Taiwanese guys (as friends for foreign guys?)

Life Dating & Relationships
1

Okay, excuse my ignorance, but this is the way it seems to me. First off I came to Taiwan to experience a new culture, learn a new language and make some new friends. Now I have no problem with making friends and I have loads of foreign friends. BUT, what about the Taiwanese guys?? The girls are always keen to talk to you, and their English (if your Chinese is shiite like mine) is usually passable.

However, the only Taiwanese guys that ever engage you in conversation are either 12 years old or 55 years old. What’s up with that? The guys my age (between 25 and 35) are either married (read at home), or they sit sullenly at the bar and don’t easily engage in conversation.

I would like nothing more than to make friends with a few local guys and get involved in a few more local activities (I’m not adverse to trying my hand at speaking Mandarin more). ` But how to get past this language (cultural?) barrier with the guys in the 25 to 35 year old age range?

2

why?

like Y would U want to talk to guys? :loco:

3

This question has poppped up time and again since living here. I don’t want to slip into generalizations but I have also found it impossible to make male friends here. Most men of my age, early thirties, either seem too busy at work (poor bastards :blush:) , too into their girlfriends, or too mothered to the extent of being completely socially inept. (Would you want to make friends with the last type?)

Except for adult students, I can honestly say that I’ve never had a good conversation with a local male. I’d love to get to know a few local men, but it never gets past the “Where are you from?, you’re a teacher, right” stage. I even get this from my girlfriend’s colleagues, most I have known 18 months or so. It’s puzzling isn’t it?

I speak enough Chinese to hold a reasonable conversation, but never get the chance to actually practise it with men. What is interesting is that when I raised this question with a couple of female collegues they told me that they weren’t surprised in the least, and that I’m not missing anything by not having male friends. Eh? I know they weren’t trying to make me feel better (I’ve known them long enough for that), or superior in any way, it’s just the truth.

So, I guess we have to put it down to the shyness of talking to other men or the fact that they are just so overworked that they don’t get a chance to make new friends either. Or is it a cultural thing, a barrier, which we are unaware of? Which ever way, It’s a strange one. And a question that may go unanswered…

L

:smiley:

4

Good topic Bis.

I do have a couple of male TW friends. 3 are good friends of my g/f’s and 1 is a colleague. I guess I could count my g/f’s brother as a friend too, even tho communication is erm, slight.

But you are right. Guys take their jobs more seriously, or their families. They don’t seem to be overly interested in socializing with salami schnozzes. Then again, their are the overtly friendly ones who are always quick with a betelnut and a smoke. Gawd I love that red laugh.

[quote=“webdoctors”]why?

like Y would U want to talk to guys? :loco:[/quote]

Webdoctors, methinks you doth protest too much. Let’s have a good look at your HetCard please. Awww, just as I suspected. Beneath all that black is a rainbow struggling to shine. You go girl.

5

I have one good male Taiwanese friend. In six years I have yet to make another close to my own age. :s

I’d like to, but I’m not into a drinkin’ and a whorin’ :wink:

6

I’ve had no trouble making male friends in the 23-40 range, although they tend to be around less after marriage. But this is facilitated by working in offices where everyone is local, so there’s plenty of non-bar, non-classroom, and lunchtime opportunities to get to know them.

Just like meeting girls, as an old pal Stuart once said, it’s a numbers game. Spend more time in places where single folks hang out, and you’ll meet more, and some will be willing to make friends. Go find some playing hoops, and ask to join. Go to college campuses and parks, to find the ones with more time on their hand. Approach groups and chat. I’ve always gotten positive feedback from this. Join some local clubs, take some classes, and so on. Take an active role in inviting them to activities, hiking, etc… Good luck!

7

Some kind of inferiority complex maybe? Jealous that you might incringe on their snagging some bitches and hoes? Afraid that their curiosity about the size of a foreigner’s genitalia makes them less of a man or homosexual? Or maybe like one of the above posters said, they have absolutely no social skills whatsoever?

I have no trouble making friends with Taiwanese guys … but that could be because I’m gay … :rainbow:

8

I’ve always thought it disappointing that I don’t have any male Taiwanese friends.

