Lies (conflict avoidance) of my Taiwanese GF

I’m not living in Taiwan, but I’m dating a Taiwanese LDR. We’re both in Europe. We met each other during an exchange almost 2 years ago.

For some time now, I’ve been perceiving some kind of conducts and behaviours that I think are very cultural-specific. Of course, every individual is different, but this characteristic, I guess, is very East Asian: conflict avoidance and lying to, precisely, avoid it.

Well, in June I had a visit to France planned. Days before going, I noticed she was very strange. It is true that during those weeks in May, she felt quite sorry because she remembered what that partner did to her, added to the confinement due to the coronavirus… Three days before, as I said, she barely answered my messages, in a very dry way.

When I finally arrived, thirty minutes after being in her apartment, she told me that she had not spent the last three nights there, but that she had been at this friend’s house with her parents because she felt that she was not herself, because she was very sad, etc. It felt like a stab in the chest to me. Imagine: they let you know that half an hour after arriving, with all the illusion of spending 18 days with the bride. What made me sick inside was that she didn’t inform me that she felt bad enough to seek comfort from another man.

She laughed as she revealed the news to me and then told me that she had been talking to friends and this guy himself to see how she could tell me so I wouldn’t feel bad. She told me that he was just a friend, nothing romantic, and that she was with his parents most of the time, plus after work, the guy was off to see his ex-girlfriend. That laugh killed me. I knew before getting here something was a bit weird and while telling me, she laughs…

'm going to go see her in less than three weeks again. We’ve already talked about this three times and each time she’s ended up crying. Since we started, she has reiterated to me that she is afraid of abandonment, that I will leave her without explanation, that she is emotionally dependent. I don’t know what the hell to do. These days at my house have been great. My parents like the girl and she had a good time here too.

Our plan is to try to get together next year, as I’m finishing my degree. Very often she asks me if I love her, if I am serious, if I am ever going to leave her because I am going to get tired of her and her bad management of emotions, if her ex left her saying that she transmitted negative energy?

I must say she already hid things: for example, she didn’t tell me sometimes she smokes so I won’t delete, say, this image of good girl I have of her. She is a bit obsessed with getting along and not causing any problem.

She tells me her parents and relatives call her fat (WTF, she isn’t at all).

Do you guys think this girls is manipulative? Is this a normal behaviour in Taiwan? I’ve seen/read some papers on Japan society and, apparently, this is such a common thing there. As people grow up without affection, then they have problems managing their emotions and feelings and all implies later.

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I’m not sure how much you’ve dated. This sounds like a needy low self esteem girl. Nothing to do with Taiwan or culture.

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Yeah, that’s what the OP is clearly describing. So, yeah. That’s about all that can be said, I would say.

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girls are the same everywhere. lmao. some cultures are better at hiding it. you need to go no contact and leave.

"The time to reef is when you first think about it.”

I would counter that the level of (emotional) immaturity is significantly higher in Taiwan compared to fex European countries.

Honestly this sounds like me and i’m a 31 year old British male.

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Have you done a survey?

Nope, but consider the many contributing factors:

  • demanding schooling leaving very little time for learning socialisation skills.
  • as a consequence, little experience with relationships and realistic expectations
  • living with parents until 30s or longer
  • lack of independence, unable to (international) travel alone.
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I doubt that kind of generalization and negative framing has any value. Different cultures are different. You’ll have to look at each person individually as far as deciding about a relationship.

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Probably true on average. Although I do find Taiwanese women tend to have a more mature concept of family values and such.

But as I’ve said, this doesn’t sound like anything to do with Taiwanese culture specifically.

Use your intuition.

Is it normal to start a relationship with the way she is behaving?

Is it normal for you start a relationship after asking online strangers whether Taiwanese women are this or that?

Follow your heart/gut feel, sir!

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So hit it and quit it?

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When in doubt, bail out.

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What a sad person you must be lmao :unamused:

conflict avoidance and lying to, precisely, avoid it.

there you have it.

You need to sit down with her and tell you your expectations.

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Drama drama drama

Find a girl with less drama yes easier said than done

We have all been there

Can a Taiwan girl be lying and evasive ? yes
Can any girl ? yes

Sorry you had to fly to find out

But LTR are hard

Mao ZHI tung (or maybe genghis khan) once said
Distant water does not save near fire

You be distant water what’s a girl to do to put out her fire ?

The only girl you can be pretty sure won’t cheat on you with a man is lesbian or she has as much use for sex as a nun

Either way you are out of luck yourself

Maybe better to let her get some service while you get some yourself

Unfortunately if you flew out only to discover she’s been staying at some dudes house for “3 days” the odds are this has been going on for a lot longer than just 3 days. Don’t kid yourself she’s just there to stay with this guy friends family.

Since we started, she has reiterated to me that she is afraid of abandonment, that I will leave her without explanation

This is a cope on her part to justify her actions, and also reveals she probably has cheated. It’s up to you if you accept your green hat or not, but a lot of people will cheat in that timeframe. 2 years is a long time, especially if you have no real roadplan out of your LDR.

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Rather than coming here asking for answers, try looking inwards and discovering yourself and the type of women you’re attracted to.

This girl is one red flag after the next.

Oh, and maybe I’m a little old-school, but I’ve never in my life had a woman sleep over and it wasn’t all about doing the nasty…in the kitchen, on the balcony, in the park, and sometimes in bed.

I guess I’ve reached that point in my life where I judge the situation based on someone’s actions, and not their ability to manipulate me thru lies, tears, and elaborate stories.

good luck with that, eh!

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Wait until they tell you how bad you look lol