[quote=“tash”][quote=“sandman”][quote=“Jubom”]Curious: those of you said that you experienced what Mordeth is going through…what do you mean? Do you feel you felt the same way? Or that things progressed just as quickly? Or both?
When I have experienced quick, intense passion in the past, they were truly wonderful experiences in their own ways, but they weren’t awfully intimate on a consistent, constant, daily basis over a long period of time, so I curious to hear from others. When you met your wife/girlfriend, if you were truly infatuated at a very quick speed, how did things go after that, if you are still together? Do things shift? If so, how do they shift?[/quote]
Went just fine for me. 15 years and I’m still infatuated . Of course things have changed – you become more familiar, more comfortable around each other, less likely to wish to “test the limits” if you like, but as long the mutual respect and love remain, any problems can be overcome, at least in our experience.[/quote]
Aaaah… It’s nice to see there’s a softy and a romantic under that loud, rough exterior [/quote]
Crunch! Crunch!
[quote=“Jubom”]Curious: those of you said that you experienced what Mordeth is going through…what do you mean? Do you feel you felt the same way? Or that things progressed just as quickly? Or both?
When I have experienced quick, intense passion in the past, they were truly wonderful experiences in their own ways, but they weren’t awfully intimate on a consistent, constant, daily basis over a long period of time, so I curious to hear from others. When you met your wife/girlfriend, if you were truly infatuated at a very quick speed, how did things go after that, if you are still together? Do things shift? If so, how do they shift?[/quote]
Well, my first love who I mention in the OP was a “love at first sight” deal. I met her…on our second date we had sex. Maybe 2 months later we moved in together. And we dated off and on for the next 8 years or so. I’m 100% me already…and as long as this girl’s personality doesn’t change too drastically…then I can’t imagine us having too many difficulties.
Have you fornicated yet? I’m serious – when you know it is the right one – how fast or how slow do you think it is appropriate to go?[/quote]
Well, the general rule is: Relationships that start with sex don’t go past that. And relationships that start as friends and then develope have a much more “real” base for growth.
With my “First Love” back when I was 18 we had sex on the 2nd date. And it didn’t slow down the passion at all. But we were young. With my last girlfriend we had sex on the 4th or 5th date…and because I wasn’t very attracted to her…I felt that it was moving too fast. I hadn’t yet built up an attraction to her based on her personality…and then when she allowed me to go all the way…my attraction for her lowered a bit. If we had waited longer…I could have developed a more healthy attraction to her as a person…making the sex more enjoyable.
So, I’d say unless you’re extremly attracted to someone…sex to soon will hinder the passion and growth in the relationship. But if you are crazy about them right off the bat…then something like sex shouldn’t hurt the passion.[/quote]
Hang on a sec . . . . Mordeth - are you lesbian? 'Cause you sure sound a lot like a girl. Seriously, I didn’t know guys thought like this . . . felt like this. . . . what a nice realization . . . . Hey, I think you have the right idea . . . . no need to rush things . . . . relish the crush
Good for you, Mordeth. That’s the best kind of high in the world, and there’s nothing to compare with it for getting all the right chemicals flooding through your body.
Would you care to provide a description of the lady who has rendered you thus smitten?
[quote=“Bodo”]Hang on a sec . . . . Mordeth - are you lesbian? 'Cause you sure sound a lot like a girl. Seriously, I didn’t know guys thought like this . . . felt like this. . . . what a nice realization . . . . Hey, I think you have the right idea . . . . no need to rush things . . . . relish the crush
Bodo[/quote]
What do girls think guys get married for? Of course the emotions are going to be running just as strong.
We normally just go out hunting and killing stuff and grunting a lot while adjusting those wobbly bits that never seem to stay in the right place.
Seriously, for all intent and purpose, I am more interested in your first girl friend . Now as to moving too fast or not with sex, well personally, I think it’s always a mutual thing, there is always the just right time. You can feel it if one side wants to push sex right away (like, shove it in, babe which doesn’t happen that often of course). I don’t know if the feeling thing is something I can always count on, I don’t know how long it will last, and the kind of feeling changes as well, even though it’s still sweet, but it’s different. Of course I am only 22 and not yet married, so this is just my humble experience since 15? I suppose.
