Ignore or confront?

Discussion Open Forum
1

At my uni most oF my colleagues are good, decent folk. There are a couple of quiet ones, a couple of unsavory ones, and a couple of snooty ones.

One couple irks me. Or specifically the wife does. They blanked me for the entIre first semester, which doesn’t really bother me, that’s the way some people operate.

Then at the beginning of this semester they started greeting me, all friendly like. We chatted a couple of times, waiting for the staff bus. Then they started blanking me again, and the wife has taken to giving me these long, piercing cold stares. If I join a group of teachers waiting for the bus, she’ll stop talking, and get all frosty.

It seemed to happen after I sent out a group email, asking if any of the teachers wanted to judge a student English speaking comp. It wasn’t compulsory, and I wasn’t available on the evening, so I sent out the email. Some teachers seem to enjoy doing that kinda thing, some teachers do it for the karma points.

Anyway, in the past I’ve held my mouth with this kind of person, and wished later I’d had a face-to-face with them, to clear the air. I’ve also climbed into people like her before, berating them for their shitty attitude, but nothing comes of that either really. I’d rather have a convivial atmosphere at my workplace, and in the company of my colleagues.

I only see them a couple of times a week, but the sight of her beady eyes, and the vibe she directs my way really annoy me.

So, would you IGNORE or CONFRONT?

2

[quote=“Baas Babelaas”]At my uni most oF my colleagues are good, decent folk. There are a couple of quiet ones, a couple of unsavory ones, and a couple of snooty ones.

One couple irks me. Or specifically the wife does. They blanked me for the entIre first semester, which doesn’t really bother me, that’s the way some people operate.

Then at the beginning of this semester they started greeting me, all friendly like. We chatted a couple of times, waiting for the staff bus. Then they started blanking me again, and the wife has taken to giving me these long, piercing cold stares. If I join a group of teachers waiting for the bus, she’ll stop talking, and get all frosty.

It seemed to happen after I sent out a group email, asking if any of the teachers wanted to judge a student English speaking comp. It wasn’t compulsory, and I wasn’t available on the evening, so I sent out the email. Some teachers seem to enjoy doing that kinda thing, some teachers do it for the karma points.

Anyway, in the past I’ve held my mouth with this kind of person, and wished later I’d had a face-to-face with them, to clear the air. I’ve also climbed into people like her before, berating them for their shitty attitude, but nothing comes of that either really. I’d rather have a convivial atmosphere at my workplace, and in the company of my colleagues.

I only see them a couple of times a week, but the sight of her beady eyes, and the vibe she directs my way really annoy me.

So, would you IGNORE or CONFRONT?[/quote]

The problem might not be with the woman. It could be that you’re a bit um… er… different, eccentric, odd, strange, unhinged, mad, bonkers, out of your f@cking mind!! Or not.

How many forumosan posters would start a thread about such a topic? Can you imagine Sandman, The Sage from the Great White North or HGC kicking off with a “One of my co-workers gives me the Mr. Grumpy face - what should I do?”? Bizarre.
Not knowing you, the people involved, and the details of the situation how can we give informed suggestions?

3

I’ll get them aside and forwardly ask them if they have beef with me, because of the cold stares.
Talking is better than not talking. But that’s just me.

4

[quote]The problem might not be with the woman. It could be that you’re a bit um… er… different, eccentric, odd, strange, unhinged, mad, bonkers, out of your f@cking mind!! Or not.

How many forumosan posters would start a thread about such a topic? Can you imagine Sandman, The Sage from the Great White North or HGC kicking off with a “One of my co-workers gives me the Mr. Grumpy face - what should I do?”? Bizarre.
Not knowing you, the people involved, and the details of the situation how can we give informed suggestions?[/quote]

No. Mentally I’m fighting fit. Never been better.

Plenty of posters DO post threads asking for advice/opinions. That’s why forums exist, no? Just yesterday Bismarck posted about his neighbour issue, and got 5 pages of advice in reply. I’m not Sandman, HGC or anyone else, I’m me, Baas Babelaas. Not bizarre, not at all.

Given the information I supplied (the situation, with background info), I welcome suggestions and advice. I needn’t write an autobiography. s33k3r managed to read, draw a conclusion and give some simple feedback, without suggesting that me or my post are bizarre.

5

[quote=“Baas Babelaas”][quote]The problem might not be with the woman. It could be that you’re a bit um… er… different, eccentric, odd, strange, unhinged, mad, bonkers, out of your f@cking mind!! Or not.

How many forumosan posters would start a thread about such a topic? Can you imagine Sandman, The Sage from the Great White North or HGC kicking off with a “One of my co-workers gives me the Mr. Grumpy face - what should I do?”? Bizarre.
Not knowing you, the people involved, and the details of the situation how can we give informed suggestions?[/quote]

No. Mentally I’m fighting fit. Never been better.

Plenty of posters DO post threads asking for advice/opinions. That’s why forums exist, no? Just yesterday Bismarck posted about his neighbour issue, and got 5 pages of advice in reply. I’m not Sandman, HGC or anyone else, I’m me, Baas Babelaas. Not bizarre, not at all.

