My bf and I met on a dating app, and we’ve been together for over a year now.
A while ago, I accidentally saw him downloading other dating apps on his phone, and I didn’t ask him anything about it.
Recently, I found that he would deliberately avoid me when he used line to send messages, and he replied like an article…at a time. I could feel that it was different.
One day I saw his smartwatch showed a girl’s name who sent a message to him, but I pretended not to see it! He sort of hide it.
The next week, I told him that I had become insecure because of this thing, I also told him that I saw he was sending messages to others and trying to avoid me. He was a little bit angry and said that he only talking to me and talking about everything to me. (I don’t know how to refute it, because I feel that he would only get angrier and angrier)
I don’t know why I become like that, I think it’s because I love him too much? I like him a lot, so I don’t know what can I do now, because he keeps hiding when he uses line, And if he uses other apps, he just show me like usual, I feel depressed when he does that and think I didn’t know everything, show me he pretends very well, he hides very well.
You shouldn’t feel like that about someone you are in a relationship with, suggests he’s not the right one for you especially if it’s making you feel insecure.
Doesn’t sound worth saving if he’s on the hunt again, sounds like he’s using you a bit too in the meantime.
I am thinking about advice that we can give you that you will actually be able to use and move on. Honestly, the relationship is already over.
But, here is my concrete advice, at the next opportunity, ask him to give you his phone unlocked, without any chance to do a cleanup or delete anything. Then click around his phone, look at all his apps, and open all the dating apps. Read all the messages. If he refuses tell him that is the end of the relationship immediately. He will probably get angry and refuse it and blame you for being so controlling and paranoid. He will turn it around on you. He will not give you his phone, because he cannot risk you reading the things he wrote.
This is terrible advice. I’ve never cheated on anyone. But I certainly wouldn’t tolerate that level of an invasion of privacy. There are other things that aren’t cheating that I wouldn’t want others to see.
Forget the advice about getting him to give you his phone, if my gf did that to me it would show a complete lack of trust from her and it would be bye bye.
On the other hand if you don’t trust him/ think he is considering his options then just walk away anyway. No need to anything else he is not ‘the one’ for you.
My previous gf tends to ask to see my phone to look at some photos or checkout what apps I’m using, and next thing I know she’s scanning through line and looking at all my messages. Now I’m not saying you should do that, but it’s one way to check. It bugs me now that I think about it, but at the time I didn’t really care.
The matter must be resolved. I started by saying the relationship is already over.
The OP does not seem ready to move on. I would wager that my advice is more acceptable than the advice for her to move on. My advice is better than what she will likely do, which is to let it go on for too long.
Isn’t downloading dating apps while in a serious relationship a huge RED flag?
I’m sorry to say, but this seems like you’re looking for serious commitment, whereas he’s trying to keep his options open. Doesn’t sound healthy long term…
Does he spend enough time with you and does he still do nice things for you such as treat you out for food or take you shopping? If he does and he still makes you happy, then you should forget about the insecurities since lack of trust can destroy a relationship.
Do you live together? If not, give yourselves some space for about a week. If it doesn’t seem to bother him that he hasn’t seen you or talked to you in a week, it’s time to think about ending your relationship with him.
Do you live together? If no then it’s already over.
If yes does he go out nightclubbing and not come home? And when he comes home he makes up some excuse like being too drunk and he stayed at a friends place.
Does he go out during the week and not come home until late? If yes this one is also pretty simple to tell if he’s cheating. If he got lucky with whoever he was having the date with he won’t want sex with you. If he didn’t then he will want sex with you.
How old are you? I’m guessing coming up to 30. How old is he? How long has he been in Taiwan? What are his long term goals? If you don’t know that last one then the relationship never even started.
If you are living together how often do you pay his costs? And does he have any subsequent savings? If he’s working and not paying his share and isn’t saving any money he’s cheating. Either with someone else or with a bottle of alcohol.
If you don’t live together and he’s disappearing and getting angry when asked where and why then you’re not in a relationship. More like friends with benefits.
