Flakiness, is it a new thing or did the Romans say they’d meet at the bathhouse and instead decide to pop by the auditorium instead?
Heres one example, I have more.
I have an ex colleague, who I was on fairly friendly terms with when I worked with him in Taipei. Moved away for a few years, he said he’d drop by when visiting the city I worked in,never happened. Okay.
Moved back to Taipei. Thought it would be a good idea to catch up with him. I’ve sent him some job leads too from time to time. Chatted on LINE and delighted to hear himself and the wife finally had a baby after many years trying. He seemed really enthusiastic to meet up, going as far as to state ‘can’t wait to see you guys again’ , ‘I’m excited to catch up’.
Then, nothing. Nads. zilch.
This is not the first time this shit has happened. My wife also complains about it as well. Fucking flakiness man. Does my head in. I wouldn’t mind if people said, nah no time, actually You are too poor, you smell, the wife hates you, …but don’t act that like you really want to do something and then don’t do it!
California, man. I’ve dealt with my share of flakes in Taiwan, but no one comes close to California folk. L.A. is a little worse than S.F., but up and down the coast, it’s fucking Tony the Tiger (frosted flakes). And I won’t even start in on the Philippines. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Your word means shit in that joint.
Anyway, it seems to me that in Taiwan, people will tell you “Oh I can’t wait to _______ with you”, but it’s really more of a “Yes when they mean No” type-thing that seems to be endemic in society. Like, my laoban is absolutely disgusting about that. He’s told me yes when he meant no more times than I can count. And I no longer value his word or expect him to live up to it. Therefore, when someone in Taiwan agrees to do something, I don’t actually expect them to honor their word until they have actually shown up to said event. So perhaps I’ve just become inured to it, and don’t consider it flaking out when Fountain Soap Huang isn’t at the set location at the designated time. Well, to be honest, I don’t hang out with any locals anymore, so it’s never a problem. Expats…? Ffffppppssshhhh. Don’t care.
Having grown up in the U.S. Midwest (but roots are originally all over the place), we have this ingrained thing about flaking out. You flake on me one time, and that’s it. Fuck off. Used to drive me insane when I got out to the West Coast and people flaked left and right. I cut so many fucking people off. And the thing is, they didn’t get it. Like, “Chill, bro. Sorry I couldn’t make it.” Right, then why did you say you could, Chad?
I am also a bit flakey like that, I’m a bit of an introvert, so sometimes I find long conversation tiring, so I tend to shy away from parties or dinner dates etc, unless I really know the person well. But I don’t make dates and then cancel them.
I used to get upset when people would flake but life gets busy and it is hard to keep track of everyone you know. I cant imagine these people that have thousands of facebook friends, even if 10% of them you know in real life, it would be crazy to try to maintain regular contact with them all, with work and family and personal pursuits chewing up a lot of time and all.
I have a local friend here that is trained “well”, I was late once or twice when we first started to meet up, and now he takes it for granted that he can show up 20-30 minutes late each time we meet. He will say, lets meet at 7 for dinner, the movie starts at 730, and then line me (or not) and say sorry, just eat dinner without me, we will meet at the movie. Ive gotten angry a few times but he doesn’t see the problem. The only way to deal with this behavior is say OK, 700 and then just take your time and get there at 730 because you know they are flakes.
[quote=“dan2006”]I am also a bit flakey like that, I’m a bit of an introvert, so sometimes I find long conversation tiring, so I tend to shy away from parties or dinner dates etc, unless I really know the person well. But I don’t make dates and then cancel them.
I used to get upset when people would flake but life gets busy and it is hard to keep track of everyone you know. I cant imagine these people that have thousands of facebook friends, even if 10% of them you know in real life, it would be crazy to try to maintain regular contact with them all, with work and family and personal pursuits chewing up a lot of time and all.
I have a local friend here that is trained “well”, I was late once or twice when we first started to meet up, and now he takes it for granted that he can show up 20-30 minutes late each time we meet. He will say, lets meet at 7 for dinner, the movie starts at 730, and then line me (or not) and say sorry, just eat dinner without me, we will meet at the movie. Ive gotten angry a few times but he doesn’t see the problem. The only way to deal with this behavior is say OK, 700 and then just take your time and get there at 730 because you know they are flakes.[/quote]
This is precisely why I don’t hang out with locals anymore. It’s like playing golf. My favorite movie of all-time is Caddyshack, for reasons not limited to having been a caddy at a country club. Anyway, golf is all about current conditions. The wind is blowing from the NE today and it’s coming in at 5 km/ps, versus the SE 2 km/ps from yesterday, and so, this cat has a tendency to slice, and fuck if anybody knows where the ball is gonna land. That - to me - is not a friend. That’s an acquaintance. Got 23 million of 'em here. I have exactly one friend in this town who has never flaked on me, and he knows who he is.
