Money money money

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Okay, I’m speaking strictly as a foreign woman here, but it sounds to me like she’s showing you her true colours. It seems to me you have two choices:

1.) Let her call the shots re. your money (not recommended, but will no doubt satisfy her).

2.) Tell her that the topic of money is off-limits, for the health of your relationship. (Although if you plan for the relationship to progress to marriage and whatnot, this might be a bad idea. Deal with it now, if that’s the case.)

3.) Figure out exactly what’s bothering her about your spending your money and get to the bottom of the issue. She clearly has some insecurity, and she’s manifesting it this way. IMHO, if she’s doing this as your gf, it will only get worse. My Taiwanese friends (male and female alike) say that Taiwanese women are very controlling when it comes to money. Strictly secondhand info, that.

4.) Compromise on a set of guidelines and goals, managing your money and hers as a solid unit. (This means you will both have input as to how both sets of money are spent.)

I am unsure where you are in this relationship. If it’s serious, the money thing needs to be dealt with. If it’s a simple dating relationship, she has no right to be questioning or interfering with how or why you spend your money. Personally, it would bother me a great deal, and just reading your post set off alarm bells. That being said, my husband had issues with how I spent my money when we were dating as well, so I guess I can’t talk… :blush:

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

My experience seems to be that “The wife stays home and does all the cooking and cleaning and baby-keeping and housework, and the husband brings home the money.” My wife has absolutely no interest in seeking a better paid job, going to university to upskill herself, or find any way to make money on the side.

I try to keep a tight fist on the money and only pay for things that are necessary and/or have a show at turning a profit. She’s stopped asking for money for birthdays and hong baos and making mistakes at work, and I force her to cough up a heap of her wage to pay for the baby sitter. I control most of the money. I invest what I can spare.

But from what I’ve gathered, most men here just hand over their paycheck to their wife and she takes care of stuff. When the men want something, their wife buys it for them.

I’d suggest you have an argument with her. “Want more money? Get a (better) job!” “It’s my money, and I’ll do what I want with it.” “Do you have some investments in mind? I’m all ears.” Clear the air, and sort out where you stand and where she stands, and how you both think about things. Then you can start looking at solutions. I’d say there are some deep cultural as well as personal issues here, so I’d try to bring it into the open and discuss things.

I’m not saying that’s the right thing to do, or wise, just what I’d do.

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[quote=“Shearersheed”]how come girls from Taiwan seem more concerned about money, and how much money you have or in some cases have not, than girls from the uk. my girlfriend has just threatened to break up with me because apparently we don’t share the same idea of money I don’t get what I am doing wrong.

this all started when I went on a lads holiday to Amsterdam and spent a small fortune. now the problem seems to be escalating all the time money is mentioned how can this be fixed, can anyone offer me any help as I love this girl so much and don’t want to lose her at all.[/quote]

You shoulda thugt of dat before you spint a smal foh tune on a lads trip to Amsterdam where de only piple loosing all dez $$$$ is on hoes and drugs.

So, does she know more about money than you do? Can you talk to her about the price of gold, forex trading, house prices, and stock markets?

And how much money does she have anyway? How much has she saved? What’s she doing with it, is that smart? How does she feel about pre-nups? If she’s getting into the personal questions, you’ve got every right to ask them back.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti-her. Maybe she would be better at looking after your money than you are. If I were you, I’d find out before deciding…

[quote=“Shearersheed”][color=#0000FF]She mentioned a while ago about having all my money in her bank account[/color],

She told me this is what all Taiwanese girls do with there husbands.

I now think she gets the impression I am really bad at controlling money.[/quote]

:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:

Bullfaeces. I have never once handed all my money over to my ( not even ) wife just because she says all Taiwan Husbands do that. You aint even married yet… oh deary me. What a crock of shit that is and if you believe that all the money goes to the wife… then you my son need some serious lessons in life.

This is just a pure power play. You gonna be tied up by the short and curlies so hard you’ll never even be able to get it up again. Your misery is just beginning. First it will be money, then she will tell you who your friends can be, then when and where you can go out, and when to be at home and when to viist the in laws. Man you in for rude shocking life if you don’t get a hold of yourself right now.

Love is blind… and you but all been blinded and you not got near married. ou best think about what Love is and what servitude to love is. You aint in love you in a pickle.

You better learn first that a man in Taiwan controls his wife not the other way around… it’s Chinese Culture… 5000 years of it.

IF YOU DO NOT LEARN YOUR NEW FORUMOSA NAME WILL THE RANTHEMAN… LOOK HIM UP

[quote=“Satellite TV”][quote=“Shearersheed”][color=#0000FF]She mentioned a while ago about having all my money in her bank account[/color],

She told me this is what all Taiwanese girls do with there husbands.

