Hello all,
I have a lot weighing on my mind about what to do in my current work situation, and I am hoping some of you might have some insight.
I’ve been teaching at a university for about a year. I had thought this was a teaching professor position, but when I arrived I was presented with very different expectations - that I would open a lab, that I would “consult” for other research groups, that I would be an editor for papers written by other faculty members. My main issue was with the expectation of opening a lab and taking in graduate students. Opening a lab is not trivial, and a nontrivial “addition” to a job description, so I was pretty shocked, but still enthusiastic and trying to figure out how to best accommodate these new expectations. Adding to my confusion was that different higher ups at the university were telling me different things - some that I should focus on opening the lab, others that I should focus on consulting for a different research group, etc. Some said that I should just not bother and focus only on teaching as planned.
It has been very difficult to have a straight discussion with any of my colleagues, or even the people who initiated these expectations. It seems that asking a question is seen as starting an argument, and then discussion is shut down. Or the person will dismissively say, “well you don’t have to do it” but I get the sense that they are not happy about it and the expectation is still there.
This confusion and the lack of people to talk to about it has really been weighing me down. I have been focusing on teaching and have gotten good feedback from students. I’ve tried to reach some compromise by mentoring some students as they work on research projects and helping to edit a few papers. But there is still this sense of confusion and the sense that I am not meeting expectations. I think it’s weighing on me because I came in really enthusiastic about the job opportunity, and wanting to contribute the best I could, and I just feel like I’ve dissappointed people from day 1.
Am I just stuck in a rut of thinking about this? I really love many aspects of living in Taiwan and for the most part I’ve really enjoyed and am passionate about the teaching aspect of the job, which is the job I signed up to do. Is there something about work culture or university culture here that I am just not getting? (I am educated in the US and UK. I have distant Taiwanese heritage so some aspects of Taiwanese culture are familiar, but I still sense that there is something about the communication style, or the work culture, that I am not getting.)
I’m thinking of leaving this job soon, but I’m still really conflicted and confused about my experience here. I feel ostracized and isolated from my colleagues (the discrimination I experience in everyday interaction is perhaps a topic for another time). I don’t know if it’s my fault or if I could have handled things better so that my colleagues would like me more, or whatever. It’s wearing on me and I increasingly feel like isolating myself, which I know is probably not productive.
Would appreciate any insight on this blather… or advice about how to make the best of (survive) at least this next semester. Thanks for reading.