What happens when 2 rain drops fall in love?
The become rain beaus
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Abortion is unnecessary.
Period. 
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Why did the group of crows cross the road?
I donât know, itâs a murder mystery
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Yesterday 6 March was Michelangeloâs birthday. I would make a joke about the work he did at the Sistine Chapel, but it might go over your head.
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So two mates are out bushwacking. Whilst doign this, one of them, gazza, needs to drain the dragon so he goes off and does his business.
Whilst doing so a snake jumps out and bites him in the todger. He screams out in pain.
His mate bazza runs up to see whatâs going on
âa snake bit me on the todger!â
âdonât worry, Iâll call the ambosâ, bazza says, and calls the ambos.
âhelp! me mateâs been bitten on the todger by a snakeâ
âdonât worryâ says the operater. âWeâll send a flying doctor to your location. In the maentime, all you need to do to keep him alive is to suck the venom out of the woundâ.
âokâ says bazza,and he hangs up.
âwhat did he say?â asks Gazza
Bazza turns to him. âIâm sorry mate. He says youâre going to die.â
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Feeling lonely, Sheila one day decides to put an ad in the local classifieds. It reads:
âKind hearted woman looking for a man. Three requirements: he mustnât drink too much, he mustnât run away from me, and he must be good in bed.â
A few days later she hears the door bell ring. She opens the front door to find a man there with no arms and no legs.
âGday.â He says âthe nameâs Jake. Iâm here about the ad in the paper. Iâve got no arms so I wonât be drinking too many frothies, and Iâve got no legs so I wonât be running away from you.â
âWell⌠What makes you think youâre good in bed, then?â Sheila asks.
The man smiles. âWell I rang the doorbell, didnât I?â
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Itâs still funny, but not as funny as the first time you posted it. Youâre starting to resemble Dr. Milker! 
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Whatâs the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
Attire.
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@tempogain, @yyy, and @Toe_Save are coming out from a Mods meeting on Anhe Rd, and a drunk in a blue truck jumps the curb and slams into them.
Tragically, all three are killed instantly.
They wake up to find themselves sitting side by side on a white marble bench in this all white room with a huge white curtain across one end.
Before anyone can say anything, a huge booming voice calls out from on high.
â@yyy, riseâ
@yyy stands up and the curtain parts.
Revealed is a filthy cellar room with rats and roaches scurrying back and forth.
On the floor is a stained army blanket on which reclines the Bathtub Lady from The Shining.
âStep forwardâ the voice commands.
@yyy does so.
â@yyy, to atone for your sins, you must pleasure this womanâŚfor all eternity!â
@yyy is pulled by invisible force to the blanket, and the curtain closes.
@tempogain looks at @Toe_Save and gulps audibly.
âDamn!â
The voice rings out again
â@tempogain, riseâ
@tempogain stands up and the curtain parts.
Revealed is an even filthier cellar room with spiders and centipedes crawling all over.
On the floor is a much older army blanket, teeming with maggots, in the middle of which sits the Kissing Granny from Bill and Ted.
âStep forwardâ the voice commands.
@tempogain does so.
â@tempogain, to atone for your sins, you must pleasure this womanâŚfor all eternity!â
@tempogain is pulled by invisible force to the blanket, and the curtain closes.
Alone on the bench, @Toe_Save is sweating profusely, dreading whatâs to come.
The voice rings out again
â@Toe_Save, riseâ
@Toe_Save stands up and the curtain parts.
Revealed is an exquisitely decorated boudoir, with ornate decorations and velvet curtains. A fountain gurgles in one corner, and there, in the center of the room, sits a huge round bed.
Kneeling in the centre of the bed is a young Selma Hayek, as she appeared in From Dusk 'til Dawn.
âStep forwardâ the voice commands.
@Toe_Save does so, smirking at his good fortune.
The voice booms
"Selma Hayek, to atone for your sinsâŚ
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What did Selma Hayek do?
A guy falls in love with a very traditional and conservative girlâŚ
âŚthat means no sex before marriage. But he doesnât care, he loves her. After a year of dating he decides its time to propose to her. So he heads to her fatherâs house to ask for his blessing.
âHello, sir, Iâm here to ask for your daughterâs handâ
A bit sceptical and looking to see if he really does love her, the father asks âAnd why is that?â
The guy lets out a long drawn out sigh⌠âWell, its just that mine have gotten tired.â
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Yeah okay, if I have to fill an actorâs shoes, Iâll take Jack over Keanu. 
(Plus, the Bathtub Lady comes in two models! 
)
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