I have a Taiwanese girlfriend now, I thought I would do pretty good with her. But actually, I think there are something I really don’t know what to do with it?
I am a Taiwanese guy, but I have lived in America for 6 years and have a lot of American friends there and here. I am so used to speak Chinese with some English key words with friends, and everyone can understand, or just speak english instead of Chinese. it’s easier than speaking Chinese. but my girlfriend don’t understand it, she gets mad at me everytime when I say sometihng in English. Therefore, I can’t hang out with my American friends in Taiwan. I wanna have my girlfriend to hang out with my friends as well, but she can only hang out with Taiwanese.
There are big difference between me and her, especially I am more into American culture than Taiwanese, but she’s not. I love to have my life in American way, but she’s not. Shell I keep going with her? specially I really don’t like girls with skinny bones and wear really Japanese way, sorry~ no offence.
WHAT CAN I DO???
Things don’t always work out as we expect or want. If you two aren’t compatable break it off. You’re doing her as much of a favor as yourself.
^^What he said^^
Even if the sex is top notch. You gotta break the chain and run.
Sounds like you might be at a dead end. Or, I guess it depends on what you’re willing to sacrifice - your friends or your girl. It will be difficult to juggle both, and it’s likely the girl will demand more of your time.
Whether a girl feels comfortable with my friends is big factor for me. Granted I’ve only ever dated one foreigner, but that was when I was in the U.S. She was very “American” anyway. Your situation is different but has its similarities.
Plenty of other chicks out there, and some who are american as you. Go find 'em.
[quote=“wanger114”]Sounds like you might be at a dead end. Or, I guess it depends on what you’re willing to sacrifice - your friends or your girl. It will be difficult to juggle both, and it’s likely the girl will demand more of your time.
Whether a girl feels comfortable with my friends is big factor for me. Granted I’ve only ever dated one foreigner, but that was when I was in the U.S. She was very “American” anyway. Your situation is different but has its similarities.
Plenty of other chicks out there, and some who are american as you. Go find 'em.[/quote]
off topic
Question: Are you American in heart and mind or Taiwanese?
After fours years on this rock, does that make me Taiwanese? Seems to me that alot of Asians travel abroad, obtain a passport, spend 5 years (or a helluva lot more), hang out with mostly Asians at Asian parties etc, yet claim to be ‘star spangled’.
I had a convo with a friend of mine lastnight on this topic and we got into a debate on what constitutes being American, Euro or Asian. I mean: if you souly hang out with ‘your own’ and adhere strictly to that culture then where do you stand? I eat dan bing, go to ktv, drink alcohol like it’s water, spend Chinese New Year at a flippin temple joining family…the list goes on. Am I now Taiwanese? Hmmmm.
Of course I know the answer. From my own experience, I can never truly be Taiwanese and yet others from other nations in Asia can enter a western society and become XYZ.
Side note: My friends back home that happen to be Asian decent. re: born there have now seen me as a bore because for each time I was called whiteboy, cracker (in good fun) who was just another whitey interested in Asia, have now seen me as more ‘Asian’ than them. Yet I’m still ousted and not seen as an equal. It’s interesting. I also have a Taiwanese friend who spent most of his teens and early 20’s in Cali and refuses to date a Taiwanese girl who’s been with a white or black man.
I have so much to say on this topic but I’ll see what pans out first.
[quote]Question: Are you American in heart and mind or Taiwanese?
After fours years on this rock, does that make me Taiwanese? Seems to me that alot of Asians travel abroad, obtain a passport, spend 5 years (or a helluva lot more), hang out with mostly Asians at Asian parties etc, yet claim to be ‘star spangled’.
I had a convo with a friend of mine lastnight on this topic and we got into a debate on what constitutes being American, Euro or Asian. I mean: if you souly hang out with ‘your own’ and adhere strictly to that culture then where do you stand? I eat dan bing, go to ktv, drink alcohol like it’s water, spend Chinese New Year at a flippin temple joining family…the list goes on. Am I now Taiwanese? Hmmmm.
