The problem with an eye for an eye, is eventually everyone is blind.
You know I once knew a girl that would threaten to seperate with me everytime we got into an argument. Then one day when I got really mad I threatened to seperate with her.
That night she turns to me and said “This is the first time you threatened to seperate with me. Did you really mean it?”
Girls are such insecure people.
Usually girls deliberately pushes the guys buttons to feel empowered. You just have to figure out what is making her so insecure with you that she needs to feel empowered.
Sometimes just by managing her perception with words is enough to make her secure. Sometimes it require action.
I think we may be getting closer to the heart of the matter now ran. Some women go into a panic stricken rage when they begin to realize that their husband is an ineffectual dreamer who spends all their money (and perhaps chases other women around). That can really set them off for awhile. Just keep catering to her needs and gradually she’ll adjust. This dynamic is fairly common to the Taiwan experience I think so perhaps others here can confirm that what I say is true.[/quote]
:bravo: Thanks bob that was the funniest thing I read all day. Funny in a sad, disturbing, personally revealing sort of way but funny nonetheless.
Okay, I’m getting into this on the arse end of the conversation, but anyway… I got divorced (in South Africa) about 5 or six years ago. Shortly after the divorce I went on a military course where I was the only white guy. Being still, quite understandably, under strain and stress about the whole venture I confided in the guys (all black) around me. The listened all nicely about how I used to wash dishes, make the bed, make dinnner, wash the laundry, pick her up from work, take her to work, clean after and discipline her (from a previous marriage) kid etc… After listening to my sad tale they eventually looked at me and said, “It’s your fault she divorced you…”
“Why?”, I asked…
“Because you didn’t lay down the law.”, they said.
“What do you mean?”, I enquired.
“You should have beat the shit out of her the first time she challenged you. Then after that she would have known who is boss and would never have given you crap again. You would still be married today.” They responded as if I was a three year old simpelton…
Now I don’t quite agree with the beating her “ass down” approach, but I do think you should grow a back bone. These lads had one thing right. No women likes a wuss. Be a man. Stand your ground. A women wants a man. Not a little boy she can manipulate like clay.
If, however, I’m wrong and you are just in an abusive or desconstructive relationship… Get the hell out.
Other than that, follow your heart… It’s really up to you.
you know i was reading about how the number one reason guys get left is being too nice. Askmen.com says love is an airplane with only one parachute. whoever doesn’t take it and jump first is going down with the plane. in other words if you wait for your SO to leave you you’ll be the one crying. your selfesteem will be destroyed. but if you jump first, it’ll be her.
damn what a wicked predicament we humans are in! is there any hope for the redemption of the human race? are we a little lower than God, or just a step above the apes?
[quote=“rantheman”]you know I was reading about how the number one reason guys get left is being too nice. Askmen.com says love is an airplane with only one parachute. whoever doesn’t take it and jump first is going down with the plane. in other words if you wait for your SO to leave you you’ll be the one crying. your selfesteem will be destroyed. but if you jump first, it’ll be her.
damn what a wicked predicament we humans are in! is there any hope for the redemption of the human race? are we a little lower than God, or just a step above the apes?[/quote]
Ranthe - You seem like a really nice chap. However, I should say that you should think about your situation more clearly. How do you really feel about this woman? How does she really feel about you? No form of abuse is healthy in a relationship…
Work it out or else… You really need to sort this one out mate…
A theory proposed by a male friend on Asian women… and from his experience with a couple of Taiwanese girls
He pointed out that alot of Taiwanese men treat their wife’s like an accessory… it is expected to have the little girlfriend… go to KTV… be a chauvinist…
(From what I have seen not all are like this… but even some of my Taiwanese male friends have the preception of this is the way it is)
Alot of Asian women are used to be treated as “second class” by men… its part of their history and culture
So a western guy who will treat them as equal comes along and some are enamered by this, but after a while they either consciously or subconsciously take advantage of this, since they don’t have the checks and balances imposed as they would with an Asian husband
I agree on the point about laying down the rules… I would say not the law. People have to operate under some understanding and rules like with anything in business, sports etc… they cannot go off in tagents, change the rules when it is to their advantage or pleasing, and fly off in rages when they feel like it… people like that unstable and trouble, and will drag you down. Relationships are a two way street… not a one way where the other person can moe you down
Backing down is not a good idea, cause eventhough it may stop the shit hitting the fan this time, its an open invitation for her to do this again, to get whatever she wants
I can’t imagine myself ever hitting a woman, but if my wife/mistress/girlfriend launched a vicious attack on me and failed to heed my injunction to desist at once, I’d be inclined to forcibly restrain her, truss her up so she couldn’t move (grabbing a handful of neckties or pulling off her clothes to bind her up with), and leave her in that state until she’d come to her senses, acknowledged the wrongness of her actions, begged my forgiveness, and promised never to do anything like that again. Then I’d kiss her, untie her, and make passionate love to her.