I now think she gets the impression I am really bad at controlling money.[/quote]

:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:

Bullfaeces. I have never once handed all my money over to my ( not even ) wife just because she says all Taiwan Husbands do that. You aint even married yet… oh deary me. What a crock of shit that is and if you believe that all the money goes to the wife… then you my son need some serious lessons in life.

This is just a pure power play. You gonna be tied up by the short and curlies so hard you’ll never even be able to get it up again. Your misery is just beginning. First it will be money, then she will tell you who your friends can be, then when and where you can go out, and when to be at home and when to viist the in laws. Man you in for rude shocking life if you don’t get a hold of yourself right now.

Love is blind… and you but all been blinded and you not got near married. ou best think about what Love is and what servitude to love is. You aint in love you in a pickle.

You better learn first that a man in Taiwan controls his wife not the other way around… it’s Chinese Culture… 5000 years of it.

IF YOU DO NOT LEARN YOUR NEW FORUMOSA NAME WILL THE RANTHEMAN… LOOK HIM UP[/quote]

I didn’t agree to her putting all my money into her account, and to be honest I thought the same about the idea as you just clearly thought. I don’t mind having a shared bank account after we have been together for like 40 years or whatever but not just handing her my money because she thinks I am shit at controlling it.

and I will look him up. ha

[quote=“nemesis”]Okay, I’m speaking strictly as a foreign woman here, but it sounds to me like she’s showing you her true colours. It seems to me you have two choices:

1.) Let her call the shots re. your money (not recommended, but will no doubt satisfy her).

2.) Tell her that the topic of money is off-limits, for the health of your relationship. (Although if you plan for the relationship to progress to marriage and whatnot, this might be a bad idea. Deal with it now, if that’s the case.)

3.) Figure out exactly what’s bothering her about your spending your money and get to the bottom of the issue. She clearly has some insecurity, and she’s manifesting it this way. IMHO, if she’s doing this as your gf, it will only get worse. My Taiwanese friends (male and female alike) say that Taiwanese women are very controlling when it comes to money. Strictly secondhand info, that.

4.) Compromise on a set of guidelines and goals, managing your money and hers as a solid unit. (This means you will both have input as to how both sets of money are spent.)

I am unsure where you are in this relationship. If it’s serious, the money thing needs to be dealt with. If it’s a simple dating relationship, she has no right to be questioning or interfering with how or why you spend your money. Personally, it would bother me a great deal, and just reading your post set off alarm bells. That being said, my husband had issues with how I spent my money when we were dating as well, so I guess I can’t talk… :blush:

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.[/quote]

I think a part of what you say in point number 3 is correct, she is worried that I wont have any money to go there and get an apartment things like. It is the way she tries to tell me I really do think she is worried that I will be under a lot of stress when I go there and all that kind of thing.

I honestly don’t think you need us to tell you what to do, and not to do, with your money. Hand it over, all of it; hand over a percentage; have a shared bank account in which each party pays a percentage of their salary; or R U N. Up to you. Common sense will prevail, I hope. :thumbsup:

Does she know how to manage money? Has she lived alone, paid rent and bills, worked and saved? Has she lent huge sums to friends and relatives who never paid it back, been scammed, made bad investments in fashionable things she saw on TV? Or has she lived cheap and put away a huge chunk of her salary for a downpayment on a house, or bought sensible stocks and watched them grow?

If she’s trustworthy and good at it, having her manage the money might be a boon. But if she can’t manage her own money (or doesn’t have any), you sure shouldn’t let her play with yours. I’ve seen it go both ways.

If you have vastly different attitudes towards money, and can’t agree on how to manage it, then this is a serious problem. Before committing to each other, you have to ask whether you want the same things, or compatible things.

There are many possible arrangements which might work, provided everything that needs to get done (e.g. bills paid) gets done. I’m one of those people who turns most of his salary over to the Mrs.!

from what I see she is very good at dealing with money. I am just ok, screaming jesus what do you do if you want anything though and you have given most your salary to the missus?

100% single so no firsthand advice.

Whatever you do, make sure you have your own little nestegg that only you know about. The future is uncertain.

Personal opinion: If there are two earners, there are two decision makers. If one earner, the other should support his/her decisions.
EDIT … within reason. In the latter case, the other should not support wasting money on lewd acts. :no-no:

The point here is that you took a weekend with your buddies and spent a lot of cash frivolously on yourself. If you had taken her for a weekend in the Canary Islands or Majorca or something and spents a ton of cash frivolously, you’d probably be getting breakfast in bed every morning. :wink:

Taiwan is an insecure country and the rule in Taiwan is that you are supposed to have money in the bank before you get married (not I did nor lots of people do anyway), 1million NTD is a figure often bandied about. Actually this is common across Asia. The money in the bank is supposed to be for the downpayment on a house etc. This is the way the society is set up. There are expectations from the family and peer group who will ask these questions of your gf/wife if you are going to get married. Having some savings before you get married is a good idea though!
I think she just wants to help you manage your money better , if you are getting married promise to setup a shared account and put a % in that. The money some foreigners earn is huge compared to locals, she may see you blowing what to her was 6 months savings on a holiday that didn’t even include her! Meanwhile get saving some cash if you want to get married, you’ll need it! She hasn’t mentioned wanting a dowry yet, some of the families/wives want this…there can be a lot more demands than simply opening a shared account. This is not simply greed but a cutural expectation on behalf of the groom.
A lot of Westerners criticise Taiwanese for this mentality but really it’s a wise one in an uncertain world and people here are nothing if not practical.

