This is not an example of pyscho Xiao Nan, this species is aptly described here and we ALL have to deal with them sooner or later. 
Dealing with Tight-ass, Foreigner, Penny-pinching Lame-os
forumosa.com/taiwan/viewtopi ⌠&start=130
@domino, you do realize that there is a high probability that the guy you were dating reads things here⌠Probably by posting here, youâve ruined any chance of reconciliation. Anyway, it sounds like he was behaving in a passive aggressive manner.
Uhhh. The guys steals from women. Sounds like she dodged a bullet.
Could be. But it seems to me that the guy was finding an excuse to âbreak evenâ because he seems to be counting how much money he spent on her. Why is it sheâs always attracting the same types?
The only thing of interest is that this guy would not behave this way with someone he is not physically dominant over ie. a guy friend. Imagine if these 2 have slept together and heâs behaving this way⌠wow⌠I really want to see what they look like
Yes. âLove at first sightâ. For someone you donât know. And youâre somehow surprised you didnât get on.
A womanâs Pov: I never expect a loan back. Fuckwits borrow money. If a grown man needs to borrow such a tiny amount of money, then he has issues with planning and cause and effect. Iâd have distanced myself immediately. Yet Iâd probably have given him the money because it would be compassionate yet kind of condescending, therefore funny.
Demanding it back in two weeks was pretty cheap, unless youâre really struggling or something. But I guess he was hoping that youâd be too embarrassed to ask for it back.
You also sound a bit crazy, on the dirty laundry front âŚ
It does sound like he counted the money he spent on you and wanted to make it back to be evenâŚlolâŚsome tight arsed cheapskates on this island!
Am I the only one that thinks changing all the money into coins before paying someone back is crazy?
@Ermintrude, I asked for the money back in 2 weeks because I saw what he bought during the 2 weeks and those things werenât cheap. I understood he probably just ran out of cash that dayâŚbut when it happened again last weekend It upset me.
When I told him yesterday morning that I understood his money was low now (which I didnât actually believeâŚ), he could just pay me back when he has money again. the responses I got were âare you serious?â âholy f------ shitâ âare you trying to make me despise you?â âI want to vomit.â
we were talking on LINE and he literally just kept writing and writing⌠I read them but didnât know what to respond.
to that point I think I was still ok since it was just texting. later he texted me that he delivered the money to my security guardâs office, and then he blocked me on everything.
I finished work and came home, expecting to get two 1000nt billsâŚbut instead I got a whole box of 1 dollar coins. I totally flipped out when I saw that. he is 10+ years older than me with a professional well-paid jobâŚand he made that childish move with the money, so is the blocking on everything. Heâs blocked me and unblocked me quite a few times because of jealousy problem. (he said I was flirting with guys right in front of him, but I was just talking, there wasnât any touching or anything). I did notice that he was a little extreme after the first time he blocked meâŚbut didnât expect the whole thing to end like this.
Anyway, I was really upset receiving those coins last night. Thought about posting on my fb about the story but Iâd feel bad if people find out this side of him through my post, since heâs created a very positive image for himself on his profile as well as in real life. I just hope things would end with me not responding to his childish move. Iâm quite sure he doesnât come to this forum. work keeps him really busy. I posted 'cause I wanted to share this weird experience.
For which she must be very grateful, get down on her knees and with the biggest rock she can handle, hit her chest repeatedly saying: Thank you God for saving me from this jerk!
That is beyond cheap ass. He is fishing for someone to leech on. That is not proper behavior, foreigner or no foreigner. The guy was an ass**** of mighty proportions. We know many of that kind, who leech on anyone, woman or man around them, with excuses, while Living la vida loca at someone elseâs expense. Literally. That image of a nice person? That is the trap. We call this kind sanguijuelas, a step under gigolos, with excuses to those proper professionals who may find themselves insulted by the comparison.
He will justify himself saying that it was a joke. That is not funny, especially after that verbal abuse. Yes, dear, you have been abused. No one talks in such a demeaning manner to a friend. No one diminishes or makes a friend feel small. The texts were an insult -for which he could be liable at the court of law, as per local mores- but that act of coins is really beyond insulting and demeaning.
Cut this person out of your life. Do not feel guilty about it. This is a dangerous character and if you forgive this, worse things will happen. He will not be grateful for your concern. You have done nothing wrong. Run, dear, love yourself, take care of yourself. This person has shown his true colors. Know your worth. Do not put yourself in a dangerous situation with someone who is testing the waters to see how far he can get away with, and how low can you go.
