Hopefully this is not off topic given that this happened in Japan and not Taiwan.
Anyhow, I met this local Japanese girl at a bar in Japan during my short vacation there of two weeks. We had a really good conversation and she invited me to a club where we danced a bit and then went to a Karaoke club afterwards. It was my last night in that particular city and that was that.
But then she texts me on Instagram a few days later telling me she was coming to the current city I’m in which is Tokyo in order to meet some of her friends. I asked if she wanted to meetup and she agreed. She stayed at my hotel and we hooked up.
Then I invited her to come to an amusement park with me several days ahead, plans I had made already. She had never been but really wanted to go so she said yes. We spent the next 2 days together before the amusement park day. We did couple-like stuff like hold hands, we went shopping and sight seeing together, I even joked she was my “Tokyo Girlfriend” which she laughed at. Mind you, many of these things she initiated, such as holding my hands, spooning me in bed, etc. and so I reciprocated even though I did like it too. Though this was all nice I never intended this to be anything more than a fling.
Anyhow, a day later we were supposed to meet back at the hotel after we had our own plans. For me I had to meet a friend and she was going to meet a friend too. I came back to the hotel at night and her luggage was gone and all that was left was a note she had written to me saying that she didn’t want to “lead me on” and felt sorry about it. She thanked me, said she cared about me and wished me safe travels and also said she “couldn’t lie to herself” and that we should stop seeing each other.
I was a bit confused because I thought we were on the same page, this was only supposed to be a finite number of days we would be traveling together. I was never going to pursue anything beyond what had already happened. I did enjoy her company but now I felt kind of bad like I did something wrong to indicate that I had wanted something more and that scared her away? I felt a bit shitty but I guess this comes with the territory. I didn’t expect or want a relationship, so I was left a bit confused. I think it just felt bad for being ghosted suddenly in real life and not knowing the reasoning behind it. This part is driving me nuts, she seemed like she was enjoying every moment of it in the moment, but suddenly vanished. It makes me question which action(s) happened that made her change her mind.
Did I act too affectionate, too much like a boyfriend during this short fling? I don’t think I did, besides the poor joke about her being my “Tokyo Girlfriend”, and maybe buying her a few things. She did just break up with her prior boyfriend so maybe that has something to do with it.
I sent her a short goodbye & safe travels message and explained that I had never intended this fling to mean anything more and it would have ended at the last day of our trip. I had already accepted that I will probably never see her again but I hoped she would at least give me a bit of closure by responding. But that never came. She had restricted me and left my message on read. Never replied again.
Any thoughts or speculation as to why she got cold feet and left? For me flings do not only have to be sexual but can be an emotional experience too. Even so I practiced gentle discretion and never acted too clingy. Hell we mostly traveled on our own during the day and only met up during night time. I don’t know Japanese dating culture very well, I had thought maybe certain actions or behaviors meant something totally different in Japanese dating. Perhaps I was signaling to her that I wanted something more even though I didn’t?
She had also talked to her good friend about me a previous night, and shyly laughed saying she couldn’t tell me about it because it was about me, I guess this was probably what it was about.
… no worries, give yourself a bit of time and if you do want more of a longterm thing look for someone else who feels the same. Not everyone is built for casual hookups)