[quote=“Omniloquacious”]Good for you, Mordeth. That’s the best kind of high in the world, and there’s nothing to compare with it for getting all the right chemicals flooding through your body.
Would you care to provide a description of the lady who has rendered you thus smitten?[/quote]
I met her through the internet . I saw some pics of her. I was supposed to met her in the south on Sunday…I sent her a message canceling on the Saturday. She phoned me Sunday morning as I was heading back from Taipei saying that she was willing to come all the way to my city since I was too tired to go down south to meet her halfway. When I went to the train station to pick her up. She was the first girl that I looked at…but I thought she was way too beautiful to be the girl I saw in the pictures. Even though the pictures impressed me…they didn’t hold a candle to the girl in person.
Perfect skin…being the number one physical turn on. Perfect teeth, long legs and a great bum. Eyes that exude innocence and curiosity. Thick, thick hair down to her waist :lovestruck: .
She seems like a very sweet girl…who is a little bit too love starved. No father…not close with her mother…brother yells at her when he is having a bad day. Lives in a very unloving home.
She’s had 3 boyfriends before meeting me. One of which she married when she was 21. All 3 of which were foreigners…all 3 of which were horrible f**ks. Or at least it sounds that way. Her first was a married man that was almost twice her age…that makes me feel nauseous every time I think about it. She broke up with him once she found out he was married. The second one I don’t know much about. And the third was the guy she married. They had a very handsome son together…but he hit her more than once…and threw his supper on her one time. So she decided to get a divorce. He fought her for custody…and won of course. He then took her son back to his home country WITHOUT TELLING HER. So she’s had three abusive, unhealthy relationships…and recently lost her 2 year old son, whom she might never see again. I’m worried that she is “on the rebound”, but hopefully I can give her the love she needs…and she can learn to trust me in a way that she couldn’t with the men of her past.
I am a 100% supporter of monogamy. I haven’t cheated on a girlfriend since I was 19ish. I’m 30 now.
I smell something less than perfectly pleasant in her background.
Enjoy the crush, but don’t order cakeboxes just yet.
A very wise friend told me; “Only marry a girl from a happy family”.
I am serious.[/quote]
My first girlfriend is the one which this quote should be about. She was sexually abused by 35 year old married neighbor, starting at the tender age of 12. She was a nut-case. An extremely gorgeous and intelligent nut-case. It takes a lot of work and effort to be supportive enough for someone like that. But supposedly her new boyfriend is able to “handle” her. I wish him and her the best.
I’m coming down from the initial “high”…funny how that works with chemicals as well as real emotions…the ups and downs. And now I’m starting to think about the other expression “If it seems to good to be true, it is.” But each night when I talk with her on the phone…butterflies invade my stomach…and the high comes rushing back again.
I will be spending Saturday and Sunday with her down south…and if it rains we’ll probably be spending most of the time in the hotel room…chatting, etc.
See, some of the most amazing human beings I have met are people who were horribly wounded in their early childhood and who later made use of their painful experiences to transform not only their own lives but those around them as well. I don’t think having been abused means the person is automatically trouble. It is definitely something to pay attention to though, especially when someone shares that information rather quickly: if you have been a victim, have you learned how to be appropriately self-protective yet? There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to trauma recovery. These are just random thoughts that I am throwing out.
Having said that, when someone is on autopilot, unconsciously trapped in the victim stance, yes, more than likely this person’s behaviors may be out of balance, reactive, and then some. I think it all depends on where a person is with their own experiences, and what they have done to heal themselves. They have to go through it themselves. No amount of support from others can prop someone up in the world, although support certainly helps that person to feel more grounded to deal with their own stuff.
