No. You’re thinking about “manatee”
You are projecting your western culture onto her.
Yes it is completely normal for a Taiwanese approaching 30s or even 40s to be living with their parents. And no it does not mean they are momma boys or girls. They likely have a regular job and live at home to save money, or they have to take care of their parents as they’re getting old. This is part of the reason why wage for younger people is so low. It is also common for Taiwanese to support their parents with their income.
If this is a big problem for you then it needs to be out there, or perhaps you should date a more western woman? But in the Taiwanese culture it is not only normal, it is often expected. Unlike the US, parental/familial responsibility does NOT end at 18. It is lifelong.
Did you ever ask her to move in or talked about the idea?
Don’t listen to @keoni, man. He’s just trying to psych you out. Now let me get back to my manatee for some afternoon delight…
She make take offense to that.
You might think “you need to be independent from your mom, go free, etc.”.
To her it says “You want me to abandon my mom? Who do you think you are?”
To anyone who is dating a Taiwanese man or woman: Get to know their parents, and develop a good relationship with them. If you can’t then the relationship will not work.
So?
You have to risk offending someone if you are to make your point. If she doesn’t get it, why should he have to compromise on his values? They just aren’t compatible if that’s the case.
This is what I mean, either compromise or go date someone else.
But what the OP describes is completely normal in Taiwan.
I know Taiwanese who has to take care of their parents, like spending 30,000NTD paying for their care. I myself don’t understand it but to him/her it’s a duty. It comes with the territory. So if it’s a problem then don’t date a Taiwanese.
Is it better to force your partner to abandon her value vs. you abandoning yours? Or a compromise worked out? Or simply just don’t date anyone with that value.
What he said.
That is why I say there is a communication gap, a cultural gap, to solve.
Anyways, when a woman says there is no problem… there is a big problem, no matter the culture.
He does not even know if they are compatible because there is a big communication problem.
So what is she supposed to say if there is no problem?
I been called a lot of things but El Diablo??? Arrgh !
when there is no problem you don’t hear of it. when there is you do.
This is what I mean, either compromise or go date someone else.
But what the OP describes is completely normal in Taiwan.
I know Taiwanese who has to take care of their parents, like spending 30,000NTD paying for their care. I myself don’t understand it but to him/her it’s a duty. It comes with the territory. So if it’s a problem then don’t date a Taiwanese.
Is it better to force your partner to abandon her value vs. you abandoning yours? Or a compromise worked out? Or simply just don’t date anyone with that value.
I think you (metaphorically ) can’t change anything so you can either deal with it or deal yourself out.
So what is she supposed to say if there is no problem?
She finds a new problem and complains about that. There’s always a problem.
Oh she’ll let you know all right.
Also something else I noticed - not sure what it means. Every time I visited her home recently for family gatherings, we’d eat dinner, lunch or something together, then everyone except her mom would retreat back into their rooms to “rest” and I’d chat random stuff with her mom. After a bit when I have to leave, sometimes I’d say maybe I should say bye to the others, but her mom always says they’re resting, so I just leave and say bye to her mom. I am not sure why they’d be resting right after dinner. Is this a common thing or is it just a sign that I should leave sooner since they need their privacy?
This part is weird. Does the mom enjoy talking to you one on one or is she just trying to get you to leave?.
So after a meal, the girl just goes to her room and you just chill with mom until she bores you into leaving?
You try to say goodbye but mom is like, nah, she’s tired?
I mean no disrespect here, and may have missed it in the thread somewhere … Although it seems like it is self evident, how do the 2 of you, you know? Get busy? If you have no time together alone, do you guys go to love hotels? Or has this not happened yet?
If this hasn’t happened yet, this is another huge red flag in my mind. But that is just me.
You are projecting your western culture onto her.
Yes it is completely normal for a Taiwanese approaching 30s or even 40s to be living with their parents. And no it does not mean they are momma boys or girls. They likely have a regular job and live at home to save money, or they have to take care of their parents as they’re getting old. This is part of the reason why wage for younger people is so low. It is also common for Taiwanese to support their parents with their income.
If this is a big problem for you then it needs to be out there, or perhaps you should date a more western woman? But in the Taiwanese culture it is not only normal, it is often expected. Unlike the US, parental/familial responsibility does NOT end at 18. It is lifelong.
This. OP, please read this repeatedly until you understand. @Taiwan_Luthiers hit the nail on the head in one post. It doesn’t matter how many times you need to re-read. Feel free to ask us if you don’t understand any part.