Found your wifes stash of old letters and emails…what would you do?
Put them back and pretend I never saw them.
Read a couple, feel a bit guilty, then put them back and pretend it never happened.
Grab some popcorn and read them all - then carefuly put them away as to not arouse suspicion.
Put them away, but ask my wife about them later.
Read them and ask my wife about them.
Accidentaly throw them away or delete them (oops!)
0voters
If you were spring cleaning your apartment alone and came across a stash of letters, cards, etc (that belonged to your wife from a previous boy friend) would you read them? Would you talk to your wife about them?
How about archived emails and chat conversations on the computer? What if you stumbled upon a curious folder, opened it, and accidentally read what was inside and it was pretty juicy? Would you read them, delete them, or ask your wife about them?
Would it be fair for you to then be accused of being a snooper, invading personal privacy, invading personal space?
What are reasonable boundaries and rules as far as this stuff goes?
I’d really have to see some samples of this juicy writing in order to give an informed opinion. Can you scan and post a couple of the ones that you accidentally read?
I can’t really say because every relationship is different. My wife and I know pretty much everything there is to know about our previous intimate lives, so there’s really nothing left to hide (and their was nothing really juicy, anyway). However, some people are content to leave the past in the past and don’t mind being ignorant of what came before them in their partner’s life.
If I found a stash of old letters, I’d just ask my wife directly if I could read them. After all, we’re married and I can pretty much ask her anything. Perhaps if you were to do the same, your wife’s answer and the way she gives it will tell you far more than anything that you’d find in the letters.
The bigger question is, “How does it make you feel to find/read them?” Does the fact of knowing your wife had a past with someone else something that makes you uncomfortable? It shouldn’t, if you really love and trust her.
Let me clarify something. I already know what I would do, because I have already done it. I was a good husband and did my trustworthy husbandly duty by not reading any of them except for one archived email that I opened because it was a file with no name…cleaning the computer of rubbish and found it.
Pure chance should have it that while I was cleaning our apartment, I did find abox of old letters, etc today. Didn’t open a single one.
I am very curious though and will talk to her about them later tonight.
[quote=“tash”]I never get people with these dilemmas. On what planet is it ever OK to read your partner’s/friend’s/child’s/parent’s private anything?
After you’ve accidently seen them, and NOT read them, the only thing you have to decide is whether, how, when to talk to her about it.
Once you’ve been in a trusting relationship where you can talk about anything, it’s impossible to have it any other way.
And don’t tell me it’s a cultural thing. Trust and honesty can be valued by a Taiwanese woman just as much as any other nationality.[/quote]
I am not a parent…yet. But my wife and I were talking about this very issue the other night. How much privacy do you allow your children? Trust is important, but so is being a responsible parent. Kids, especially teenagers, don’t tell their parents everything. If your child got into trouble, hurt, or even died and later you found that those letters, emails, archived chats you didn’t read could have prevented that trouble, injury, or death…how would you feel?
This is probably an entirely different thread, but as a parnet where do you draw the line on personal privacy?
At best, you accidentally stumbled on the letters but then you read what was inside on purpose.
Oh, I would absolutely read everything that I could get my hands on, simply out of sheer curiosity. But I wouldn’t say a thing to her about it, nor would I judge her.
Quarters, regarding C.
I don’t think men and women are much different on this issue.
If you’re asking specifically “Do you want to know about your partner’s past?” then maybe there are some differences. It’s said that men care more about the past (i.e. They’d like to think their woman has never been with another man) and women care more about the future (i.e. He will never think about or look at another women for the rest of his life).
But if you’re asking “Would you look at your partner’s private things without them knowing” then I don’t think there’s any difference in how women or men see it.
And one more thing. A lot of people use “sumbling upon accidentaly” as an excuse. That’s the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard. Whether you seek it out or find it by accident makes absolutely NO difference.