What I am finding interesting is that the two women that made/make you feel gaga ooh-ha both have been intensely victimized. Could this be a pattern emerging that reflects something about you as well? My intention is not to judge you at all, but to say that this may be something to pay attention to since there are almost always two sides to a story. Abuse victims have a very interesting relationship with intimacy itself, in my opinion, one that is full of conflicts, intense longing, fantasy, pain and fear, amongst other things. Those who consistently end up with abuse victims may mirror some of the inner issues as well…you think?
But of course, these are all just theories and may not fit real life situations at all. There are exceptions to every rule. You are the one who knows the whole story. Take gentle care…and have fun!
Kind of relate to your theory, Jubom. I have a GF who always seem to date ‘interesting’ guys. She had a tough childhood and also major issues with her weight her entire life. She is a well educated, very successful software engineer, earning big bucks but she has always managed to end up with all the wrong guys. She has dated a pot head, a guy who cheated on her constantly, even a guy who in the end told her he is gay! She is now currently dating a baggage handler who has a 3 year old son with his ex-GF (who now have some kind of motor neuron disease and is unable to walk) so he has to work double shifts to pay for the alimony, kid and ex-GF’s medical expenses as well… Talk about complicated! :help:
Um, why would a TW girl continue to go out of her way to find a foreign boyfriend if they keep treating her like crap? I’m not saying that you yourself are a jerk, Mordeth, but from her perspective you’d think she’d pick up on the trend.
I mean, if I were back home and I had a thing for, say, hot Russian chicks, I probably still wouldn’t date another again after one bad experience let alone three.
Indeed, I’d be sketched out at the thought of dating any TW girl that’s dated three or more foreigners in the past, regardless of how those previous relationships went.
When I was back in Canada…I’d say the majority of my girlfriends were rape victims…odd as that sounds. Maybe it was because I met them in dance clubs…so environment played a hand. But I think it’s because I am very physically non-threatening. I’m very very skinny. And maybe this makes girls feel safe? But regardless…I AM a very safe guy to be with. I wouldn’t even consider touching a girl for the first time if she’s had more than a couple of drinks…been in that situation many times, where a girl is hitting on me, but she’s been drinking. Even if it’s a girl that I worship…I won’t touch her. Not if it’s the first time…with a girlfriend that’s different. That’s just one example.
Yeah…I asked her that question myself. She said “Foreigners are the only guys that hit on me. Taiwanese guys all just assume I have a boyfriend or something.”
Her first three boyfriends chased her…she chased me…that’s a big difference this time around. The “confident” guys that have no problem chatting up a girl in the bar…are usually the ones to be cautious of. Myself on the other hand…I’ve had about 3 dates in the last 12 months. I’m shy.
I will be spending Saturday and Sunday with her down south…and if it rains we’ll probably be spending most of the time in the hotel room…chatting, etc.
We’ll see how it goes.[/quote]
Chatting?? Who chats when they are in the hotel room, com’on…
. Of course things have changed – you become more familiar, more comfortable around each other, less likely to wish to “test the limits” if you like, but as long the mutual respect and love remain, any problems can be overcome, at least in our experience.[/quote]
[/quote]
. Now as to moving too fast or not with sex, well personally, I think it’s always a mutual thing, there is always the just right time. You can feel it if one side wants to push sex right away (like, shove it in, babe 
which doesn’t happen that often of course). I don’t know if the feeling thing is something I can always count on, I don’t know how long it will last, and the kind of feeling changes as well, even though it’s still sweet, but it’s different. Of course I am only 22 and not yet married, so this is just my humble experience since 15? I suppose.
. I saw some pics of her. I was supposed to met her in the south on Sunday…I sent her a message canceling on the Saturday. She phoned me Sunday morning as I was heading back from Taipei saying that she was willing to come all the way to my city since I was too tired to go down south to meet her halfway. When I went to the train station to pick her up. She was the first girl that I looked at…but I thought she was way too beautiful to be the girl I saw in the pictures. Even though the pictures impressed me…they didn’t hold a candle to the girl in person.