Of course I know the answer. From my own experience, I can never truly be Taiwanese and yet others from other nations in Asia can enter a western society and become XYZ.
Side note: My friends back home that happen to be Asian decent. re: born there have now seen me as a bore because for each time I was called whiteboy, cracker (in good fun) who was just another whitey interested in Asia, have now seen me as more ‘Asian’ than them. Yet I’m still ousted and not seen as an equal. It’s interesting. I also have a Taiwanese friend who spent most of his teens and early 20’s in Cali and refuses to date a Taiwanese girl who’s been with a white or black man.
I have so much to say on this topic but I’ll see what pans out first.[/quote]
I will answer your question first, I am a Taiwanese, but have part of american mind in my heart. Does that make any sence? Just like what you said as above, you eat dan bing, go to KTV and so on. but you are still not a Taiwanese. Same here.
I eat Salads, I love cheese, I love pizza, and so on. Am I an American? nope~ I am still a Taiwanese. Here I am facing a problem is If I wanna go to Chilli’s, My girlfriend hates it. She doesn’t like to eat pizza, she doesn’t like the way I wear Abercrobie & Fitch T-shirt with American Eagle Short, plus the running shoes with no showing socks. IT’s pretty normal looking in the states. but she won’t accept it.
for example, If she is doing something that I disagree, but she still got the decission and all I can do is tell her " fine"~~~~~ She would say, what does that mean? why don’t you say that in Chinese? Dude~ I really don’t know what words in Taiwanese would explain exactly the feeling and meaning as " FINE!"
well, it’s really complicated to debate about wheather you are American mind with Taiwanese body or your are what nationality or races.
All I care about is what I feel comfortable and what I got used to, And if she can accept it? I think it doesn’t really matter about if you are Taiwanese with American heart in mind but just the way we do and what you live for[/quote]
There you go. She sounds way too selfish, spoiled and close-minded for my tastes, from what you’ve told us. And not only that, she’s a bony wee runt? Nothing to do with her being Taiwanese, though. There are lots and lots and lots who aren’t like this.
i think you should find a girlfriend who can appreciate you and your taste. i think even non-english speaking taiwanese girls would find you cute when you speak in english or they can even try to learn from you. so i guess its going to be tough, unless you really love her that much to make it work.
She ain’t happy; you ain’t happy.
Break up and be happy, people!
You’re Taiwanese and this is your first Taiwanese girlfriend? How old are you, BTW?
Is it really that hard just to speak Chinese when you’re with a group of Chinese-speaking friends instead of showing off your English? Whenever I’m with a group of Taiwanese there is always one guy who absolutely insists on speaking exlusively in English, especially if there’s a token adogah in the group. Are you that guy?
[quote]but my girlfriend don’t understand it, she gets mad at me everytime when I say sometihng in English.
[/quote]
I think that’s fair enough on her part. How would you feel if you had to sit there for 3 hours while she rattled away to her friends in French/Icelandic/Tagalog/whatever? I feel her pain. I know I get pissed off when I’m with a group of Taiwanese who all speak Mandarin natively but end up gabbing away in Taiwanese for 2 hours while I sit there bored off my arse.
Remember that you’re the one bringing foreign elements into her world, not the other way around. It’s your job to make her feel comfortable and have fun when you hang out together by including her in what’s going on.
People who are, like, SO INTO some foreign culture are just like people who are SO INTO cars/bikes/model aeroplanes/balsawood models etc. Try to look at it from an external viewpoint… is your every second sentence, ‘America is really…’? Do you refuse to use chopsticks and talk at length about this every time you eat? Do you talk English loudly so that everyone can hear? Do you go on about American films/music/women at every opportunity? It’s just boring, man! I should know - I’ve been boring the arse off people like a pro for most of my life.
I’ll drink to that, brotha 
So you don’t like the way she looks, thinks or acts… why did you choose her again? 
Any Taiwanese knows that a REAL dandy American would have dumped her by now, shagged her best friend, sister and mom in a filthy 4-way then got drunk and beat up her dad before moving on to the next hapless chick.