I can’t imagine myself ever hitting a woman, but if my wife/mistress/girlfriend launched a vicious attack on me and failed to heed my injunction to desist at once, I’d be inclined to forcibly restrain her, truss her up so she couldn’t move (grabbing a handful of neckties or pulling off her clothes to bind her up with), and leave her in that state until she’d come to her senses, acknowledged the wrongness of her actions, begged my forgiveness, and promised never to do anything like that again. Then I’d kiss her, untie her, and make passionate love to her.[/quote]
Can I try that even if there is no vicious attack? Sounds kinda fun.
BTW, being a man doesn’t have to involve yelling and screaming or putting your foot down (literally). You can be in control of yourself and calm and still take charge or better yet, be respected.
All this talk about hitting and, well, hitting makes my stomach turn. It’s challenging for me to take these things lightly since I worked in the DV field for quite a while. I definitely have some vicarious trauma still.
Rantheman’s situation, at best, is unclear here: is it common aggression that takes place in couplehood? Is it a situation full of high conflicts due to personality differences and poor conflict resolution skills? Or is it abuse where there is a pattern of power and control? How long have you been together? How long has this been going on? More need to be revealed, I think, to judge the situation fairly since interpersonal relationships can be very complicated. There are a lot of gaps to be filled in.
And, do you want to work it out? Or do you want to vent? (Both are very valid. Sometimes all we need is just to vent.)
I think your wife needs some time on the couch…send her on over…I’ll send you a bill.
I understand what you are going through I’ve been through the same kind of situation. I was working illegally and my gf would hold it over my head, threaten to call the F.A.P. on me…enough was enough I went back home to Canada. She found out that she loved me more than she thought, we talked about resolving our “issues” and became closer as we got further apart. It’s been almost six months apart, we’re getting married at the end of August.
I always find it a bit ironic in the shit humans put up with or put people thru who are family. The irony is that no one would ever do the things ran’s wife is doing to their boss, neighbors, friends, coworkers.
Ran you are an adult and need to decide if you want to put up with it. If it’s worth it or not. IMO, it’s not worth all the money in Fort Knox to put up with someone who can’t control their emotions and behavior. Why get married? Hell just find a crappy boss, at least you’d get PAID for being shit on.
As for the men who think laying down the law is right. You have to be careful there, because there’s a fine line between laying down the law and dominating your spouse. Ran what you want is someone who respects your boundries. And emphasis on respect. She lacks it for you and herself. And this is only going to keep on until you realize that you are enabling the situation. So, on some level you ‘get’ something out of it. Does having someone demean you support your subconious(sp) beliefs that you aren’t good enough? Lovable enough? You want change, start with you.
I’d do what AC said. Take her angry behind to her parents house next time she’s doing all that ranting and raving. And change the locks. She wants to act like a child, let her go live at home.
[quote=“Namahottie”]I always find it a bit ironic in the shit humans put up with or put people through who are family. The irony is that no one would ever do the things ran’s wife is doing to their boss, neighbors, friends, coworkers.
Ran you are an adult and need to decide if you want to put up with it. If it’s worth it or not. IMO, it’s not worth all the money in Fort Knox to put up with someone who can’t control their emotions and behavior. Why get married? Hell just find a crappy boss, at least you’d get PAID for being shit on.
As for the men who think laying down the law is right. You have to be careful there, because there’s a fine line between laying down the law and dominating your spouse. Ran what you want is someone who respects your boundries. And emphasis on respect. She lacks it for you and herself. And this is only going to keep on until you realize that you are enabling the situation. So, on some level you ‘get’ something out of it. Does having someone demean you support your subconious(sp) beliefs that you aren’t good enough? Lovable enough? You want change, start with you.
I’d do what AC said. Take her angry behind to her parents house next time she’s doing all that ranting and raving. And change the locks. She wants to act like a child, let her go live at home.
Beat your wife? Where am I? Don’t you raise your hand bro.
Rantheman, did your wife really beat you up? It ‘sounds’ like a guys worst nightmare.
Here are some probable reasons why you aggravated her. a) You weren’t ready when she got home. Thats possibly disrespectful in her eyes. You had all day to get ready, and you blew it. b) She went bolo after you mentioned her brother. Are you pushing a button there? Might I suggest you initiated, and then aggravated the trouble. Caveat Emptor, her responsive behaviour is not acceptible.
A marriage takes 2 people. 2 people who have mutual love and respect for each other. You visit whores to deal with your problems. What kind of solution is that? A short term destructive one.
Are you able to talk to each other without it getting heated? Can you both break new ground. Rob Base and DJ Easy Rock said it best, “It takes 2 to make a thing go right, and it takes two to make it out of sight.”
Here is a joke to cheer you up. What is the difference between the Italian mafia, and the Glaswegian mafia? The Italian mafia make you an offer you can’t refuse, the Glaswegian mafia make you an offer you can’t understand! Boom Boom.
