Why did all the lemmings jump from the dock?
Pier pressure
5 Likes
I broke up with my girlfriend because she screamed too much during sex
Sometimes I could hear her two blocks away
7 Likes
How did the hammerhead shark do on the test?
She nailed it
Photo by David Clode on Unsplash
It was more good luck than good management, but the lighting in the instant when I took this photo reflected a subtle turquoise colour from beneath, and enhanced the bronze of the shark’s back above. Photo taken at the Cairns aquarium.
2 Likes
This probably doesn’t belong here but I don’t want to gravedig either. Enjoy.
This an imaged scene based on Billy Joel’s song “Piano Man”
2 Likes
3 Likes
In the spirit of @GooseEgg’s recent dad joke binge-
Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?
Because he conditioned it.
7 Likes
What happens when Dwayne Johnson and a pig give you a hug?
You’re stuck between The Rock and a lard place
5 Likes
OMG! That’s so terrible it’s kinda good
1 Like
What is the strongest sea creature?
A mussell
3 Likes
What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean?
Nothing, it just waved
5 Likes
Just for Senor Egg
This lady who’s like 8 months pregnant is sitting in the park.
This little 5-year-old kid peels up on his Wheelie Sneakers and just stops, staring at her.
“What’s that??” he says, pointing at her tummy.
She smiles and says “Well that’s my baby!”
“Your baby?” says the kid
“Yes” she answers.
Kid just stands there for a moment, then asks
“Do you love it???”
“Why of course I do!”
He takes a minute and says
“Then why’d you eat it???”
4 Likes
An Englishman and an Irishman go to a bakery. The Englishman steals three buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman: “That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn’t even see me.”
“That’s just simple thievery,” the Irishman replied. “I’ll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results.”
The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says: “Sir, I want to show you a magic trick.” The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick.
The Irishman asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it. He asked two more times and after eating them again the owner says: “Okay my friend, where’s the magic trick?”
The Irishman then said: “Look in the Englishman’s pockets.”
10 Likes
What do you call a tea drinking wizard?
A Cup and Sorcerer
2 Likes
Do you know how much a pie costs in Cuba? Just an average pie. It’s $2.35. In Jamaica, it’s $3.50.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean
8 Likes
3 Likes
What did the violin say to the sad guitar?
Don’t fret
2 Likes
A plane has just touched down at the airport. How do you know that a pom is on board?
You can still hear whining even after the plane’s engine has stopped.
2 Likes
Why can’t the bumblebee choose which flower to land on?
It’s having a floral dilemma
3 Likes
Dude 1: Hey, bro?
Dude 2: Yeah, bro?
Dude 1: Can you pass me that pamphlet?
Dude 2: Brochure.
4 Likes