Is this normal for taiwanese flatmate?

i have had lots of flatmates before and i never had any problems with anyone, now in taipei i share an apartment with 2 others, everything was fine until 1 of them let a friend stay for ‘a few days’ (didnt ask us first) but now its been 3 weeks. the one who invited the ‘friend’ is from the us but the other is taiwanese. does this just not bother taiwanese people or what? plus we only have 1 bathroom there are too many people here now and the ‘friend’ is in the living room not in the room of the one who invited ‘friend’

i mean we couldnt say no, ‘friend’ was there one day when we came home and now looks like part of the family… :unamused: :unamused: :smiling_imp: :cry: :help:

if all else fails ask the friend for rent and utilities…and start watching late-night tv while friend is trying to sleep…

Well, i think this is just normal. I mean it’s a bit impolite of your flatmate to let someone stay without asking you guys though. OK back to my point… I’m assuming that your flatmate invited his/her girlfriend/boyfriend there. Well i’m pretty sure you know how these things work. First you date,then sleeps over. If you two think that it’s working out fine, you tend to spend your time more and more with that certain person. (I mean assuming they’re lovers) So i guess it’s just perfectly normal. If there’s something wrong i think it’s your flatmate who didn’t even consider asking his/her flatmates (which is you) about letting someone stay there. Anyway don’t get frustrated over this. I’m pretty sure your flatmate will figure it out on his/her own. Well i gues this is just the way love goes :wink: Those were just my two cents :slight_smile:

What does it matter whether this bothers your Taiwanese flatmate? Even it doesn’t bother him, it obviously bothers you, and you have every right to confront the American flatmate about it. Or are you waiting for the Taiwanese flatmate to confront him?

I was wondering how you’d feel if you invited your girlfriend to stay over at night, and you really liked her. Now you want to spend all your time with her all the time and lets her stay and sleep over as much as she wants to. Then you have flatmates who b***hes about this behind your back, and worst of all, they try to piss her off. I’m not saying the person who invited the person is right. In fact i think it’s totally inconsiderate of him not to ask the flatmates first. But besides that, if i had flatmates who tried to piss off my girlfriend (specially someone i’m in love with) and tries to drive her away, i’d probably kick their asses right into the emergency room without second thought before i move out. Anyway all i’m saying is don’t be irrational about this. If your flatmate doesn’t talk to you about this after a few weeks try talking to him about it. Don’t do stupid stuffs like try to piss his/her off to drive em away. That is just childish.

Talk to your flatmate who allows his friend to stay over; if it’s his lover I would expect he/she would sleep in his room, not in the common living area. And that I would highlight as part of the “problem” (plus the lack of space in general, i.e. bathroom). Ask friendly how long he/she is going to stay and say that you think it’s not ok, in particular if that person is not controbuting to the rent etc. Who is the main tenant of the apartment btw?

yeah but its NOT a girlfriend/boyfriend thing! in fact theyre both the same sex and its just some friend that the roommate met somewhere and admits that theyre not even that close or know each other well. i guess thats why ‘friend’ is sleeping on the floor in the living room not in flatmates room. not only is this annoying for bathroom and space reasons but now ‘friend’ has a key to the flat and has even brought someone there on one day before. not much i can do about it but if anybodys got a nice room in the shita area im about ready to think about moving out. i mean its not just this but what would happen in the future next time flatmate gets some bright idea and the taiwanese flatmate who is supposed to be like the landlord doesnt say no? i have talked to the taiwanese flatmate but the idea is ‘doesnt bother me’ so no reason to even discuss it seriously. :raspberry: :raspberry: :smiling_imp:

well at least i get to vent here, dont want to do it at home because i dont want to offend ‘friend’ its not that ‘friend’ isnt nice enough but enough is enough in my opinion

Ooops! Anyway thanks for correcting me. OK now that i know i got this all wrong…
You mean he’s sleeping in the livingroom. Doh! I thought the friend was just hanging out in the living room often. Hmmm, if this was me i’d talk to your flatmate about it as soon as possible then. I’d probably talk to the taiwanese dude too, and inject a little of those --> “You know there is a cheap apartment just across the street.” or “Hey how much do you think is the cheapest apartment in taipei if i looked for one? Could i possibly be able to find one in half the time span that you have spent here?” Try to make it sound like a joke if you don’t want to offend the dude. Anyway does this so called ‘FRIEND’ even have a job???

Man i thought it was a girlfried thing… Feels pretty stupid at this moment DOH :smiley:

The guy’s a mooch. Tell your legitimate roomate that you signed up for only two roomates. You don’t appreciate having another without your ok. You don’t appreciate paying extra utilities and having to share less space (ie: bathroom, living room) without your consent.

I know this guy. He’s always there, super friendly, cleans up after himself reasonably well, you have no real problem with him except for the situation at hand. He’s been doing this for years. He’s ANNOYING. Get rid of him. If you don’t, imagine this going on and on until you are really angry. Now is not the time to be a nice guy.

