Met the parents, and they didn't approve

Life Dating & Relationships
41

[quote=“Old Gobbo”]
Nama, I am sure you didn’t mean what you said to come off all racisty, but sweeping generalizations such as the one you’ve made upthread often are. Let’s check that shit at the door, mkay?[/quote]

Umm how was that all racisty? I was stating what I’ve been told and what I’ve heard. How is observing that in one culture girls tend to put someone else’s wishes before their own? Generalization right, but racisty? NOT. :loco: Uh, we are in Taiwan discussing Taiwanese culture, am I correct?

42

[quote=“Namahottie”][quote=“Old Gobbo”]
Nama, I am sure you didn’t mean what you said to come off all racisty, but sweeping generalizations such as the one you’ve made upthread often are. Let’s check that shit at the door, mkay?[/quote]

Umm how was that all racisty? I was stating what I’ve been told and what I’ve heard. How is observing that in one culture girls tend to put someone else’s wishes before their own? Generalization right, but racisty? NOT. :loco: Uh, we are in Taiwan discussing Taiwanese culture, am I correct?[/quote]

Do I really need to explain this to you? I am sorry you can’t see it for yourself and instead have turned defensive. You, who are so quick to call anyone else out as a racist should be given carte-blanche to offend the local women? I just don’t get it.

You have offended independent taiwanese women by lumping them (all) into a sheepish classification. Please don’t give me your “loco” smiley. Your comment was thoughtless, imo. I am pretty sure some of our regular local gals would take offense to this (DragonBabe, Lupillus, Vanessa, even 914). Gawd forbid Mrs. Sandman or Mrs. Bane ever get ahold of your comment. I know the DNS would be very offended if she weren’t such a sweetheart who always assumes the best in people.

Let’s not get into a shitfight over this. I originally posted my comments in a thoughtful manner hoping you would simply see the light and retract the slip. I am not accusing you of being racist. Not at all. But your post was a tad, shall we say, off colour?

43

[quote=“Old Gobbo”][quote=“Namahottie”][quote=“Old Gobbo”]
Nama, I am sure you didn’t mean what you said to come off all racisty, but sweeping generalizations such as the one you’ve made upthread often are. Let’s check that shit at the door, mkay?[/quote]

Umm how was that all racisty? I was stating what I’ve been told and what I’ve heard. How is observing that in one culture girls tend to put someone else’s wishes before their own? Generalization right, but racisty? NOT. :loco: Uh, we are in Taiwan discussing Taiwanese culture, am I correct?[/quote]

Do I really need to explain this to you? I am sorry you can’t see it for yourself and instead have turned defensive. You, who are so quick to call anyone else out as a racist should be given carte-blanche to offend the local women? I just don’t get it.

You have offended independent Taiwanese women by lumping them (all) into a sheepish classification. Please don’t give me your “loco” smiley. Your comment was thoughtless, imo. I am pretty sure some of our regular local gals would take offense to this (DragonBabe, Lupillus, Vanessa, even 914). Gawd forbid Mrs. Sandman or Mrs. Bane ever get ahold of your comment. I know the DNS would be very offended if she weren’t such a sweetheart who always assumes the best in people.

Let’s not get into a shitfight over this. I originally posted my comments in a thoughtful manner hoping you would simply see the light and retract the slip. I am not accusing you of being racist. Not at all. But your post was a tad, shall we say, off colour?[/quote]

Sorry for being off topic. But don’t post such long lengthing lecturing posts if you don’t want to get into a shitfight. Use a pm. If my post was incorrect, then the independant women who are TWese here, should have corrected me. But IMO women who tend to come from traditional families follow their parents wishes. Those who don’t, well don’t. And no I don’t get carte blanche to say anything about the TW here. If I make a mistake, I do appologize for it. But here I don’t think I did.

As for you posting in a thoughtful manner, you could have just said the comment was off colour. Where was your post in the “Tawanese girls make me horney” thread ?

44

[quote=“Namahottie”]
As for you posting in a thoughtful manner, you could have just said the comment was off colour. Where was your post in the “Tawanese girls make me horney” thread ?[/quote]

That was so obviously a troll. I don’t respond to trolls if I can help it.

you’ll notice I stayed away from all that Wingman stuff too.

Dude, maybe you are right about the PM. I will think twice before challenging someone’s post in the future.

See, we can learn from each other. At least, some of us can.

45

So, whar should OP do?
I think he should hang in there, and after learning some more Chinesem bring some fancy alcohole unique for his home country/region, and try to make friends.
His GF should be made aware of his discomfort, and be the rebellious girl, standing up for her love against her parents.

If it still does not work, cut all contact with the unreasonable parents - maybe there are some sisters, brothers or cousins that can be buffer/middlemen in the happy future.

46

[quote=“X3M”]
If it still does not work, cut all contact with the unreasonable parents - maybe there are some sisters, brothers or cousins that can be buffer/middlemen in the happy future.[/quote]

I don’t think she should have to cut all contact with parents who refuse to see it her way. That’s childish. If her parents don’t want to agree with her,then that’s their prerogative, but to withhold love from them because they don’t, is just a waste of energy and time.

