[quote=“Allbringer”]When she first told me, I did make couple suggestions to her, so she would consider other options.
Tell your parents you’re pregnant. Let that marinate for a few days and then relieve them when you say that your kidding and we’re just having wild sex.
Tell them you only have a couple months to live and follow up with the rest of suggestion 1.[/quote]
Wrong strategy. You have to show her parents that you are really obsessed… eh, committed to the relationship. Here’s what to do:
While back home, forget about the time difference and call them in the middle of the night (Taiwan time). Tell them you want to speak to your fianc
[quote=“Mr He”]The guards here in Taiwan do that a lot… Speak up about things no business to them…
had that ruin a date once.[/quote]
i often take my girlfriend to a restaurant near my apartment.
one day i took a student to the same place and the staff there
went up to her and said, ‘who are you? you know he has a
girlfriend, don’t you?’ no doubt the security guards are the same.
be careful people! they are all against you!
i’ve posted some negative stuff about taiwan, especially about the staring -which for all i know is giving me cancer - but my experience of my ‘in-laws’ has been great. better than great. and in my case they know ill be going back to blighty without their little girl. Her mum even takes my side in arguments.
But butcher boy, why are you going back to the UK? there’s only one thing worse than living in taiwan, and that is not living in taiwan. britain is depressing. don’t do it!
Yep. And I think he showed his maturity in the way he responded to the negative comments.
[quote=“Shuaiguoren”][quote=“Mr He”]The guards here in Taiwan do that a lot… Speak up about things no business to them…
had that ruin a date once.[/quote]
i often take my girlfriend to a restaurant near my apartment.
one day I took a student to the same place and the staff there
went up to her and said, ‘who are you? you know he has a
girlfriend, don’t you?’ no doubt the security guards are the same.
be careful people! they are all against you!
I’ve posted some negative stuff about taiwan, especially about the staring -which for all I know is giving me cancer - but my experience of my ‘in-laws’ has been great. better than great. and in my case they know ill be going back to blighty without their little girl. Her mum even takes my side in arguments.
But butcher boy, why are you going back to the UK? there’s only one thing worse than living in Taiwan, and that is not living in Taiwan. britain is depressing. don’t do it!
Yep. And I think he showed his maturity in the way he responded to the negative comments.[/quote]
I gave my security guard a sixpack of the cheapest beer they sold in Circle K. After that, he only had good things to say about me, opened front door, press the elevator button for me, etc.
put down the law. be a man. say, “look you’ve got a choice. you don’t have to like me, but i’m the man whom your daughter wants to be with. i don’t take kindly to you saying that a chinese hoodlum is better than an honest educated white/black man.you have insulted my family not only me. (show them your family pictures of your lovely mamma, pappa, and family). you don’t have to accept it, but live with it if you wanna know our children. in fact, if this is the way you are, i’ll tell the kids you died a long time ago so they won’t have to be dissed by their racist grandpa. and your daughter will be living in ((US, wherever)”
[quote=“rantheman”]put down the law. be a man. say, “look you’ve got a choice. you don’t have to like me, but I’m the man whom your daughter wants to be with. I don’t take kindly to you saying that a Chinese hoodlum is better than an honest educated white/black man.you have insulted my family not only me. (show them your family pictures of your lovely mamma, pappa, and family). you don’t have to accept it, but live with it if you wanna know our children. in fact, if this is the way you are, I’ll tell the kids you died a long time ago so they won’t have to be dissed by their racist grandpa. and your daughter will be living in ((US, wherever)”
look him in the eye when you say it![/quote]
That will not get you anywhere. Sorry to break that to you, but if you say that, then you are dead as far as they are concerned - and the GF will get the choice between cutting all links to her family or dumping you.
You will earn a second spot in her mind compared to her family.
in Taiwan???
Many very serious relationships are hidden from the parents here.
I have been in more than one of those.[/quote]
Does it hurt to be kept a secret from your honey’s family? I would find that hurtful. I’d wonder if she is embarrassed by me or if I’m not good enough to meet my possible future-in-laws. I feel sorry it happened to you, but I’m sure you’re over it, Mr He!
Allbringer, I didn’t mean to sound condescending with my previous post. I agree with the posters (and even you said it yourself) that you’ve only been together for a short while, so time will tell.
It’s been a couple of months bonking, not serious at all.