But when I think about it, I think it’s because of what I want from my male firends. I usually want to hang out (cafes, pubs or wherever) just chatting about a whole lot of bullshit - but that’s mostly stuff that’s culturally specific or joking and stuff that really requires a very high level of language skill. My Chinese skills or the English skills of the cast majority fo Taiwanese are just not up to the kind of conversations I want from male friends, unfortunately.

brian

9

I would think to hang out with Taiwanese guys, one would have to do something that somewhat distracts the conversation (if you feel it may be limited) from when Bart Simpson put a flaming bag of dog poo on Skinner’s porch. Go hiking or fishing in a swimming pool, just don’t go to a bar and sit down.

As my Mom would say, “Go make friends!”

10

[quote=“LittleBuddhaTW”]
I have no trouble making friends with Taiwanese guys … but that could be because I’m gay … :rainbow:[/quote]

Yeah… me too!

In the past I’ve felt that that many straight men even in Europe seemed to me to be quite isolated socially. It may be a stereotype but they don’t seem to have many friends.

I think if you move to a new place, especially after the age of 25 or so, you tend to make a circle of friends of people like yourself. I have lots of Taiwanese friends but comparatively few straight friends (male or female) in Taiwan. On the other hand my oldest and closest friends ‘back home’ are straight men. In Taiwan we just don’t seem to move in the same circles.

As others have said… It also seems as if ‘foreigners’ like to meet, drink socially and chew the fat without the aid of karaoke, drinking games, majong, playing cards or going to the hot springs. I think (straight) Taiwanese guys are just not as into that mode of unstructured ‘hanging out’.

This last observation was put to my by a straight, male Taiwanese friend. I suggested we get together for a drink and he said ‘But what would we do to pass the time? We Taiwanese think just drinking and chatting is boring.’ Do we call that poor social skills? Or is it just different?

11

Suggestions for making Taiwanese male friends (hey, you gotta do some work too…friends don’t flock to you):

-Learn to play drinking games. Adult Taiwanese males love playing drinking games that involve stone, paper, scissor movements.

-Learn to love KTV, it’s the national sport.

12

I’ve thought about this question a lot over the years. I have played hundreds of pick-up hoop games in Taiwan, many where I was the only foreigner playing. Only once did I ever do anything outside of hoops with any of these guys. We went to a “hostess” KTV where these guys got shit-faced and groped the “hostesses.” They all seemed to be having a great time. I enjoy a good drinking session and love a good grope, but I found the hostess thing to be kind of sleazy. They kept asking me, “Aren’t these girls beautiful?” And, I kept replying, “Yes, but they are paid to be here.” They never understood my answer and I could never understand how they could enjoy the company of paid hostesses.

Most Taiwanese guys I have met tend to be one extreme or the other. They are either stay-at-home goody goodies or hostess groping drunks. I lie somewhere in the middle and prefer the company of others in the middle.

13

[quote=“The Gumper”]Good topic Bis.

[quote=“webdoctors”]why?

like Y would U want to talk to guys? :loco:[/quote]

Webdoctors, methinks you doth protest too much. Let’s have a good look at your HetCard please. Awww, just as I suspected. Beneath all that black is a rainbow struggling to shine. You go girl.[/quote]

I should’ve clarified that, Y would U want to talk to TW guys?

In my personal experiences, I have found them to be as the OP has stated, boring. If I was back home, sure it’d be great to chill wid guys too , maybe I’d talk to dem and ask em if they wanna play soccer or something, but…here I find their activities to be lame IMHO. I dont chew betel nutz and I dont do KTV or mahjong.

Back home I just spend hours wid my friends joking about world events, or the differences between cultures, I doubt I could do da same here.

14

[quote=“webdoctors”][quote=“The Gumper”]Good topic Bis.

[quote=“webdoctors”]why?

like Y would U want to talk to guys? :loco:[/quote]

Webdoctors, methinks you doth protest too much. Let’s have a good look at your HetCard please. Awww, just as I suspected. Beneath all that black is a rainbow struggling to shine. You go girl.[/quote]

I should’ve clarified that, Y would U want to talk to TW guys?

In my personal experiences, I have found them to be as the OP has stated, boring. If I was back home, sure it’d be great to chill wid guys too , maybe I’d talk to dem and ask em if they wanna play soccer or something, but…here I find their activities to be lame IMHO. I don’t chew betel nutz and I don’t do KTV or mahjong.

