Some Taiwanese girls want to control their bf’s money for safe confidence. I think it is very strange, even being a wife it is hard to control anything.
Suggestions: to devide revenue to 3 parts, 1/3 for common saving, 1/3 for common expenses, 1/3 for yourself.
My else sister in law wanted to control my brother’s money when she was his gf, but they divorced few years ago. I think she is a sick and crazy woman. If she loves money, she would earn by herself, maybe it is easy to “ask”. Some stupid women think to control men is to control their money.
Maybe you need to pay for your love…
This is a very personal and very emotive subject.
Many marital problems in Western society stem from disagreements about money, add to this the cultural difficulties of language and different financial customs and you can get into a mine field.
I realised early on that this was primarily a matter of security. Our house is in joint names and we have a joint bank account and credit card. My wife does not work, but I do so effectively all the money in the joint account and paying the mortgage is mine. When things were better than currently I gave her an allowance so that she had her own money but that is not possible right now.
We both have our own savings accounts and property as well as the joint ones and this has proved not to be an issue. The only real fight we had was when I blew a lot of money in Macau one weekend - enough to buy a couple of nice handbags - I’m man enough to admit this was foolish. 
Top 6 of trouble in marriages:
- About money …
- About the inlaws …
- About the kids … if any …
- About the house …
- About to buy a new car or not …
- About the holiday …
What I want to say … get used to it … 
[quote=“Belgian Pie”]Top 6 of trouble in marriages:
- About money …
- About the inlaws …
- About the kids … if any …
- About the house …
- About to buy a new car or not …
- About the holiday …
What I want to say … get used to it … [/quote]
I must be lucky so far
The only trouble i have hearing wife say come heat the bed, i am cold. 
[quote=“nazmikarakoc”]
I must be lucky so far
The only trouble I have hearing wife say come heat the bed, I am cold. 
[/quote]
Seriously! I slept at the boyfriend’s house once when we were having a fight and woke up freezing! Never realised how cold the damn room was until I lost my heater 
Probablely that is the family education casuing this situation. When we were younng, our parents always told us that the most security thing is to have a lot money. So all the things we try hard to achieve is to earn money no matter in what methods-earning or asking. But that is not corret. Money is important but not so imoportant. So try to educaton your gf. Good Luck!
the ultimate dream for a taiwanese girl is .
be a rich man’s wife. so they can buy whatever they want, that’s all.
That’s my dream too. Getting up every day to do this shit every day.
If only I were young, pretty, and interested in being nice to men …
Payin’s cheaper.
Isn´t that the american dream?
Isn´t that the American dream?[/quote]
No
There are a few good reasons why women hereabouts like to ‘control’ the finances. Some have already been touched on, others maybe not, or perhaps not in sufficient detail. The usual motives are financial security, followed closely by the security or comfort that husband or b/f is not behaving unreasonably. Control of the $ provides a daily check on his loyalty or otherwise. There is also the ingrained ‘save money’ principle which is applied strictly to frivolous and inconspicuous consumption which man is always guilty of. The sharing of financial responsibility and decision making is a useful buttress to a balanced relationship.
All the above is just the bread and butter stuff. The next layer is the demands that are put on men and women alike by the myriad of family and other relationships in Chinese society, and involve money, sometimes lots of it. This can be felt more keenly by women, especially if they are not earning. The goods and services that one can be asked to pay for is almost limitless and ranges from small presents or ang bao, to sponsoring overseas study or propping up businesses. Many women like to have their own money so that they can decide how and when to give without reference to their husband. This too is fine if she has her own income, but problems arise when these, often face-enhancing, gifts come out of the accumulated house-keeping, under-declared earnings, or sometimes the re-mortgaging of property. It might not have escaped your notice that sizeable gifts or soft loans to relatives can be used to ‘punish’ the husband for “inattention” or a suspected roving eye.
Some time ago, when paying my staff, over 40 of them, I was approached by just about everyone, men and women, for split salary payments to different accounts, to fund their secret slush funds. They all swore me to secrecy of course, and those uncertain of the chances of success of their ‘arrangements’ would consult me about how to divvy up the money and what calls there would be on it. I hasten to add that this did not take place in Taiwan, but the culture is not dissimilar. The end of the tax year was a particularly stressful time.
As one Chinese drinking friend told me, “what’s yours is hers and what’s hers is hers, so enjoy and work harder next day”. Or something like that. So enjoy your trips to Amsterdam and elsewhere while you can.
Sorry this is a bit long, but I have had time over the last few months to reflect on all this following the outrageous ‘fine’ imposed on me for inattention and “looking at miniskirts”.
Man, that’s what I call pussy-whipped!