[quote=“Quarters”]The reason why I posted this was
A: For entertainment reading
B: Out of curiosity of what you all would do
C: To get female opinions[/quote]
You should have put that in your original post! I just thought you were an idiot. Now you have clarified, I will reply.
Automatic break up. I’ve been spied on, and it hurt a lot. Even more so because I was stupid enough to get involved with that kind of person in the first place. Although I’ve let most of the other stuff go, I’ll never let the spying go. (in case you’re still lurking, freakboy…)
With any relationship, good fences make good neighbours. I would never share my computer. Separate log-ons, at least.
And she shouldn’t break her exes’ trust by showing you their emails. Stuff like that is private, even if you break up.
I am one of the 4 who would grab some popcorn.
What happened in the past is not the concern, but you might find things which could reinforce your current relation. Apart from being juicy (between the sheet - talk yeas?) there might be things to found that you were not aware of.
Anyway,I did stumbled on my GF past , found out she played around quite well before me and gain insight on her non-belive in true love anymore.
Those mails made me understand how to do better than the others from her past.
No guilt feelings as in a relation, there should be no secrets.
My SO is very open about her past, maybe too open at times and frankly I don’t need to know. We are both old enough that I respect she has a past but I would rather it stay back there. I of course tell her nothing but the bare minimum of my previous life
I would probably move her stash of letters for a while though just to find out whether she still reads them!
[quote=“tash”]Quarters, regarding C.
I don’t think men and women are much different on this issue.
If you’re asking specifically “Do you want to know about your partner’s past?” then maybe there are some differences. It’s said that men care more about the past (i.e. They’d like to think their woman has never been with another man) and women care more about the future (i.e. He will never think about or look at another women for the rest of his life).
But if you’re asking “Would you look at your partner’s private things without them knowing” then I don’t think there’s any difference in how women or men see it.
And one more thing. A lot of people use “sumbling upon accidentaly” as an excuse. That’s the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard. Whether you seek it out or find it by accident makes absolutely NO difference.[/quote]
Honestly it was all by chance…I wasnt looking. She actually told me to get onto her computer today and clean it up…delete old files, organize, stuff like that. Her computer has been running slow so she wanted some help. I found a folder marked only by “L”…I opened it and saw many many word pad documents with just numbers as names. I opened one and it was an archived email/chat conversation. I started to read…realized it was juicy and private…and promptly closed it.
She also asked that I clean up the apartment a bit. I was doing her laundry, noticed that her closet space had more room in the back, but it was occupied by an old beaten up box…I opened it to see if I could just throw it out. Saw a letter I gave her (recognized the postage and address on the envelope) started to dig deeper in the box and realized that it contained lots of letters from other people I dont know. I put it back without opening any.
See, I was good
I disagree somewhat with you on the men and women thing. Sure many would feel the same. But for me…I’m married now, anything I havent already told my wife is fair game for her to read if she stumbles upon any old letters of mine (which I have none) got rid of all my old stuff before getting married. Our relationship is open anyways…we talk about our pasts all the time.
But I really think that everyone - no matter the gender, would be curious and tempted to read those letters, emails. and such. It doesnt really matter the gender, but the will power to respect privacy that matters.
Me three. The only reason I wouldn’t let someone read my stuff is because how they’d react. Example: “He does WHAT to three-legged chickens in the light of a full moon?!?” I’d read them until they were no longer entertaining. Then I’d tell her I found her letters and read them, and I’d laugh at the funny parts again.
Then she just possibly might drop kick me and I would be forced to counter with a rear-naked choke (until she went to sleep.) Upon waking I’d tell her to make me a sandwich and all would be well in the universe.
[quote=“Buttercup”]With any relationship, good fences make good neighbours. I would never share my computer. Separate log-ons, at least.
And she shouldn’t break her exes’ trust by showing you their emails. Stuff like that is private, even if you break up.[/quote]Yes, yes, yes. Don’t live in the past, but don’t junk it.
Would I have read the letters? No. The email? Doh! Busted. I have done that (way back when). Bad! BAD! Entertaining as hell, but…