I agree with the above poster about a little sarcasm relating to "how much do you think a place costs here, how bout finding a place of your own, " etc. If he’s nobodys bosom buddy, why keep him around? Be an asshole for one hour, light a fire under his ass, and in a short time, he’s gone! You might feel bad until that first saturday morning when you can plop down on YOUR couch in YOUR living room, and flip through a few channels on YOUR TV, relaxing in YOUR space. Hell, having roomates is lousy enough.

Just be firm, expect the worst, and you will probably get what you want. Your Tiawanese roomie probably isn’t bothered because the tiawanese a)work all the time and:
b)are used to closed quarters.

do it now!!!

ps I wouldn’t even let my close friends occupy my living room floor. Either I have a small room or cubbyhole for then, or they understand that they are to get a room somewhere else.

Yes i have to agree with the post above which brings me to another issue. Why would your flatmate even bring a friend back there is they aren’t even good friends anyway? I mean unless i know someone or like someone a lot, i wouldn’t ask them to stay over even if its just for one night.

The problem isn’t with your flatmates, but it’s with you. While you are wondering why they all have permanent guests, they are wondering why you don’t have one. They are in the majority, so you must be in the wrong in this situation.

Maybe you can ask your flatmates if they can help you find a guest of your own. You’re feeling a little left out.

I have problems with my roomates too. I am from Canada and live with 4 Taiwanese people, one of them is my gf of 2 years. I need to get up really early on Saturday mornings for work and they will watch tv and talk at an elevated volume. Here’s what I do; I fight fire with fire. I find out when they have to work early and do the same. They confronted me and we sat down and decided what time the noise should stop, midnight in my house.

If you have trouble, just camp out in the living room too. Ask them to leave, because they don’t live there…And start being really noisy. Force the unwanted person to leave…

I ended up in the same situation. In my case, it ended with me moving out, and the person who moved in after me was also eventually forced out.
In our case it was a boyfriend - girlfriend type thing. The problem was that the Taiwanese girl had spent months saying what sluts foreign girls were, so when she finally got a foreign boyfriend she refused to let him sleep in her bedroom, out of embarrassment, I guess, not that she was fooling anyone - they were definitely fucking, she just insisted he pretend they weren’t. So, anyway, he slept in the living room and basically took over the whole house.

yo why would i be stingy when i could share why would i be hateful if i could care

You’ve never lived in a small apartment with limited bathroom facilities, paying Taipei prices, and have some “nice” person just stay “for a few days” and then end up there three weeks later, bothering you at midnight to “help” with her lesson plans when you have to be up at 6:30 to get to an 8 a.m. class the next morning (and that person supposedly holding an MA in Teaching English - so why the agita about lesson plans)?

It is not an experience I personally care to repeat. My roommate from that period still mentions this woman occasionally, along with the occasional reference to Psycho Housesitter (whom we can only blame ourselves for as we asked her to housesit) who killed one of our cats (“I think the cat might be dead,”) almost burned the place down (huge burn marks around the outlet), “borrowed” stuff and then didn’t bother to mention it, even when the said items had been “stolen” from her (no fault of hers, of course), etc. etc.

Maybe it’s being a bit older, but it was fine to live with the more free-spirit types when I was 20, but now that I’m nearer to 40 I really prefer to find someone who has mastered the concepts of privacy, personal property and responsibility. I mean, “I think the cat is dead”??? :noway:

[quote=“ironlady”]My roommate from that period still mentions this woman occasionally, along with the occasional reference to Psycho Housesitter who killed one of our cats (“I think the cat might be dead,”)

I mean, “I think the cat is dead”??? :noway:[/quote]
No no he’s not dead, he’s, he’s restin’! Remarkable cat, the Norwegian Blue, idn’it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

What I arrived in Taiwan the first time - I used to live in a flat on Leli Rd, right near Heping rd.

My flatmate was a big Canadian bloke named R****** (his identity is hidden, as he used to live together with a moderator), who did the following things to keep his flatmates happy:

  1. Came back from teaching at 10 PM, started the boombox, and kept it running to 4 AM. What’s better than a bit of music when you have to get out of beed at 7AM in order to make it for class.
  2. Out of worry that your food would be spoilt, he would help you consume it.
  3. fits if you complained about the noise.
  4. Wanting you to cover for him when he cheated on his girlfriend - once he gave me a pack of nice roomy condoms he had bought in the US - and made sure tha this gf knew. As soon as she left, he came back and asked for most of them back.

I lasted a month.

No no he’s not dead, he’s, he’s restin’! Remarkable cat, the Norwegian Blue, idn’it, ay? Beautiful plumage![/quote]

That’s right, he wasn’t completely dead, just mostly dead…

Perhaps everyone has an age limit beyond which they can share an apartment with no one. At such an age living quality becomes more important.

Wouldn’t it be better just to downsize (if necessary) and live alone? Even a modestly paid teacher should be able to find the 15K a month needed to rent a two-bedroom apartment in Taipei City, or 10K for a rooftop shack.