[quote=“sandman”][quote=“Jaboney”]Better question is “what will she do?”
Talk to her, work that out.[/quote]
Bearing in mind that whatever she says right now in Osaka, there’s a 99 percent chance that once she gets back here and closer to the parents’ scope of influence, she WILL become a completely different person to the one you know right now. Seen and read about exactly this scenario many, many, many times, usually written by devastated foreign men who simple could not figure out what happened to the girl they met overseas.
I would think very VERY carefully about moving here if the reason for moving is this girl. Your plan has disaster written all over it.[/quote]
sandman has a good point here, unless you are planning to come to taiwan for other things, then stay where you are. see how things go once she is settled here for a bit.
if you insist in coming here, then let your gf shack up with her parents for a while, you could have a place in the same city(other side of town) and then you two could still see each other. traditional parents don’t like to be surprised. they don’t like you intially, too much of a shock…after a while, if things are still cool between the two of you then move in together. being divorced(my parents are) doesn’t sit well in this culture either…
remember, who paid her tab living in pricey japan???not you.
take it slow, roll with the punches and good luck.
I am coming to Taiwan to learn Chinese, as it is a huge plus in Europe to find a good job, even if I cannot speak it fluently, it’s still a good thing.
Yeah I know about being divorced, but that about the same everywhere in the world.
[quote=“djstout”]I am coming to Taiwan to learn Chinese, as it is a huge plus in Europe to find a good job, even if I cannot speak it fluently, it’s still a good thing.
Yeah I know about being divorced, but that about the same everywhere in the world.[/quote]
Question: Why do your prospective inlaws know about your divorced status? Surely you didn’t need to tell them this?
Huh? I haven’t heard that one before. I heard that you’d better be BLOODY fluent if you want to land a decent job using the language. And of course, being out of the job market for so long is going to be a HUGE disadvantage.
Plus, the jobs will be China-centric, not Taiwan, so your weird Taiwanese accent will be another disadvantage.
We don’t know how big a change it will be, but we do know he’s a foreigner, so perhaps his roots in Japan don’t go very deep.
And it isn’t half way around the world, its 5.1% of the way around the world. I worked it out. (using the equatorial circumference, arguably a slight over-estimate).
Seven years is a long time…Your sister and her fiancee are very patient. What is the reason for your parent’s disapproval?[/quote]
My sister was straight out of high school.
Parents didn’t know about the boyfriend… until one day he and my sister had a HUGE fight and at 11.30PM, came and sat on our doorbell demanding to talk to my sister
*he was wearing a singlet tank and shorts… he has tattoos all up and down his arms (apparently they’re religious pix of the virgin mary and other religious symbols… hmm)
*he had a duffel bag full of my sisters clothes that she left at his place when my parents thought she was at gf’s sleepovers
*he wouldn’t leave without seeing my sister and my sister didn’t want to see him, so they had a screaming match in our quiet prestigious neighbourhood :no-no:
He didn’t go to uni, he’s in the defence (air-force)
So yeah, as they say… first impressions LAAAAAASSSSSSTTTTT
My parents still don’t really like him, but at least they’re not “disapproving” now… hehe… that happened at the 5 year stage, not 7 years.
If you come to Taiwan, do not live in her parents’ house.
It’s a bit against their culture here and will complicate things even more. Learn all the customs here and go by that.
Keep the family on a safe distance. If you and your girlfriend have some argument and you probably will, it will be best when the family does not get involved in any way.
Big relationship fights, that normally can be solved, will then most likely end in separation.
If a Taiwanese husband has problems with his wife, the family will most likely tell their daughter to solve the problem.
If the husband is a foreigner, the family’s first response is “you can always come back home” and they’ll make it very comfortable for her.
I am married here, and my wife’s family likes me.
So I wish you good luck!
[quote=“djstout”]I am coming to Taiwan to learn Chinese, as it is a huge plus in Europe to find a good job, even if I cannot speak it fluently, it’s still a good thing.
Yeah I know about being divorced, but that about the same everywhere in the world.[/quote]
Didn’t help me much, but of course I was 21, and you can’t possibly be able to speak Chinese and Japanese at 21. Of course @.@;;;;;;;
Maybe it’s more useful when you have a degree, 'cause then people will believe you.
I met my (Taiwanese) wife 5 years ago in the states. My wife said she wouldn’t date anybody who couldn’t speak chinese, and her parents were strongly strongly against me for at least 3 years.
Now we live in Taiwan in her parents house…
You have to prove your case.
[quote=“djstout”]Hello,
I am living in Japan now and met my gf (taiwanese) 8 months ago, we started living together and really love each other, in two months I am moving to Taiwan (Kaohsiung) as she will finish her Japanese studies her in Osaka. The problem is that her parents are strongly against me, I am 30 years old and divorced, which I kind of understand their feelings, but they judged me before even meeting me. How can I do? I have no children from my previous marriage.[/quote]
The good new is that she will start working 2 days after we arrive in Kaohsiung, so there will be less pressure from her parents as she got a good job, but on the other end, I wont see her often as she will be very busy . Now we are thinking about telling her parents that I am coming, but we wonder when is the best time to do so.
Are you going to be living with them? If not, I’d say don’t tell them. Unless you love drama, until your engagement is imminent, there is little point to mentioning your relationship-- or your plans-- to them.
They will guess, most likely. On the other hand, they will also likely play dumb until you are introduced, if that stage is reached. Meeting parents here doesn’t mean you’re going steady. It means you’re getting married. If you’re not getting enagaged right now, and you’re not going to be living with her parents, there really isn’t a need to tell them.
And what, pray tell, will happen when you leave? Will she leave with you, and what about the good job she just got? If not, when will you be back? If not, what’s the point? These are all questions that Taiwanese parents fear, and rightly so…
Yes she will probably come with me after i get a job to Europe. She accepted that job as she is willing to save money for our future, so that she wont have to ask her parents money to follow me. Back in my country, she will be able to work for my family (part time) and i will be able to take care of her.
My bet is her folks won’t like that idea one little bit. As previous posters said, I’d just say nothing. Tell them whatever you like when you’re both sitting in Europe and you invite them to the wedding.
(using the equatorial circumference, arguably a slight over-estimate).
. Now we are thinking about telling her parents that I am coming, but we wonder when is the best time to do so.