And he would film it and post the video online. 
Maybe she’s jealous cause she can’t relate? Maybe she feels “inferior” to you because you’ve had the opportunity to live in the states and she hasn’t? Maybe she’s afraid she will lose you… that one day you might want to go back to the states?
I dunno, man… but if she can only like you if you’re 100% Taiwanese in body and mind… she’s sounds pretty narrow-minded. You are who you are. Part of you has been shaped by living abroad. It’s a shame she can’t accept that.
How did u guys even end up together? Most of the Taiwanese girls I meet are keen to learn foreign ways. Perhaps because u are asian looking your gf assumed that you would be Taiwanese. I feel the pain of any Taiwanese or asian here who can’t speak fluent mandarin, because other locals pretty much think you’re retarded…my best advice to you, is to either date a western girl here in Taiwan or find other like minded asians who’ve studied abroad.
Its hard enough for us western foreigners to find a girl who’ll accept western culture, but for you… its going to be even more difficult.
Very true. Your biggest problem seems to be that you two aren’t really compatible. Find someone who shares your tastes.
:roflmao: At least half true.
My suggestion is to just move on and find someone who fits you better. Most of what Ilary said you can take to the bank.
On the other side topic. You’re about as American as I am Taiwanese. Yes, I can also speak Chinese, like to eat Taiwanese food, watch Taiwanese and Chinese movies, music and hang out with Taiwanese mates. I will be getting married to a Taiwanese woman soon and our kid will be half Taiwanese (which will probably give me a little more reason to think I’m part Taiwanese than for you to think you’re part American).
I have Taiwanese friends who have even gone as far to say that I’m an Egg (white on the outside and yellow on the inside - get it?) because I have more knowledge than they do on historical aspects of China and Taiwan.
But as Monster said. I’ll never really BE Taiwanese. Like you I just have a love and an affinity for a foreign culture. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. If more people were like that maybe we would have less hatred in the world and more tolerance. So don’t hate yourself for it, embrace it and find someone who shares your passions (or at least, someone who doesn’t mind hearing you yabber on about it). I’m fortunate that my SO doesn’t mind listening to me waxing lyrical about Chinese culture and history. She just sits and listens - although I expect she tunes out and just politely nods her head - and graciously accompanies me to any and all cultural and historical sites I enjoy visiting.
But bear in mind another thing Ilary said: No one likes to sit with people for hours on end speaking in a language they don’t understand. Be flexible.
Good luck.
[quote]
- You’re Taiwanese and this is your first Taiwanese girlfriend? How old are you, BTW?
2.Is it really that hard just to speak Chinese when you’re with a group of Chinese-speaking friends instead of showing off your English? Whenever I’m with a group of Taiwanese there is always one guy who absolutely insists on speaking exlusively in English, especially if there’s a token adogah in the group. Are you that guy?
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I think that’s fair enough on her part. How would you feel if you had to sit there for 3 hours while she rattled away to her friends in French/Icelandic/Tagalog/whatever? I feel her pain. I know I get pissed off when I’m with a group of Taiwanese who all speak Mandarin natively but end up gabbing away in Taiwanese for 2 hours while I sit there bored off my arse.
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Remember that you’re the one bringing foreign elements into her world, not the other way around. It’s your job to make her feel comfortable and have fun when you hang out together by including her in what’s going on.
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People who are, like, SO INTO some foreign culture are just like people who are SO INTO cars/bikes/model aeroplanes/balsawood models etc. Try to look at it from an external viewpoint… is your every second sentence, ‘America is really…’? Do you refuse to use chopsticks and talk at length about this every time you eat? Do you talk English loudly so that everyone can hear? Do you go on about American films/music/women at every opportunity? It’s just boring, man! I should know - I’ve been boring the arse off people like a pro for most of my life.
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So you don’t like the way she looks, thinks or acts… why did you choose her again?
