This.
Make it happen.
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Is this how you would deal with other peers?
This sounds more like you want to establish some sort of status/rank rather than a relationship.
When I came here to live most my girlfriends friends told me she was a horrible person and completely ignore her, they tell me this in front of the mums face.
This doesnāt see like advice but more like gossip designed to cause triangulation in your relationship.
Iām beginning to suspect that youāre not being honest about your behavior in this relationship.
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NO and Iām in no way trying to exert any type rank, Iāve been quietest and I hoped understanding, rudeness is not accepted. For someone to repeatedly shout at me and her mother needs stern talking to and truth be known.
The friends had stopped inviting her with her mother because of her bad attitude, long before I appeared.
Your suspects are very unfounded, however I appreciate your thoughts.
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I think Namahottieās point is that it sounds like you lectured her, which is generally how you treat a child or a subordinate. In the discussion you have with her, you might want to try just listening to her and her feelings. Try treating her like an adult, and perhaps sheāll act like one. Treating her as a child hasnāt seemed to work very well so far.
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Thatās not on him though is it?
Dude, get your own place. Have mom sleep over. Cut the kid out of the equation. See the daughter on your terms.
If you stay at her place then youāre the guest. Suck it up, fight back, leave or stfu. 
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I have agree with last part. Your a guest at their house, if it was your own place you could say more. Itās good advice get your own place.
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Have to agree with this sentiment.
Get your own place. Your house, your rules.
Otherwise, itās like the dumb guys who marry Taiwanese women and then go to live in their wifeās mother and fatherās house. Lame.
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I think you missed the point.
You shouldāve had a conversation with her, not tell her what you think and leave the room. You are back to square one.
You told her she is rude and selfish and you donāt like it. Donāt you think she knows that already? Of course she does! Donāt you think she does that on purpose? If course she does!
The point is that you should try to hear her and understand whatās going on in her mind. Donāt forget that you are the outsider. Surely her behavior is unacceptable, but it somehow makes sense in her 19yo mind. Come on, youāve been 19 once and you also thought you knew everything and everyone was against you.
Use your experience and try to guide her in a way to improve her behavior, instead of getting into a war inside your girlfriendās home.
You are not her dad, but she never had one and youāll be the closest thing to that if things go well with the Mom. Now, if you are not ready for that, get out of this relationship and let someone who can step in.
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Thanks
Let me just add a few things.
Iāve been in a similar situation. Having to deal with my fatherās gf. Sheās wonderful but I didnāt choose her but I still have to have some sort of relationship with someone I didnāt choose to have one with because sheās with my father. Thereās resentment with that. Not petulant resentment.
In the beginning she never offered me an invitation to get to know each other. I had to reach out. And did it for several occasions. She behaved IMO like I was an afterthought and that didnāt help.
I saw her as a threat to a position status/level of respect I believe I was to take on when my mom died. She probably had her own expectations considering she has never had kids.
We both had to navigate it and be mindful of each otherās expectations and practice ways to communicate that didnāt blow up.
You also might want to keep in mind that your expectations for her are based on your culture and hers on her life experience up to now, which is 19. Iām certain that youāve probably lived that age almost twice, so youāve had ample time to reassess what works with people and doesnāt.
She doesnāt have the right to dictate the terms of your relationship with her mom but you donāt get to dictate to her whatās appropriate or not as she grapples with your (foreign, no pun intended) presence. You have every right to be respected, but in this case you probably have to do more earning than you might want to. And earn trust. She might not trust anyone, except mom. Why should she trust you just because her mom is dating you? IJA
Relationships in Asian culture arenāt so interchangeable as they are in Western culture, imo. She didnāt choose her mom, but you did.
So, IMHO the onus is in you to bring a level of patience and peace above theirs because you entered their family not vice versa.
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I couldāt agree more.
Ivāe tried the talking as a adult she wonāt respond, 5 months Iāve been trying, the harder I try the more petulent she becomes. Saying to her mother she talks to me when "Sheāsā not around is not on!
Iāve dealt with the miserable Iām so cool teenager before, but this is stronger.
My son did it to his mother (after divorce), but with us both talking to him he responded in a good way, Iām now taking advice from him.
Sheās now said to the Aunt she doesnāt want the soft boiled eggs or baked sweet potato I make her take to college oh and her mums brownies also.
So Iām going on the back seat stop bothering.
I know itās hard for others to understand if not in the same situation and I may not have explained it well as I could have.
I appreciate all regards and comments.
Happy New Year.
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You are the one stepping on toes here.
Itās their house. If you are so upset with her behavior, marry her mom or find another place to crash while youāre in Taiwan.
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Five months of trying and no change can be frustrating.
Others advice about moving to your own place sounds good.
Good luck
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Yep move out to your own place is the only way at this time I think. Just imagine you were a kid (which is what she is) and then some strange guy/lady moved in and started taking your single parentās attention away. You are invading the only place she feels half comfortable I guess (in her eyes) . And she is already a bit screwed up so even more sensitive probably. Young people here in Taiwan can stay at home forā¦Well foreverā¦ in some cases . That is a fact.
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Soft boiled eggs and baked sweet potato. Who wouldnāt be lining up for that.
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This is important also I think if you are talking about commitments to each other.
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Iām not new to her, Iāve been visiting twice a year for 3 years.
Marriage is on the cards but iām worried it will freak her outā¦
Iām taking my sons advice sit back let her carry on. As he says donāt bother yourself trying, he knows having a stepfather and half sister.
Plus she will miss nice things she gets from me.
One minute she acts a cool laid back chick in the Hood, 5 minutes later sheās shouting like a child.
Iām not new to her, Iāve been visiting twice a year for 3 years.
For how long? Two weeks?
Plus she will miss nice things she gets from me.
Is this how you want to get good behavior? Thru financial manipulation? Sheāll never respect you when she figures out how the game is rigged. Even might take you for ride.
One minute she acts a cool laid back chick in the Hood, 5 minutes later sheās shouting like a child.
Sounds like a typical teenager in these times.
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This sounds like a line in a film
Yeah, this is like half of my kidās classmates