Otherwise, whatever, you know? There’s only so much disappointment you can bear before it’s tedious and Snickers bar. Just continue to be a straight-up cat and you will find a few of us along the way.
And fuck, we haven’t even mentioned people who initiate the plans and then bail!!!
Does anyone know a dude name Chad who isn’t a…Chad. Like, there was some fuckin’ yokel motorcycle-demolition-derby rodeo-clown named Bad Brad Something-or-other, I forget.
But in my freshman year of college, I met Brad’s little brother, Chad. Bad Chad [Fucksticken]. When I got to S.F., my social circle included people who remembered Chad - I dunno - it was fuckin’ 25 years ago.
Chad became the name you called somebody on purpose. Passive-aggressive and uncool shit. Like, we’d be introduced to people and I’d be like, “Nice to meet you, Chad” and he’d say, “No, my name is Carson.”
No, it’s not. It’s Chad.
Holy shit, the 2000 election just sent Chad into the sttratosphere! Chad became a synonym for “dick.” If I’m referring to you as “Chad” even though your name is Frank, I think you’re a dick, and I’m begging you to call me on it.
[quote=“super_lucky”]And fuck, we haven’t even mentioned people who initiate the plans and then bail!!!
Does anyone know a dude name Chad who isn’t a…Chad. Like, there was some fuckin’ yokel motorcycle-demolition-derby rodeo-clown named Bad Brad Something-or-other, I forget.
But in my freshman year of college, I met Brad’s little brother, Chad. Bad Chad [Fucksticken]. When I got to S.F., my social circle included people who remembered Chad - I dunno - it was fuckin’ 25 years ago.
Chad became the name you called somebody on purpose. Passive-aggressive and uncool shit. Like, we’d be introduced to people and I’d be like, “Nice to meet you, Chad” and he’d say, “No, my name is Carson.”
No, it’s not. It’s Chad.
Holy shit, the 2000 election just sent Chad into the sttratosphere! Chad became a synonym for “dick.” If I’m referring to you as “Chad” even though your name is Frank, I think you’re a dick, and I’m begging you to call me on it.[/quote]
[quote=“Rocket”][quote=“super_lucky”]And fuck, we haven’t even mentioned people who initiate the plans and then bail!!!
Does anyone know a dude name Chad who isn’t a…Chad. Like, there was some fuckin’ yokel motorcycle-demolition-derby rodeo-clown named Bad Brad Something-or-other, I forget.
But in my freshman year of college, I met Brad’s little brother, Chad. Bad Chad [Fucksticken]. When I got to S.F., my social circle included people who remembered Chad - I dunno - it was fuckin’ 25 years ago.
Chad became the name you called somebody on purpose. Passive-aggressive and uncool shit. Like, we’d be introduced to people and I’d be like, “Nice to meet you, Chad” and he’d say, “No, my name is Carson.”
No, it’s not. It’s Chad.
Holy shit, the 2000 election just sent Chad into the sttratosphere! Chad became a synonym for “dick.” If I’m referring to you as “Chad” even though your name is Frank, I think you’re a dick, and I’m begging you to call me on it.[/quote]
I leave in Flake-town, Zhejiang province. I have a bar downstairs from my gaff. People come and see me there, and that’s basically it. Sick of trailing into town to get a message ‘Sorry!!! Running late!’ as if I would be cool about hanging about in a fkking Chinese Starbux for an hour for fun.
In my book, it depends on how late you are, and more critically, whether you have informed the waiting party of your tardiness. If you’re supposed to meet me at 7 and you don’t call me until 7:20 to tell me you’re heading out the door, that’s flaky.
What about being persistently late? Like, everytime. Got a friend who is just that, but I’ve worked through it. Now we arrange to meet at 8, I show 8.30, he shows 8.40. Kind of works.
Yup, you got 20 minutes then I’m gone. I’m not wasting my time in a restaurant or coffee shop. Or I’ll order and just go when my meal’s finished, no matter when you arrived.
Being persistently late can be about passively aggressively asserting yourself over someone. A control game. They call it “Covert Narcissist.” I could be wrong, but it’s a psychological pattern some people exhibit.