Given the information I supplied (the situation, with background info), I welcome suggestions and advice. I needn’t write an autobiography. s33k3r managed to read, draw a conclusion and give some simple feedback, without suggesting that me or my post are bizarre.[/quote]
Of course your post is bizarre.
The obvious thing to do (which you make no mention of) is to ask your colleagues about it. They are better placed than us to comment on the matter. You should be able to find out if the woman in question has also given them the cold shoulder. And they may know whether/why the woman is unfriendly with you.

As for Bismarck, I like most of his posts but he does have a weakness for touchy feely bedwetting subjects. I bet he stole his sister’s girly mags when he was a young lad.

6

The man DID select a suit of clothing that looks like the wearer is sporting Depends…

Other than that, “Do you have a fucking problem with me, mate?” seems to work quite well. Best if you kind of jut your chin forward when you say it. Arms rigid at your sides, fists clenched, upper body inclined forward slightly. That should move you toward a resolution.

7

The man DID select a suit of clothing that looks like the wearer is sporting Depends…[/quote]
You. Yes, the old bastard with the album of baby pics. You’ve got to stop obsessing about men’s undergarments. No good will come of it.

8

[quote=“Baas Babelaas”]At my uni most oF my colleagues are good, decent folk. There are a couple of quiet ones, a couple of unsavory ones, and a couple of snooty ones.

One couple irks me. Or specifically the wife does. They blanked me for the entIre first semester, which doesn’t really bother me, that’s the way some people operate.

I only see them a couple of times a week, but the sight of her beady eyes, and the vibe she directs my way really annoy me.

So, would you IGNORE or CONFRONT?[/quote]

You can’t please all the people all the time. Ignore. Why would you want to confront them, ie, talk to people you don’t really want to talk to about why they don’t want to talk to you?

This is what mp3s were made for. :thumbsdown:

9

OP IGNORE them. I get very affected by vibes, and I take it personally. However, I am learning, that I can’t please anybosy and everybody. Another thing is, that if the lady has issues, she should be the one trying to clear the air not you. Don’t worry about it, see it this way, ‘she has a problem’, whether it is with you or life in general. Ignore her , pretend you do not understand her shitty attitude and you stay your equanimous self. If she gets all warmth and fuzzy, stay crisp and polite and if she gives you the stare, ditto.

10

I think the thing to do here in Taiwan is ask a friendly 3rd party to find out on your behalf whether something’s amiss.

11

That’s what I do currently.

I do this too.

Her and her husband are outta here end-semester, so I’ll keep it cordial I reckon. But if she gets snippy I’ll respond accordingly. I think she might be on some moral high horse, for some reason - they’re stay-at-home, non-socializing non-drinkers.

EDIT: She’s not an old biddy by the way, she’s in her late 20s…

12

I’ve worked in a few places where I was a minority, as a male, and had to deal with situations like yours before. The best medicine is to carry on as if mumphy douches like this don’t exist. Confronting her won’t get you the answers you want and asking around with your colleagues might create an us/her dynamic which could snowball into worse. I’ve done both scenarios and not been satisfied with the end result. Just keep on keeping on and the passive aggressive twat will either fold her cards or go nutjob for the lack of impact she’s having on you.

13

Have some fun. Next time she looks at you all weird, whisper in her ear that you know that look. It’s that of a dissatisfied woman. Ask her when her bloke’s away and offer to help. Act indignant if she takes offence, and laugh at her if she comes on to you. Either way, you’'ll have cured part of your problem, and that is not knowing if she had some issue with you.

HG

14

Sounds to me like you have a common workplace but you do not have to actually work together. I’m not sure what your problem is or why you would let that bother you. AJ is right. It’s a bit weird.

15

head butt ? :popcorn:

16

I would not recommend the head-butt…not just yet. As they are leaving at terms end, I’d just say fart it off (an odd American(USA) expression meaning to just let it pass of its own accord - on Taiwan referred to as ‘wu wei’ - do nothing)

You might respond to the stares with an empty smile…such as you would give upon seeing a stray dog pissing on the wheel of a parked auto. Nothing more.

If the man says something, you might try asking if there is a problem…but where the woman is concerned…fart it off.

:2cents:

17

[quote]for some reason - they’re stay-at-home, non-socializing non-drinkers.

EDIT: She’s not an old biddy by the way[/quote]

that could be me :laughing:

18

asking others is a bad idea, as word will get back to her and then your ‘issue’ will be of public record and this will inevitably heighten it.

try the advice above of smiling, lightly giggling or whatever when she stares at you. odds are she is a bit thick and literally staring right through you. this may smarten her up and she will look away.

you could also go the cheeky route and wink at her or pucker your lips, I used to do this on the Mr.T back in the day when people stared, men would instantly recoil and look away, women would either laugh or look away immediately. It’s TW and as long as there are people around there won’t be a scene, she’d have too much to lose blowing her top over a piece of foreign scum like yourself (not you personally, but you know, your ‘type’).

if she is a proper frosty cunt however (which I think she may be), try pivoting towards her, place both hands on your hips and stare back at her until she looks away.

19

Ah yes…the old ‘pelvic thrust’…works like a charm with the “proper frosty cunts”…Time Warp anyone?

20

Ah yes…the old ‘pelvic thrust’…works like a charm with the “proper frosty cunts”…Time Warp anyone?[/quote]

Do this and ask, "Can ya FEEL it?