Shi’ite hits the fan
By Walter Dodgers
Thousands of southern Iraqis are celebrating the end of the war by cranking up the dials on newly liberated air conditioning units.
“Thank you the American people for giving me the chance to steal for my family my very own CoolBreeze 2000,” said Basra resident Mohammed al-Hendo as he climbed out of a hole in the wall of Carrefour. “Even without the 100 percent discount, it is truly the mother of all air cons.”
Shiite Happens
by Irma Nutcase
ETc…
Iraq 
by miltownkid
Shite Muslims: the hidden irish connection
Michael O’ Toole from Toomevarra, County Tipperary agreed to an interview today. As one of the growing muslim adherants in Tipperary we asked him a few questions about mastitis and the wireworm in the carrots this year.
Journo:Michael , what was it that attracted you to ShiteIslam?
Michael: I was always interested in it. Ever since I was a little fella running around with no shoes I was stepping in shite. I’d come home from school every evening and my father would say, get the shite out of here and go muck the cowhouse out. Piles of shite feet high. It just never seemed to stop. There was always more of it.
Journo: A typical country childhood really
Michael: Yes, of course in Tipperary we would be very republican so it couldn’t be shit this, shit that. Too upper class, british you know. Shite was the only form allowed. It was all a natural progression.
Jorno: So whats with the Iraqi connection?
Michael: I was over there in BaghDad and I had a meeting with Mr.Aziz , nice fella actually, you know no. 5 on the cards like. Well I was organising a live shipment of bullocks at the time.I never met Saddam himself but I heard he wasn’t a Shite himself although I always thought he was, so do most people I know.
To cut a long story short, I met Brownie my lovely Iraqi wife. When she told me she was only a Shite Muslim I said don’t worry, we are all little children in the eyes of God. If some of us stray sometimes it is human nature. She convinced me that to be a Shite Muslim was better than being a bad christian, and as I had the experience with Shite all my life it wasn’t a difficult decision
Journo: So have you anything that could sum up your experiences for our listeners
Michael: I may not be in Iraq anymore but I can tell you I’m the same old Shite as ever , isn’t that right kids? Go on and clean out the cowhouse now, great kids aren’t they?..
SARS KILLS EVERYBODY! EVERYBODY DEAD!
Have you seen the smoking gun?
Forget Saddam. Baghdad is buzzing with rumours of the smoking gun. I asked Baghdad residents what they had heard…
Mr SissySassy, professional looter and voluntary policeman gave his comments.
I saw a fella with an AK 47 and he’d just fired off a couple of rounds at the kids in the playground. I can’t be sure but it sure liked smoke was coming out of the barrel. I can’t think what else it could have been. I suppose it could have been steam though.
Mr WisiWashi was quick to jump in
Why just yesterday I saw some american marines burning a whole pile of smoking guns in a great bonfire. When I approached they aimed their guns at me and chewed their gum in a menacing way. I
think it’s a yankee conspiracy! But they could have been a pile of sticks! It’s hard to tell!
Mrs NansiPansi muttered through her veil
Myself and my hushband comme back from Syria yesterdayyy.
I couldn’t see through the veil verrrry well and I lose my glasses but I saw sign that read .
No smoking
No gun
with big red Xs and hanging behind guards. They tried to make the the sign less obvious with pictures of candy wrappers.
Why woulddd dey put sign saying no smoking gun unless they something to hide?
This coming on reports that a gun disguised as a zippo lighter was found in a Baghdad Jokeshop and a newly discovered Taiwanese connection (Made in Taiwan was clearly printed on the bottom) is giving the Bush Administration cheer in their search for Weapons of Mass Destruction.
Welcome to E-Raq…you’ve got veil
AP Baghdad - With Saddam gone, and the ban on freedom of speech more or less lifted until the Bush regime takes place, Iraq is looking to get online and share their stories of their hardships, get e-mail from family members who left long ago, go to amazon.com to order Salman Rushdie’s newest book (if only to spite Saddam), and of course, download porn. There is even talk of setting up a new web address extension of .sdmsx (pronounced sa DAM suks) to celebrate the ousting of the fallen leader. The first proposed site, of course, would be www.e-raq.sdmsx which would feature a lost and found site, particularly for nuclear, chemical, and biological weapons seeing as even the United States armed forces cannot find them…
Qa’alif Lan “Iraqs”!
Reuters - The world’s first Iraq and Roll Hall of Fame to open soon in obscure city of Qa’alif Lan Al-hai’a near the border of Qa’a nada. First inductees to include blues legend Muhammuddi Wa’atas, 80’s band Iman at Work, and of course, Queen Latifah.
Vietnam Thanks Its Lucky SARS
AP Hanoi
The Ministry of Health in the former/still-a-little communist country thanked Roger Daltry, Pete Townsend, John Entwistle and Keith Moon for declaring them the first country to get a handle on the SARS crisis. Said one local doctor, “It was easy. We just fudged the numbers. Pretty simple really. I don’t know why China was caught and we weren’t. I guess we just have better control over our people here.”
SARS KILLS EVERYBODY! EVERYBODY DEAD! deadpanned Sandman.
But Sandman, how could that headline make it into print if everyone was already dead?
A Monument to Incompentence Hedliney
The world awaits a nail-biting finale to this year’s We Duped the Public Awards.
The two nominees are “Weapons of Mass Destruction,” nominated by disgraced US President George W. Bush and “SARS,” nominated by an incompetent medical community and the mass media.
The War in Iraq, a direct result of Bush’s endorsement of “Weapons of Mass Destruction,” led to thousands of military and civilian deaths. SARS, on the other hand, led to the decimation of the tourism and travel industry in Asia and the loss of livelihoods of tens of thousands of people.
Asked about the Gulf War, General Tommy Jarhead, brushing the DU dust off his uniform said, “Fuck you, I’ve got a gun and a job for life.” A Taiwanese doctor, who declined to give his real name of Chen, said, “I’m not gonna fucking lose face over this, I’ve got a job for life.”
Fat Whitey, an avid reader of the Taipei Times, had a diametrically opposed opinion. “I have a job for life pretending to be a teacher,” he said. “Why should I give a fuck?”
[quote=“Mucha (Muzha) Man”]Vietnam Thanks Its Lucky SARS
AP Hanoi
The Ministry of Health in the former/still-a-little communist country thanked Roger Daltry, Pete Townsend, John Entwistle and Keith Moon for declaring them the first country to get a handle on the SARS crisis. Said one local doctor, “It was easy. We just fudged the numbers. Pretty simple really. I don’t know why China was caught and we weren’t. I guess we just have better control over our people here.”[/quote]
Yeah, I just checked out the WHO website (personally I liked it better when they just stuck with music) and I think it said there were 63 cases of SARS, 5 of them have died, and FIFTY-THREE of them have recovered? WTF? :shock: The US Center for Disease Control is issuing health warnings to avoid non-emergency travel to Vietnam whereas China and Hong Kong are to be avoided under only unnecessary travel and they say that because the availability of decent health care in Vietnam is marginal, they are doing voluntary evacuation through embassies there. How in the hell could they get recovery numbers higher than Taiwan (53 in 63 patients versus 17 in 66 patients) which is a much more developed country? And there are no travel warnings for Taiwan…unless it’s because they consider it a part of China…no wait, they said to avoid “mainland China”. So what’s up with that?
Monkey. Fat Whitey is about to lose his job for life. As are we all.
[quote=“formosa”]SARS KILLS EVERYBODY! EVERYBODY DEAD! deadpanned Sandman.
But Sandman, how could that headline make it into print if everyone was already dead?[/quote]
The cockroaches, after long being oppressed by humanity and their damned cans of Raid and Black Flag, must have written it as their last thumb to the nose (or would that be antenna to the mandible) toward mankind.
[quote=“formosa”]SARS KILLS EVERYBODY! EVERYBODY DEAD! deadpanned Sandman.
But Sandman, how could that headline make it into print if everyone was already dead?[/quote]
Think. Think hard. Is the penny dropping yet?
Piggybacking off Mucha Man…
The WHO declares “The Vietnamese Are Alright”
WHO’s on first? WHO’s on first!
by Samuel Adams
New Jersey Register
Etc etc…
What, you cannot be Sarious!!!
John McEnroe visits China
Think. Think hard. Is the penny dropping yet?[/quote]
Reuters: Yesterday Mr. James Everybody aged 65 died of SARS…
Written by Earl Nobody.
SARS GETTING WORSE SAY DOCTORS, MASK MANUFACTURERS