Why should a grown adult have to divulge their personal life to anybody at all?
People here are always poking their noses into others business. Often the talk is about all those friends you have… People here are callous in what they say to others.
I went with a friend to a Thai restaurant in Taichung and the staff kept asking her about her foreign boyfriend. She was 17 at the time and I was helping her immigrate to Canada, and we had already known each other for 3 years. Finally she got fed up and scolded the staff, saying we were just friends and that they shouldn’t assume that when they see a local with a foreigner that they are dating. Damn I was only 38 at that time, so even the age difference didnt seem to bother anyone lol.
in Taiwan???
Many very serious relationships are hidden from the parents here.
I have been in more than one of those.[/quote]
Does it hurt to be kept a secret from your honey’s family? I would find that hurtful. I’d wonder if she is embarrassed by me or if I’m not good enough to meet my possible future-in-laws. I feel sorry it happened to you, but I’m sure you’re over it, Mr He!
:[/quote]
Oh i know of someone right now in a relationship like this… And the sad thing is they are ALREADY MARRIED…
[quote=“Namahottie”]
Oh I know of someone right now in a relationship like this… And the sad thing is they are ALREADY MARRIED… [/quote]
Well, if they are married, one might be able to understand that they don’t want to go home to hubby, or the missus and tell him/her about the serious relationship…
Hey, you mean??? they are married to each other??? Wow!!!
While her father’s attitude is offensive from our point of view, I’d say it might or might not be “peasant-ish” (as someone put it) depending on his reasons.
If he’s purely concerned about race – IE he doesn’t want his little girl hooking up with a hairy monkey and making hybrid babies, she should find herself a nice Chinese man, etc – then that’s genuinely “peasant” thinking.
However, you do need to remember that foreign men have a BAD rep hear – and not always undeservedly! While Chinese men have a tendency to cheat in later years after the deal is sealed so to speak, at least from the Chinese perspective they fufil their obligation in that they provide for the woman and the family.
On the other hand, foreign guys tend to play around until the phermones wear off, then make use of the ‘market advantage’ their exotic status affords them to quickly change up, leaving her high and dry – and often viewed as “used goods”.
So the point you make about getting her to work on her family is a good one. If she makes this sacrifice, gets her family to trust you, and then it turns out the relationship was just a bit of fun for you, she’s gonna lose face big time. More importantly, she’ll lose all bargaining power with her family. From then on, it’s gonna be ‘whatever daddy says goes’.
Thus you need to give a good hard think as to what this means to you. If you’re not sure yet, I’d say cool it until you are sure. Otherwise she stands to lose a lot.
I had this problem recently with my TW girlfriend and with a Vietnamese girl in the states. What did I do? I walked away. Unless you are going to get hitched why break up a family?
When you marry her would you be willing to marry into her inflexible family? A lot of this Family vs. Foreigner problem is simply racism.
My parents aren’t racist so why should I include racist inlaws into my extended family.
I had a Chinese roomate a Grad student at Tai Da, who told my girlfriend that I had a girl over one night while she was overseas (She was an ex so it made it even worse)
After he spilled the beans and my GF told me the source I knocked on his door and calmly told him he had 2 days to move or i would throw him off our roof top apartment and tell his parents that he commited suicide—he got the pictue and moved out.
Just to give an update, things were very strange when I got back. We weren’t able to make contact for the two weeks before CNY. Then I visited the States for two weeks. By the time we saw each other again, the day I got back, the vibe was totally different. I expected that, but I figured since we always had good chemistry we could pick things back up in no time. Not so simple. We had a nice dinner and good conversation. But when walking home, it was clear that things just weren’t the same. I guess she was getting used to the idea of us not being together, while I was looking forward to seeing her again. Apparently we moved in opposite directions. Her dad wins. It’s tough because even though it was just a couple months that we were together, things seemed perfect for a while. Now I gotta get over her getting over me. Salt in the wounds. For some strange reason, it’s getting to me now more than it did at first. But I’ll be a’ight.
Word to the wise. In the early stages, always be ready for things to evaporate in an instant. If it blindsides you, it takes a while to get back up. But then again, what kind of chump gets hooked in two months?
Thanks for all the replies. I don’t have too many close friends over here and I really appreciate having somewhere to ventilate. Good therapy. Cheap too!
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