We eloped and they still don’t know about the kids.
…still waiting…
0voters
Forumosa was useful tonight. I am… well WAS… highly upset that I am not spending CNY with my boyfriend’s family. But reading through some of the D&R posts, I feel a bit better. I see people having gone 2 or 3 years without meeting the family. So I don’t feel like such a dolt.
Actually, it still makes me feel very unloved. Sooo… How long was it before your SO introduced you to the family?
And WHY?
Mine says he is afraid they will not like me. Boogers on them.
I would never introduce my SO unless I knew I was getting engaged or married. Otherwise, there’s no point. Just a lot of unnecessary hassle. My folks are pretty old school. I’ve introduced 1 or 2 gf before, both with disastrous results. Never again. I don’t even tell them if I’m dating now.
I see your point. But I think dating someone just to find out that I can’t marry him because I hate his family is a lot of hassle. (Been there, done that.)
I see YOUR point. That said, marrying a chinese (or traditional culture for that matter) means a marriage of 2 families as well as 2 persons.
My response then would be, it would depend on your bf’s commitment to you and how strongly he would stand up for you (were you to be married that is).
As I see it, if I went so far as to marry someone, I would brook no disrespect from my folks. Right now, I find myself standing up for my brother-in-law, since he’s a good guy, treats my sister well, and isn’t a deadbeat, against my parents just because they think he doesn’t deserve their respect because he’a a cracker from Philly. (joking)
If you need a pow wow, feel free to pm me. You’re the funny looking one in the pics with 914 picking her nose, right? (joking)
So change the poll to add a final option: until we’re engaged/married.
In my case, I was the one who put off that meeting with the future in-laws as long as possible. About a week before our marriage, my SO told me her dad was upset that I was about to become a member of their family and they hadn’t even met me (even though my SO lived at home with them and we were only an hour apart by MRT and bus). So I bit the bullet, visited the family citadel a few days before the wedding, convinced him that I’d be a splendid son-in-law, received his blessing, and all has been well with us ever since.
If you’re serious about the relationship, I’d suggest meeting them as soon as possible; they may not seem to be appreciative right away, but that’s just because they’ll be feeling you out. I made a point of doing this with my s/o, mostly because I was the first caucasian boyfriend she’d ever had and because I knew this was someone that I was going to be with long term. I think their minds were put at ease when they saw that I was serious about her and a responsible (well, for the most part) individual who could take care of her properly. Of course, all of that went out the window when she moved in to my place, but had told her folks she was staying with a girlfriend, all without me knowing.
Don’t feel too bad–waiting until you’re engaged before meeting the parents in the norm in Taiwan. Not everyone follows it–depends on a lot of factors, most prominent of which are how traditional the parents are.
I didn’t meet her folks until after I had brought her to Canada to meet mine, which made my intentions pretty clear. Initially they were a little stand-offish, but things improved quickly.
Way more than 3 years, but that’s cuz I was strung out on naughty stuff for a lot of that time and in no fit state.
Anyway, as others have said, it’s a bit unusual to meet the parents until a hitching is in the offing.
um… my boy first met my mother about a month after we started dating…
He then met all my close extended relatives (3 grandparents, 3 aunts, 4 uncles and 6 cousins) a month later when we were in Taiwan and they loved him
he’ll be meeting my father next month when he (dad) visits.
I’ll be meeting his parents for the first time in May when they visit during Golden Week and i hate to admit it but I’m scared!
Well, myself, I drove into that trough head first, and looking for the square off, likesay,
Actually, experience has taught that it’s better to head them (his/her parents) off at the pass… I myself was over at her folks place within 2 months or so…
Too many wild redneck dads :taz: in the past makes one ponder the inevitable… I guess it’s a guy thing.
We learn to defend our daughters from the likes of ourselves…
But actually, as usual, me daughter needs naught from me. She’s Gonna Be Huge! Already at 1.3 yrs defending her turf (ie a Lego Tower) from the usual suspect, the errant brother, ergo my infamous son.
Met the family. Welcomed me with open arms. All seemed quite excited to meet me. Grandma was cool too. Rather than travel south and return to Taipei in one day, they suggested I stay overnight. Even got a hug and a gift of chicken essence (despite being vegetarian) from grandma when we left.
And this after two years of girlfriend being too scared to tell them. I appreciate her concerns but I was always sceptical that it could be that bad or difficult.
From reading the forums though, it seems for some people it has been. I consider myself lucky.
Well done, Fruit Loop. It’s good to hear you came through that unscathed and that the coast is clear for you and your girlfriend to plan for a future together.
Down south, eh? They didn’t happen to mention anything about a duck farm, did they?
[quote=“sandman”]Way more than 3 years, but that’s cuz I was strung out on naughty stuff for a lot of that time and in no fit state.
Anyway, as others have said, it’s a bit unusual to meet the parents until a hitching is in the offing.[/quote]
Me met both my wives family during dating before we had intentions of marriage.
It’a bout time the so called adults treated their adult offspring like sadults too instead of thingking their kids are still 4 years old.
I remember being 30 and wanting to get married and the gf’s folks complaining I was too young …
Shits me… I asked them how old they were when they got married… 22 for dad and 19 for mom… lol They didnt say a lot after that hehehehe
less than 3 months, maybe after one month. I now believe it was a trick to speed up the commitment process although it was presented as very casual. It’s been a year and a half so we’ll see if her strategy works in the end. Actually she said she wants her parents to be involved in her life, etc. which is ok with me. They seem pretty nice, language barriers aside. Of course since then she has made up some good stories to cover her tracks when she is with me, but when I do visit, her mom is always trying to feed me and give me small gifts.
(joking)