Any Taiwanese knows that a REAL dandy American would have dumped her by now, shagged her best friend, sister and mom in a filthy 4-way then got drunk and beat up her dad before moving on to the next hapless chick.[/quote] -
Yes, I am a Taiwanese like I said as above, and this is not my first Taiwanese girlfriend. I had a Taiwanese girlfriend when I was in the states, but we don’t have this problem b/c she can understand English and hang out with my friends.
2.It’s not about to showing off. Most of my friends are americans whom don’t even speak a word of chinese, only English that I can communicate with them. Since you are get used to it. I will naturally speak english words into the Chinese conversation while I am hanging out with some of my Taiwanese friends whom I met in the states. So they can also understand that. Dude, so next time when you see those people speak some English words into their conversation. Sometimes, it’s not showing off. It depends on different case. If you speak Chinese with your friends for years here, and when you move back to your hometown speaking english with your friends, I can tell you that you will naturally pop out some chinese words, and when people whom don’t understand to ask the meaning, you will find out that it’s not easy to explain. People speak English is not a big deal anymore in Taiwan, many people can speak English, there’s nothing to show off.
3.I totally undertand what’s the point you are talking about. But here is the situation that everyone will have. Can you leave your gf home and to hang out with your friends? You might allowed to do that for couple times, but not for all the time. Therefore, she will wants to go as well, Can you tell her not to go b/c she won’t understand? That will hurt her even more. There are many times that my friends whom only speak English invited me for dinner, and I didn’t go b/c I don’t wanna leave my gf home and only hang out with my friends. After a few invitation, there’s no calls anymore~~ That also end up to the question: Friends ? or Girlfriend?
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I do know this point. So I only invite and join the fun activities with my friends, not only the talking talking conversation. I tried to teach her some English words, but… it’s not working. I know it’s really difficult for a person to learn the language that she doesn’t interest at all. I know the process of learning English, I am still learning as well. No one is perfect, even the native English speaker is still learning. Even I am a Chinese, I am still learning my native language. I am still trying to make her interested in English. Still working on it, and having some problems. That’s why I am here to write this topic and just wanna get some advice. Who knows it ended up to " just wanna get some attention" ??? What’s that about?? I don’t get anything from your attention, right?
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I am not that like of person. Why should I get people’s eyes stairing at me? once again, Do I get any money or discount from that? Everyone know it’s all about the showing off thing. I am not so proud of that. If I go with people whom can use chopsticks, I will use chopsticks. If I go with people whom don’t use chopsticks, I won’t use it. They think you just wanna show off your chopsticks skill. Just like what you said, It’s boring. I just wanna do myself and be comfortable. why should we care about what other people think? They don’t even pay for my live. How much does show off worth? nothing, man~
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people will change!!! When I first meet her, she didn’t look like that. she’s on diet all the time to make herself looks really skinny. That’s the beauty what most Taiwanese think. When I was dating her in the beginning, she didn’t show me that she doesn’t like English. no matter the culture, the language or hanging out with friends. people will change, I am changing myself for her as well. Isn’t it should be equal? I will sacrifice something for her, and so does she.
[/i][/quote]
Once again, I don’t like people to say that I am just wanna show off or just wanna get attention. I just wanna hear what everyone would do when they have this kind of situation, and not to come up here to get some shit on myself. Why do people have to look at each other like enemies? not friends?? Aren’t we come up here to make friends? or the site is designed for critic everyone, make everyone as enemies, and dumb some shit on people? I am trying my best to be friendly here, and to make friends, not make enemies.
Relax derek, you’ll get a LOT of different opinons here, and some will grate on you.But it seems to me the best advice has already been given. Find a new GF, or hang out with foreigners who can speak Chinese.
Thank you Jdsmith, I think I got the answer as well, but the second one seems pretty difficult to me. First, I can’t choose friends by language skills. Second, all of my friends from my church can’t speak Chinese. Well, I guess I am just gonna wait for the right one. Thank you for all the friendly answers.
But SuchAFob is a foreigner who speaks Chinese - is that really such a good idea? 
Of course, she could just be playing with him. You know how girsl are.
Maybe I should start looking for men~~ be a gay
so I don’t need to deal with xxxx girls. 
That is a good idea, isn’t it?