[quote=“economy ah”]There are a few good reasons why women hereabouts like to ‘control’ the finances. Some have already been touched on, others maybe not, or perhaps not in sufficient detail. The usual motives are financial security, followed closely by the security or comfort that husband or b/f is not behaving unreasonably. Control of the $ provides a daily check on his loyalty or otherwise. There is also the ingrained ‘save money’ principle which is applied strictly to frivolous and inconspicuous consumption which man is always guilty of. The sharing of financial responsibility and decision making is a useful buttress to a balanced relationship.
All the above is just the bread and butter stuff. The next layer is the demands that are put on men and women alike by the myriad of family and other relationships in Chinese society, and involve money, sometimes lots of it. This can be felt more keenly by women, especially if they are not earning. The goods and services that one can be asked to pay for is almost limitless and ranges from small presents or ang bao, to sponsoring overseas study or propping up businesses. Many women like to have their own money so that they can decide how and when to give without reference to their husband. This too is fine if she has her own income, but problems arise when these, often face-enhancing, gifts come out of the accumulated house-keeping, under-declared earnings, or sometimes the re-mortgaging of property. It might not have escaped your notice that sizeable gifts or soft loans to relatives can be used to ‘punish’ the husband for “inattention” or a suspected roving eye.
Some time ago, when paying my staff, over 40 of them, I was approached by just about everyone, men and women, for split salary payments to different accounts, to fund their secret slush funds. They all swore me to secrecy of course, and those uncertain of the chances of success of their ‘arrangements’ would consult me about how to divvy up the money and what calls there would be on it. I hasten to add that this did not take place in Taiwan, but the culture is not dissimilar. The end of the tax year was a particularly stressful time.
As one Chinese drinking friend told me, “what’s yours is hers and what’s hers is hers, so enjoy and work harder next day”. Or something like that. So enjoy your trips to Amsterdam and elsewhere while you can.
Sorry this is a bit long, but I have had time over the last few months to reflect on all this following the outrageous ‘fine’ imposed on me for inattention and “looking at miniskirts”.[/quote]
Far out. All I can say is that I am incredibly lucky to have married a woman who is nothing like this. Yes, citizen k is right on the money. Pussy-whipped is only the tip of the iceberg.
Firstly, the bit I bolded in the first paragraph may have been sarcastic, in which case disregard the next sentence. If it’s not, then it’s incredibly sexist. Also, the sentence that follows it seems to be part of the root of the problem, as evident in the remainder of the post. The idea that a “balanced” relationship is formed by such levels of mistrust and a desire for control bodering on the paranoid and the obsessive, followed up with punitive actions speaks volumes about how completely off-kilter the whole relationship is. Again, the idea that women can, or should, have their own money so they can make decisions without the input of their husbands, but that men cannot have the same is hugely problematic and hardly suggests shared financial responsibility. Again, it seems like a classic case of “What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is ours”.
One more time, a fine for inattention and looking at miniskirts? Holy fuck! No really, are you fucking serious?! Sweet baby Jesus! Fuck! I feel like I’m on a bad acid trip. Who thinks this shit up?
That is really harsh. Glad I am single.
Just read through all this thread, and it makes good reading about the culture of money there.
Anyway, me and my girl are totally fine now.
I got to the root cause of the issue with the money, she was worried that when I come to Taiwan, I will not have enough money to support myself until I get a job. I was meant to know this and this was the reason why it took so long for her to tell me, because I was supposed to know. Bloody cat and mouse man and women supposed to know what I think games!
Anyway, my girlfriend works a lot, and works bloody hard, saves her money. She even saved to come and see me for 5 weeks over her winter vacation.
So when she came here I took her away, we went to Stockholm, and Madrid, and Barcelona, and different places in the UK, London, Bristol, Bath, York, the Lake District etc etc.
It is coming up to our 2 year anniversary soon and for that I bought her a camera she has wanted for ages, i’m kind of jealous because I have a similar one, but I bought her a newer model than mine and it looks bloody good. Anyway she didn’t ask for it I told her she was getting it ha!
I am totally happy with my relationship and I can’t wait to move to Taiwan in September this year.
She still thinks I am bad with money, but fuck it, I don’t mind saving I just want to keep some for myself, this is not much to ask really, but her reasons for worrying a lot were valid reasons about me not being able to initially support myself when I arrive.
Anyway all sorry about the delayed update, I have not been here much recently the missus was here for 5 weeks, and then I have been snowed under with uni work, and 2 jobs !
Sorry for the big reply too.
[quote=“GuyInTaiwan”][quote=“economy ah”]There are a few good reasons why women hereabouts like to ‘control’ the finances. Some have already been touched on, others maybe not, or perhaps not in sufficient detail. The usual motives are financial security, followed closely by the security or comfort that husband or b/f is not behaving unreasonably. Control of the $ provides a daily check on his loyalty or otherwise. There is also the ingrained ‘save money’ principle which is applied strictly to frivolous and inconspicuous consumption which man is always guilty of. The sharing of financial responsibility and decision making is a useful buttress to a balanced relationship.