[quote=“Shearersheed”][quote=“nemesis”]Okay, I’m speaking strictly as a foreign woman here, but it sounds to me like she’s showing you her true colours. It seems to me you have four choices:

1.) Let her call the shots re. your money (not recommended, but will no doubt satisfy her).

2.) Tell her that the topic of money is off-limits, for the health of your relationship. (Although if you plan for the relationship to progress to marriage and whatnot, this might be a bad idea. Deal with it now, if that’s the case.)

3.) Figure out exactly what’s bothering her about your spending your money and get to the bottom of the issue. She clearly has some insecurity, and she’s manifesting it this way. IMHO, if she’s doing this as your gf, it will only get worse. My Taiwanese friends (male and female alike) say that Taiwanese women are very controlling when it comes to money. Strictly secondhand info, that.

4.) Compromise on a set of guidelines and goals, managing your money and hers as a solid unit. (This means you will both have input as to how both sets of money are spent.)

I am unsure where you are in this relationship. If it’s serious, the money thing needs to be dealt with. If it’s a simple dating relationship, she has no right to be questioning or interfering with how or why you spend your money. Personally, it would bother me a great deal, and just reading your post set off alarm bells. That being said, my husband had issues with how I spent my money when we were dating as well, so I guess I can’t talk… :blush:

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.[/quote]

I think a part of what you say in point number 3 is correct, she is worried that I wont have any money to go there and get an apartment things like. It is the way she tries to tell me I really do think she is worried that I will be under a lot of stress when I go there and all that kind of thing.[/quote]

EGAD!!! I’m dumb. I hit the quote button on the above post rather than the edit button on my original. Edit: two-four.

[quote=“headhonchoII”]Taiwan is an insecure country and the rule in Taiwan is that you are supposed to have money in the bank before you get married (not I did nor lots of people do anyway), 1million NTD is a figure often bandied about. Actually this is common across Asia. The money in the bank is supposed to be for the downpayment on a house etc. This is the way the society is set up. There are expectations from the family and peer group who will ask these questions of your gf/wife if you are going to get married. Having some savings before you get married is a good idea though!
I think she just wants to help you manage your money better , if you are getting married promise to setup a shared account and put a % in that. The money some foreigners earn is huge compared to locals, she may see you blowing what to her was 6 months savings on a holiday that didn’t even include her! Meanwhile get saving some cash if you want to get married, you’ll need it! She hasn’t mentioned wanting a dowry yet, some of the families/wives want this…there can be a lot more demands than simply opening a shared account. This is not simply greed but a cutural expectation on behalf of the groom.
A lot of Westerners criticise Taiwanese for this mentality but really it’s a wise one in an uncertain world and people here are nothing if not practical.[/quote]

She mentioned something about the fact that I might have to pay her mom some money before we get married is this the dowry thing you mentioned?

Well, I give her most of it (which she blows on frivolous things like savings and the mortgage), but do keep back enough for my own probable needs / wants. If I ever needed more, I’d just ask her. It helps that we are basically on the same page about saving and spending–anyway, we discuss the major stuff from time to time. (Recently she asked my permission to donate money to a typhoon charity, which I thought was touching.)

Questions to ask yourself: Do you trust your girlfriend implicitly? Are you comfortable giving her this kind of control? (She seems not to trust you to have this control–why?) Are you basically on the same page regarding spending and saving? (Economists tell us that Chinese people tend to emphasize saving more than Westerners.)

I think she is wrong in saying that “all,” or even most, couples here following this arrangement. (I always associated the tradition with Japan.) Anyway, “the Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.” And you’re not married yet.

Technically this would be a bride-price, but close enough. It’s negotiable, and varies a lot in practice. If you’re going to trust your intended with your life, happiness, honor, and the welfare of any future offspring, then allowing her to name her own bride-price seems like a small thing by comparison…

Take all her money. Leave. Go to Amsterdam. Live in bliss.

Out of curiosity: how much did you spend in the dam and over how long a period? I am a big smoker and find it hard to get through too much bob hope over there due to it’s stickyness and puke-ability factor. And you can only really eat 5 big mac meals a day…