[quote=âdominoâ]Am I the only one that thinks changing all the money into coins before paying someone back is crazy?
[/quote]
Iâm totally with you on this one 
Going to that kind of effort to âprove a pointâ (what point? Seriously!) puts him solidly into the âpsycho-xiaonanâ designation from my perspective. Heâs not just cheap. What he wrote to you on line takes this from lame-o cheap ass to âcannot deal with romantic relationships properly.â
Iâm with Erm though- if someone asks to borrow money, it usually means they donât have money skills in the first place. Unlikely that they would be able to pull themselves from deficit to surplus, which is what it would take to pay you back. I only give âloansâ if Iâm ok with the person not paying me back. Which means I generally donât give loans when people ask, but instead gifts when someone doesnât ask but I know theyâre struggling.
And as far as dating goes, people donât pay for you if they donât expect something out of it. EVERYTHING HAS A PRICE. As this guy demonstrated, thereâs a sort of metaphysical âweightâ that comes with paying for someone or exchanging money. I know a lot of people here are fine with the man paying more than the woman (especially if she earns less or is caring for their children) but I think that works for them because each partner has similar expectations about what they expect out of the relationship. If you have a âtraditionalâ money arrangement, expect a âtraditionalâ male/female relationship with all of the dominance and submission that that implies.
My boyfriend and I split everything 50/50. I love it. A drink on a night out costs 150-500nt and the knowledge that you now have some weird money energy between the two of you.
Knowing that you are capable of supporting yourself and behaving accordingly = PRICELESS.
He probably though you were cool and had a decent approach to the relationship and money. Then he found out you are a stingy penny counter so gave you it in 1 dollar coins as a sign of contempt for your small mindedness. Twenty dates in a month and a half is one hell of a lot. He must have spent waaaaay more than 2000nt on you. Yet you still say the food was mostly for him and you only had one drink eat time. And you moan that the dates werenât formally arranged. What do you want from this guy? That stuff all adds up. The guy also had money for a piano and you are bothering over practically nothing.
The relationship is fucked. You blew it. Now you are thinking of taking revenge on Facebook? Hmm, who is the psycho?
And men donât fall in love at first sight. They fall in lust.
âIâm Taiwanese and he is a foreigner.â Thatâs clue one to your issues. Where in the world is foreignerland exactly? Does he speak foreignerish? When you see your little island as the centre and everything else as foreign its going to be tough for you to date a non Taiwanese.
@domino, I suggest you take things slower with the next guy. 20+ dates in less than 2 months is a lot for someone you just met.
When you take things slower, you get more time to think clearly about the relationship rather than react to things that happen in your relationship.
I understand, but even if its only 1~2 hours each time? and its less than 20 times, not 20+.
We never got a whole day or even whole evening to hang out with each other. sometimes maybe just 30 min to 1 hour because of his working schedule. but I understand what you were saying.
[quote=âGryphonâ]@domino, I suggest you take things slower with the next guy. 20+ dates in less than 2 months is a lot for someone you just met.
When you take things slower, you get more time to think clearly about the relationship rather than react to things that happen in your relationship.[/quote]
The guy acted like a 5 year old having a tantrum. Sending abusive texts? Câmon people thats not how a proper functioning adult behaves, and going to the trouble of putting 2000NT to 1NT coins to make a point is childish in the extreme and you say heâs 10 years your senior? Block him, dont message him, donât meet him. Hes a complete tool and waste of your time.
Yes, the 1nt thingwas not even clever or funny. Heâs an idiot. But ⌠if youâd spent time getting to know him, instead of the âlove at first sightâ, passing notes juvenilia, youâd have known this.
But you also sound really cheap and kind of silly though, with the 20 dates thing. The guy was a stranger who had different values to you, or at least an income where dealing with a person who is going to flip about 2000 NT is going to be a hassle because itâs unequal. Why not figure out whether you like someone, before getting emotionally invested in them?
And donât, ferrchrissakes, start posting passive aggressive shit about it on Facebook. It devalues nobody but you. Itâs temtpting to snark on exes in public, especially when you think youâre right, but it makes you look obsessive and doesnât hurt him in any way. His friends and family will just assume youâre crazy and deserved it, your friends will just confirm your own thoughts about yourself, neither of which are helpful.
I understand. I did take it slowâŚI think I was just too easy to be convinced. When we first met I didnât think we were gonna develop anything serious, but he always talked about how he felt when he first saw me he knew he wanted me for life and not just a fling and all that. I guess I fell for these words. I did try to stay skeptical, I stayed only talking with him online at first for a while before we started going out. he did show me in some ways that he took me very seriously after we started going out. Next time I will keep this experience in mind.
