People will tell me not to burn the bridges. The more I live the more I realize that some bridges should never be built. Have you ever joined in a group of people who share the same interests? Some people take advantage of others because they know more people than you. So, they idealize they can overpower on others. If you don’t please them the way they want, they will start speaking behind your back and get your reaction. When you finally react, they will tell people this “See? This is how he or she is.” I might not be good in interpersonal relationships. It doesn’t mean I am anti-social. I tried a lot. I want your sincere opinion. What is the best way to do when you deal with this? What would you do to improve it? I don’t try to assume that I am always right. But, things like this really happens. Sometimes, people want more than you can give to them.
This is not a testimonial for this website. I’m moving it over to the Relationships forum
Maybe they’re actually talking about Forumosa
Burn every bridge! Drop the bomb! Exterminate everyone!
Relationships 101 by @the_bear
I thought about it. I was going to choose relationship. But, there is the word “dating”. It is not about dating, either.
Wow! It is a good one. But, no, no! I haven’t been in Forumosa more than 3 days. lol
I always thought of it as a “Dating or Relationships” Forum. Maybe it would be more accurate (but much more cumbersome) to call it “Relationships Forum including Dating”
FWIW IMHO I also would burn the bridge and move on. Find your crowd and make a positive difference with them. It’s a big world and life is too short.
There were times I did this. I didn’t wish to. But, I was forced to.
Not to be snarky, but isn’t that more a girl thing?
Adult guys in general have low tolerance for people like that. Usually don’t hang around dicks (or, in your case, bitches) like that.
They local, foreign,or mixture of both?
Thanks for sharing! I thought I was the only one who burns the bridge. The last time I refused to give an accommodation to someone I barely knew. That person said “Work on your interpersonal relationship, you are selfish. You only care about yourself”.
It is not a girl thing. I went to a crowd. I didn’t know anyone. It is hard to judge people that you don’t know. They are nice during the first or second time. The signs are shown in the third time. I don’t know why. The leader started. He is a guy. He is a foreigner. But, some foreigners never acted like him. He is young, and he gives a good impression to others because he is drug-free, always polite, a country boy, etc. Some people like him. But, there are also people who don’t like him. He is the one who started. He doesn’t ask me things directly. But, there were days he would tell me things like this “Oh, I would like to go to the trip you are planning. But, I don’t have money”. I pretend I didn’t understand. So, his attitude changed after this. I understand that people sometimes may be greedy. Spending money on others is common when you join in social life. But, we need to know when and we need to do it rightly. The problem is there are other people who are nice and stay in his group. I didn’t have problems with others. I quit because of him. So, he will be a big influence on others about me because he is the creator of the group. So, people will only believe him. I am sure he won’t tell the truth.
Classic manipulation response. You dodged a bullet.
Yeah, this guy sounds like bad news. Gut instincts can be quite reliable, and there’s nothing wrong with staying away from people like that.
Not bad news to others. Because people tend to believe in first impressions. He is never rude to other people. But, he is calculating. Instead of arguing, he would condescend on someone, gaslight and deny everything. I spoke about this to him in private to see if he knows why I was upset. He only guilt tripped me and accused me of being delusional to hear or see things. This is how most manipulators know how to do it. I moved on. I never spoke about this to others. I am not the type of person who tells people not to speak to others just because of my personal experience. But, it is not his case. I moved on and never looked back. But, I went to another venue and group. Guess what? He was there. He did everything to know who are the new fellows I am befriending with. He decided to approach others to make people to have a bad impression about me. He is vindictive. He wants to isolate me from others because he is still upset when I argued with him and left the group. When I argued with him, I told him “If you want to eat or buy things you want, go and get by yourself. You are not a homeless to ask people for things.” He was so pissed, and wants everyone to stop speaking to me. I know I can’t control this. But, it has been 10 years ago. About a couple of months, someone copied and pasted me a message. He is still talking about me and calling me names behind my back. He can’t see one person trying to be my friend. And no, I am not his lover or ex-gf. Just an acquaintance. That’s why I can’t take it. I just joined in his social gathering twice or three times.
This is what I was considering. I moved on. I met other crowds. But, the expat community is a place that you can’t avoid anyone. I went to another venue and saw him. I never spoke about him to anyone. When I moved on, I forgot about him. But, this person spent 10 years making everyone to be afraid of making friendship with me. I believe he is afraid I tell others that he is greedy and calculating. The problem is “I never said anything”, and some people already had the same impression that I had. He didn’t only treat me bad. I don’t care what he says to others. But, I would wish people avoid listening to him if they don’t know me. Just because he pays beer to people, it doesn’t mean everything he says is true. Also, I don’t understand why he can’t move on. It has been 10 years. He still holds the grudge because I argued with him and called him “homeless” because he is always asking people to buy or pay him things.
Yeah, and I am a vunerable person not because people try to manipulate me. I ended up feeling guilty because I feel that I need to become one of them in order to make friendships. This is one thing I am afraid to become. Seriously, I don’t want to do the same thing to anyone or act like these people. Despite I might meet less crowd than those people, it doesn’t make them better than me just because they know more people. They know more people because they are good in manipulation, but I am not.
Real talk time.
Could it be it’s just in your head? Sounds like paranoia honestly.
Anyways, try voicing your concerns to (mutual) friends and families irl. Not internet strangers.
Isn’t that what the D&R forum is about?
@anon25288876 if I was in a situation like yours I would just make a clean brake, any friends that are decent I would stay in touch with but only on a superficial level until they gain my respect. Any people that want to follow him are anyway, that’s up to them and there is nothing you can or should be doing about it. You just go on living your life, if you see this bloke just say hi and keep doing what you’re doing, don’t even give him a second thought. If he is stalking you, then the more it gets to you the more he has control over your life. Keep him like a stranger in the street, if any one speaks about him just say sorry I don’t really know him and change subject. in fact we shouldn’t be having this conversation right now… How’s the weather?
I get the impression there’s a little more to this story, or you wouldn’t be so concerned about ignoring this person. Bottom line is that some people just aren’t very nice, and this guy does seem to be a practiced manipulator. I don’t see any reason to feel bad about wanting to avoid him.
I’ve heard a few stories of people like this ruining an otherwise friendly/successful group activity. I’m kinda surprised the other group members haven’t told him to get lost.