So one day a lonely Sheila puts an ad in the classifieds:
"Looking for a man. Only have three requirements.
He doesn’t drink too much
He won’t run away from me
He’s good in bed"
A couple of days later she hears the doorbell ring. Opens the door to see a man with no arms and no legs.
“Gday” he says. “I’m here for the ad. I don’t have any arms so I won’t be drinking too much pom kryptonite (slang for beer because poms can’t go near a good cold beer). And I don’t have any legs so I won’t be running away from you.”
“So what makes you think you’re good in bed?” She replies
“Well I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?” He responds
So a priest was finishing his tour of duty in the jungles of South America. He decides he better teach them a bit od English before he goes. So he gets the chief and off the go walking in the jungle.
“Rock”, he says, pointing at a rock.
“Tree” he says, pointing at a tree
And so they go on
But before long they come along a man and a woman doing the dirty in a cluster of bushes
Flustered, the priest tells the chief"m-man riding b-bike!"
Without a word, the chief takes out his bow and arrows and shoots them both dead
The priest blows up “what have I taught you?! About sin? About killing?”
The chief turns to him and says:
“My bicycle”
A woman is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband comes running in
Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror.
“Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!”
The wife, startled at her husband’s violent reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.
“You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!”
The wife, concerned by the status of her husband’s mental state,forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs.
“WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY??? Where are we going to get the butter? They’re going to stick! HURRY!”
The wife runs to the fri-
“CAREFUL about the eggs! CAREFUL. You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them quickly! Oh not that quickly, don’t you know how to cook? Are you insane? Turn the EGGS!”
At this point, the wife starts crying, since she has no idea what to do.
She gasps, “What is WRONG with you? I know how to cook eggs.”
The husband simply smiles and replies, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like while I’m driving with you in the car,” and leaves.