All the above is just the bread and butter stuff. The next layer is the demands that are put on men and women alike by the myriad of family and other relationships in Chinese society, and involve money, sometimes lots of it. This can be felt more keenly by women, especially if they are not earning. The goods and services that one can be asked to pay for is almost limitless and ranges from small presents or ang bao, to sponsoring overseas study or propping up businesses. Many women like to have their own money so that they can decide how and when to give without reference to their husband. This too is fine if she has her own income, but problems arise when these, often face-enhancing, gifts come out of the accumulated house-keeping, under-declared earnings, or sometimes the re-mortgaging of property. It might not have escaped your notice that sizeable gifts or soft loans to relatives can be used to ‘punish’ the husband for “inattention” or a suspected roving eye.
Some time ago, when paying my staff, over 40 of them, I was approached by just about everyone, men and women, for split salary payments to different accounts, to fund their secret slush funds. They all swore me to secrecy of course, and those uncertain of the chances of success of their ‘arrangements’ would consult me about how to divvy up the money and what calls there would be on it. I hasten to add that this did not take place in Taiwan, but the culture is not dissimilar. The end of the tax year was a particularly stressful time.
As one Chinese drinking friend told me, “what’s yours is hers and what’s hers is hers, so enjoy and work harder next day”. Or something like that. So enjoy your trips to Amsterdam and elsewhere while you can.
Sorry this is a bit long, but I have had time over the last few months to reflect on all this following the outrageous ‘fine’ imposed on me for inattention and “looking at miniskirts”.[/quote]
Far out. All I can say is that I am incredibly lucky to have married a woman who is nothing like this. Yes, citizen k is right on the money. Pussy-whipped is only the tip of the iceberg.
Firstly, the bit I bolded in the first paragraph may have been sarcastic, in which case disregard the next sentence. If it’s not, then it’s incredibly sexist. Also, the sentence that follows it seems to be part of the root of the problem, as evident in the remainder of the post. The idea that a “balanced” relationship is formed by such levels of mistrust and a desire for control bodering on the paranoid and the obsessive, followed up with punitive actions speaks volumes about how completely off-kilter the whole relationship is. Again, the idea that women can, or should, have their own money so they can make decisions without the input of their husbands, but that men cannot have the same is hugely problematic and hardly suggests shared financial responsibility. Again, it seems like a classic case of “What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is ours”.
One more time, a fine for inattention and looking at miniskirts? Holy fuck! No really, are you fucking serious?! Sweet baby Jesus! Fuck! I feel like I’m on a bad acid trip. Who thinks this shit up?[/quote]
I hope your getting a lot of action, because that does sound very shit indeed!
[quote=“Shearersheed”]Anyway, me and my girl are totally fine now.
I got to the root cause of the issue with the money, she was worried that when I come to Taiwan, I will not have enough money to support myself until I get a job. I was meant to know this and this was the reason why it took so long for her to tell me, because I was supposed to know. Bloody cat and mouse man and women supposed to know what I think games!
[/quote]
Haha, I feel your pain with the mind reading games. :s
Glad things are working out for you! 
[quote]G n T wrote: One more time, a fine for inattention and looking at miniskirts? Holy fuck! No really, are you fucking serious?! Sweet baby Jesus! Fuck! I feel like I’m on a bad acid trip. Who thinks this shit up?
[/quote]
Sorry if I perturbed your or anyone else’s sense of justice and fair play or whatever, but yes, I was serious, and I quite like it. I got a lot more special attention after that little episode; and there have been others since I last posted on this topic. It shows that she cares. I suppose one’s view on all this is influenced by the type and length of social exposure. Mine is quite lengthy (if you will pardon the expression) and varied, so I am not at all fazed by it now, although there was a time…
But, Shearersheed, to return to $$ question, many Chinese people think about it quite differently, especially women; they even ‘count’ differently and value things differently, improbable as it may seem. I hope that I can convince you to trust me on that one - some years ago I worked with 2 qualified Chinese accountants, in the same room, for 4 years (anyone know what a crebit is?); and my business partner is Taiwan ren. My point is that it is not a bad idea to try to understand what your nearest and dearest is going on about. The guessing game business to which you refer is just because she has regard for your ‘face’. Tell her that she should not worry about that sort of thing with you, and that you value her advice and you would be happy for her to speak out.
Shearersheed, you obviously know how to show a lady a good time. I hope that everything goes well for you in September, which I must say seems a long way off. If you have not already done so, I recommend that you equip yourself with a copy of ‘The Last Empress Madame Chiang Kai Shek And The Birth of Modern China’ by Hannah Pakula, to get the full experience out of your move. I hope that this helps. Good Luck.
Run.