In my first post here I said I wanted to post on fb because I was so angry receiving those coins. I didnt because I didnt want people to find out this side of him this way. He is a normal cool person with other friends and in public. I was very upset last night but I didnât want to make any more drama. The security staff already had a short conversation with me last night asking me why âmy friendâ paid back with all coins and why he had a shitty attitude when he dropped themâŚI felt really embarrassed.
People rarely change and they hardly ever learn. Just move on to the next guy and try again. Donât take it to heart. You will find your soul mate.
[quote=âdominoâ]I understand. I did take it slowâŚI think I was just too easy to be convinced. When we first met I didnât think we were gonna develop anything serious, but he always talked about how he felt when he first saw me he knew he wanted me for life and not just a fling and all that. I guess I fell for these words. I did try to stay skeptical, I stayed only talking with him online at first for a while before we started going out. he did show me in some ways that he took me very seriously after we started going out. Next time I will keep this experience in mind.
In my first post here I said I wanted to post on fb because I was so angry receiving those coins. I didnt because I didnt want people to find out this side of him this way. He is a normal cool person with other friends and in public. I was very upset last night but I didnât want to make any more drama. The security staff already had a short conversation with me last night asking me why âmy friendâ paid back with all coins and why he had a shitty attitude when he dropped themâŚI felt really embarrassed.[/quote]
He told you what you wanted to hear, dear. Those con man are specialists in sizing up people, reading people, and filling in the lines. Do not be so hard on yourself, just listen more, observe, watch for actions rather than words. You are probably not the only one and in the coming days or months youâll see his true face behind the mask, as his public image crumbles upon the weight of his actions.
Same with the coin incident. The one embarrassed should be him, acting so childishly. Just let the security people know this person is not welcome anymore. Bad enough he knows where you live.
Cut and more on. Next time, slow and steady. Keep cards to your chest.
[quote=âdominoâ]I understand. I did take it slowâŚI think I was just too easy to be convinced. When we first met I didnât think we were gonna develop anything serious, but he always talked about how he felt when he first saw me he knew he wanted me for life and not just a fling and all that. I guess I fell for these words. I did try to stay skeptical, I stayed only talking with him online at first for a while before we started going out. he did show me in some ways that he took me very seriously after we started going out. Next time I will keep this experience in mind.
In my first post here I said I wanted to post on fb because I was so angry receiving those coins. I didnt because I didnt want people to find out this side of him this way. He is a normal cool person with other friends and in public. I was very upset last night but I didnât want to make any more drama. The security staff already had a short conversation with me last night asking me why âmy friendâ paid back with all coins and why he had a shitty attitude when he dropped themâŚI felt really embarrassed.[/quote]
You just werenât compatible. Donât overthink it. you had different attitudes towards money: he thought you were petty and mean, you thought he was taking advantage of you. Neither of you are right, neither of you are wrong. Just let it go and look for someone with the same attitudes to yours.
He probably meant what he said about liking you, so donât feel duped. He just didnât know what you were like. He is probably feeling horribly disappointed too. He probably told a lot of people what an awful person you are too. But this is because you were incompatible and didnât really know each other, not because either of you is an awful person. Just shrug and let it go. At least you know now before you got more involved.
[quote=âErmintrudeâ]You just werenât compatible. Donât overthink it. you had different attitudes towards money: he thought you were petty and mean, you thought he was taking advantage of you. Neither of you are right, neither of you are wrong. Just let it go and look for someone with the same attitudes to yours.
He probably meant what he said about liking you, so donât feel duped. He just didnât know what you were like. He is probably feeling horribly disappointed too. He probably told a lot of people what an awful person you are too. But this is because you were incompatible and didnât really know each other, not because either of you is an awful person. Just shrug and let it go. At least you know now before you got more involved.[/quote]
Nope. This guy would not have dared to try the âmake me a loanâ lie to a guy friend. He just wouldnât, because the male friend can and would physically retaliate. Men would also be more assertive and spread the word to all their communal friends, he would not sit still in turmoil about it. This behavior simply doesnât even appear in his list of options when dealing with another guy. Itâs only with a female that he believes he can lie about a loan when he has no inclination of ever paying it back and get away with it.
Basically heâs an exploitative little worm, taking advantage of peopleâs weaknesses. I would LOVE to meet this guy and talk to him