47

The parents are childish, and if they want contact and reconcilliation (sp?). they can get it through the “middlemen” I suggested.

48

I think you should put in a bit of effort if you are serious about this girl, i.e. learn some more Chinese…I doubt any Taiwanese parent will look upon their daughters dating a white guy as something positive…but the key is to show them you are committed and are dependable enough for them to entrust their daughter to you…I suggest you take the progressive approach as opposed to “eloping” and some of the other WHAM BAM suggestions in terms of solving your problem…furthermore, to simply paste the stereotype of being alcoholics and psychotic freaks on people you have only met for maybe an hour or two over dinner isn’t exactly productive…especially if there is the possibility that they may be your future father/mother-in-law…I don’t know the situation personally, so maybe all you say is true…but are they really as demented as you say? I think the typical Taiwanese parents’ reaction if a daughter came back pregnant would be to yell at her and whack her…sorry to say it, but that is pretty normal in these parts…to tell you the truth, it is a pretty basic reaction in other parts of the world too (even US/Canada)…I obviously would vote for the “Brady Bunch” solution to dealing with a pregnant daughter, but in reality, that is how most parents react…furthermore, with a daughter that has already gotten pregnant, I think they would obviously be more protective of their second daughter (who just brought home a white guy who may potentially just be “playing” around with their daughter and not taking her seriously)…

49

Did the OP say that the parents were psychotic and demented, I don’t remember. I do recall he did say the mother was an alcoholic.

The anecdote about hitting the pregnant daughter in the stomach may have been a misguided attempt at abortion rather than as punishment, maybe both?

At any rate, physically abusing a pregnant woman in that way is enough for me to label them as psychotic and demented. And I disagree with the poster above about this being a rather common reaction. In the part of the world I come from this is certainly NOT a common way to deal with an out of wedlock pregnancy.

OP, I know you love the girl - just know that with parents and family as you’ve described, the girl is gonna have some emotional baggage - add to that the cultural differences - if you can deal - then love on lover. Otherwise, I’d seriously consider looking around. Lots of other fish and all that. . . .

Bodo

50

We know all about the OP’s feelings and thoughts, and about the parents. I feel for you mate! Good luck.

Now, I was just wondering. What says your girl? How does she feel? What does she want to do?

51

In general it seems if you marry the girl, then you’re marrying the family. This seems doubly true for Taiwan. There is no escaping from the in-laws :runaway: .Your love for the girl should take priority - but make sure you go in with your eyes open as to what you are getting into. It will never go away.

At the same time, many Taiwanese families have issues at the start with foreigners. I once had a dead-beat, alcoholic distant cousin tell me that he was “concerned” about what I might do the the family reputation. This is just before he passed out in the alley. :laughing: Often times the initial resistance softens over time once they learn that no, you’re not lazy, your not an alcoholic, you arent’ going to steal thier daughter away and that yes, they will be able to talk to thier grandchildren. I my case my inlaws were resonable - you, it seems, have a higher barrier. Anyway - the first meeting is not always representitive - just sometimes it is. :astonished:

Also, be carefully of buying in to certain family histories - they are often distorted. Did they really punch thier daughter in the stomach for getting pregnant? Are there any pieces to the story missing? There was another cousin who was outcast from the family for some horrible “crime” against the family that actually turned out to be quite a resonable response.

My 0.02. Your mileage may vary

52

got video?

That is funny schtuff. :laughing:

53

[quote]Quote:
I once had a dead-beat, alcoholic distant cousin tell me that he was “concerned” about what I might do the the family reputation. This is just before he passed out in the alley.

got video?

That is funny schtuff. [/quote]

No, I didn’t think of that. But there are ways of getting revenge. Everytime I see him, if there is an appropriate opportunity, I do a shot of whatever hard alcohol is in the house to “gong xi” him and I watch the shakes start.

I think I’ve become a sadist living here. Sorry I know this is :offtopic:

54

jason242,

You live in Nan-Zi–I know that place. I have lived in Tainan for 9 years. You say she might have to go back to her “hometown”. Where is that? If you can tell me exactly I might get an idea of what you’re up against. (I know southern Taiwan VERY well.).

Maybe I can help.

55

You can always kill her parents like that dude did 2 days ago…Shit…was it you?

56

[quote=“Elegua”][quote]Quote:
I once had a dead-beat, alcoholic distant cousin tell me that he was “concerned” about what I might do the the family reputation. This is just before he passed out in the alley.

got video?

That is funny schtuff. [/quote]

No, I didn’t think of that. But there are ways of getting revenge. Everytime I see him, if there is an appropriate opportunity, I do a shot of whatever hard alcohol is in the house to “gong xi” him and I watch the shakes start.

I think I’ve become a sadist living here. Sorry I know this is :offtopic:[/quote]

:roflmao: :roflmao: