Making intentions clear to Taiwanese/Chinese girls

I used to have a problem back in Taiwan where I’d meet a girl, exchange numbers, meet up and have a good time, but then she’d act surprised when I indicate my intentions were more than just “hanging out” and being friends or going on language exchanges. The same thing just happened to me with a Chinese postgrad student I met here in London who I got on amazingly well with. This has never been a thing that happens to me with non-Chinese/Taiwanese girls.

Which leads me to believe that either Chinese/Taiwanese girls are really naive and think I’m just some English gentleman interested in their culture or I’m just really, really bad at sending out the right signals? Well, the latter is most likely true, but as I mentioned earlier, this doesn’t happen when I meet girls from other countries who seem to get that when a guy asks a girl for their phone number, it doesn’t usually mean he just wants to be her friend.

So how does one make it clear with Chinese and Taiwanese girls that their intentions are for more than just “hanging out” without coming across as weird? And I wonder if I’m the only person experiencing this? Considering how many people on this forum and elsewhere claim that dating Taiwanese girls is “easy”, I feel like I am.

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Often, you have to be friends first.

If you use Tinder, it’s a lot easier.

Another easy way is to make female friends and then ask about their cute friend.

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images

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nope

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Dating taiwanese girls is easy if you are already “their type”. In taiwan dating isnt about knowing someone deeply, its about already knowing what u want and just seeing if u find it or not. Both seems similar concepts but they arent. What u experienced, i also experienced it.It also depends on where u meet a girl. If u meet on tinder then its most likely a date kind hangout. So maybe try that? I bet you will get many matches

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did you offer to check her writing?

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While in Taiwan, I did actually use Tinder and get many matches, but I found it boring and I couldn’t connect with 99% of the matches after we began chatting. Even though I suck at it, I prefer meeting girls in the wild. It’s exciting.

So now I’m in London and I met the Chinese student I mentioned in my original post in a coffee shop the old-fashioned way. We exchanged numbers and a few messages before meeting up again, literally spending the whole day together chatting and getting on really well, but she seemed genuinely surprised when I tried making my intentions more clear. I don’t know if I should persevere instead of just accepting defeat.

@Marco’s post above saying you often have to be friends first is interesting and makes me wonder if maybe this is all part of the process and I gave up too early when things like this happened to me in the past in Taiwan…

I actually did offer and I did check her writing! Was that a good move or did I just move myself straight into the “Friend Zone”?

Did you get an actual rejection? She may be expecting you to pursue her a bit.

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It is a tricky line these days between “she’s just not into you, don’t be creepy” and “she’s just playing a bit hard to get, don’t give up too early” :man_shrugging: I have no advice here, except that if you think she’s worth it then you can make a few gentle overtures to make sure (has worked for me in the past)

That said, I’ve had several Chinese and Taiwanese girls make it very easy over the years, no signals misplaced. Maybe it helps to be friends first, and for some that is important, but in my experience it hasn’t been necessary at all…

I was being cheeky, and meaning to imply that all she was looking for was an editor, so if you didn’t pass the bar here you were out of luck. Depending on how you checked her writing, and communicated your feedback, you could have moved yourself into one zone or another, yeah…

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You need to make your intentions clear. From the start. Tell them what you want and expect. Be forthright and direct with your language. Don’t leave anything to interpretation.

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This was the case with me in U.K. number of years ago with a Chinese nurse.
I did then! went crazy :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: she wanted babies, sell my house move in with her and her mentally disabled younger sister, this sudden change happened day after we slept together, that part took 6 weeks dating.
Me Being reluctant at such short notice she went really weird on me.

However she’s a student different situation I suppose, so yeah I reckon keep going 4-6 weeks, no go accept it and move in.

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If you’ve seen any soap operas from Taiwan, you know that overacting is what is called for.
Think Benny Hill. Even with the sound off, you know what he’s thinkin’.

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I know being in wild is fun but taiwan isnt that kind of country where meeting in wild for dating is that obvious. It happens yes but its rare. And even if u hang out with someone from the wild, she will think of it just as a hangout. Taiwan is a place where if u just randomly say hi to a girl u see in a cofee shop, she will be super confused why u r doing it. But its not as complicated, no matter where u meet girls in taiwan, just let them know what u want. if they think u r creepy then go on to the next one. Eventually u will find the one who will like your straightforward response

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I’m not quite sure what you mean with “making intentions clear”. It sounds to me too boring to be so direct, to any girl (taiwanese or western).

It is much better to do the classical strategies: demonstrating value, teasing the girl, being playful, doing fun stuff, getting her to meet at your place,
letting her join doing stuff you want to do anyway (sports, heck even buying groceries can be fun), …

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Tell her she looks fat and her skin is dark then get your best friend to tell her you like her.

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Rookie mistake. :slight_smile:

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You shouldn’t ‘hang out’.
Go on a date and cut it off after 1.5 hours max. Make sure you end it. If she asks why it is short, just say, you got to be somewhere. Don’t do all day things. That does not make them more interested, as most men will do or say something stupid in that time.
If she is interested in you, you would find out.
No contact with her unless it is for a date. And don’t do any favours like checking her English.

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They will keep you around as long as you are useful.

It’s great you found out so soon and not after months or years. She just isn’t into you.

You could be amazing lovers but still, she isn’t into you.

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What exactly did you do to make your intentions more clear?

This is a missing vital piece of information key to solving your quandary.

I doubt you can go on for 1.5 hours without saying something stupid.

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