their marriages end in divorce, as well. I’ve rejected people who were “children of divorce” believing any pursuant romantic relationship would ultimately fail.
I do think it’s a little bit different for people whose parents don’t split until the kids are grown, though.
Wish my parents had split up…sigh. Statistically likely doesn’t mean much. Might as well not talk to any black people because statistically they are more likely to commit crimes.
2 Likes
It’s true that most statistics are meaningless. I should probably just admit that I’ve personally met enough losers who “don’t bewieve in wuv and mawwiage anymow 
” just because mommy and daddy split up that I feel free to reject people on this basis alone.
2 Likes