I’ve known this Taiwanese girl for about 4 years now. We met in the US then dated in Taiwan. She lives with her sisters, her brother (who are all in their mid to late 20s), and their parents, all in one home. She is catholic and has a curfew at 9pm (her mom calls her at this time every day to ask her to go back home)… which means very little alone time. I visited their family a few times (Chinese new year dinner, which is supposed to be a serious thing?, mooncake making, and few other times), and they seem like an alright bunch. Problem is that she is approaching 30 and still living with her parents.
I haven’t really thought about marriage, I need to live with someone a few years before that even comes up on my mind since there’s so much more you find out about the other person… but with her catholic background and close knit family I’m not sure whether it’s considered okay for her to move out unless it’s after marriage. I brought it up once casually and her mom says it’s better to wait until after marriage. I’m her first relationship. We have only been alone together for more than a day during two trips in 4 years.
Since corona hit we’ve been apart but keeping in touch online. Should I just break it off or approach the situation in another way? Maybe I’m missing some signals here? I really think two people should live together for a while before even being considered to be in a serious relationship.
Are you able to move to Taiwan and ask her to make a step forward and move with you, at least for part of the week?
For example the weekend, or the working days if your home happen to be closer to her Uni/Place of work.
If she says no, I will simply break up.
Cultural differences + differences in life values due to an over-religious family + the fact that in 4 years you never had something that resemble a real relationship (not having done a single proper holiday or spend more than 2 days together in 4 year is not a relationship) will only complicate things in future.
A lot of effort for no return, and always look at others and thinking “Why they can do this, while I have to do 10000 effort for the same”.
Finding a girl in Taiwan is extremely easy (but it is true that finding a good one is probably not, as everywhere in the World) - so since you are still young I guess, around 30, it is the right time to go out and have some serious dating. You’ll find the right one.
I’ll try that later this year when I make it back to Taiwan.
We were dating casually for two years, things got a little more serious for a year, then she had a bunch of different job changes and became very busy with work (and as was I), then corona hit, so that’s where I am today… was hoping we’d move in together last year but it didn’t happen.
Relationships should be easy, natural and somehow linear - when too many things are blocking them to happen and complicate them, specially things which are not external obstacles such as in your case (nothing stops her from doing that, she simply does not want because of culture/religion/family/whatever) - it is always better to pull the plug earlier than later.
In 2020 a guy in the 25-40 age is completely in his prime, so you won’t have any issues.
Good luck to you guys, hopefully it will work out if you happen to move back
Sorry I worded that wrong! I mean there have only been two trips, where we were together alone for more than 1 day at a time. Every other time when we’re in Taipei she has a curfew.
Thanks for the clarification, but kind of the same.
This is something that is not normal if you guys are over 24-25, so it is a kind of a red alarm that should not be overlook or underestimated.