Back home I just spend hours wid my friends joking about world events, or the differences between cultures, I doubt I could do da same here.[/quote]

Ahhh…I see.

Hey, here’s an idea. Maybe you could get some Tw dude to give ya da English lessons.

Just joshin’ ya. I get your point too. It is difficult but not impossible. I find if the language barrier is removed, there is plenty to talk about. I have one friend, (listen up LBTW&D, he plays on your team :wink: :wink: ) who I adore talking to. He is a childhood friend of the DNS and from the first time I met him, we’ve been shoulders down, hunkered in conversation about everything whenever we meet. Highly intelligent guy, amazing language skills, great to talk to.

Some private clients too. It seems wrong to take $$$$ off of them because I like and admire their POV so much. So, I don’t teach privately anymore.

No, I think if you put out a little effort in this direction, you’d discover a band of brothers in no time. Like XioaJies, there are just so many to choose from. And like PXJs, just as easy to pass up.

Okay, I am rambling. Off to the couch.

Nite all.

15

met a great taiwanese friend the first night i was here - still have lots to talk about after seven years …

both teach english, so different methods/activities.

lots about tea and teapots.

more about jade and ancient chinese artifacts (jeez i’ve learned a lot, mostly that i know so little).

he helped with the g/f (now wife) during troubled times.

boozing if that was the call.

he’s not much for sports though … good thing i’ve got other friends for that.

16

hmmm…some interesting responses. I’ve had similiar experiences with making friends here…hence my thread. Glad to see I’m not the only one.

Met one nice outgouing guy at a stage and we started becoming pretty good friends. But then he just dissappeared off the radar. I suspect his girlfriend started to get more serious and didn’t want him going out to the pub anymore.

I reckon I should just take it as it comes. Join more activities and see what happens. At least I have other friends to mingle with, but it would be nice to see the other side from the male perspective…

17

I am a Taiwanese male and I will try to answer this question. Most Taiwanese males don’t make friends with total strangers, whether foreign or local.

In the western culture, guys will go to a bar/pub and chat with strangers around them.

This won’t happen here in Taiwan.

Taiwanese males usually make friends through some “certified” connections (business or other friends’ introduction…)

As for relationships between straight male/female, gay male/male, lesbian female/female, that’s a different story.

There’re always some exceptions.

For example, Taiwanese males will make friends through some “special-interest” websites/communities, pretty much like what we do here in Forumosa.

Hope this helps.

18

[quote=“The Gumper”] I have one friend, (listen up LBTW&D, he plays on your team :wink: :wink: ) who I adore talking to. He is a childhood friend of the DNS and from the first time I met him, we’ve been shoulders down, hunkered in conversation about everything whenever we meet. Highly intelligent guy, amazing language skills, great to talk to.
[/quote]

Isn’t that pretty much what LittleBuddhaTW and I said? Gay Taiwanese guys = interesting, easy to make friends with and generally faaaabulous. :wink: Straight ones, not so much! :laughing: :wink:

19

[quote=“dreamer”][quote=“The Gumper”] I have one friend, (listen up LBTW&D, he plays on your team :wink: :wink: ) who I adore talking to. He is a childhood friend of the DNS and from the first time I met him, we’ve been shoulders down, hunkered in conversation about everything whenever we meet. Highly intelligent guy, amazing language skills, great to talk to.
[/quote]

Isn’t that pretty much what LittleBuddhaTW and I said? Gay Taiwanese guys = interesting, easy to make friends with and generally faaaabulous. :wink: Straight ones, not so much! :laughing: :wink:[/quote]

But straight big noses are the cat’s meow, right?

20

Chatting with the born-and-raised-in-Taiwan Taiwanese men, the straight ones seem very homophobic.

The other day I asked one guy, “Hey, do you have any non-Taiwanese friends, man?”
He said, “No. Why?”
I said, “Well, you just told me your friends only go to KTV but you want to go play tennis and go rock climbing. So you could ask non-Taiwanese men to do stuff like that. Many North American men like outdoorsy stuff.”
He said, “No way! I’m not gay!”
I said, “How does that make you gay? By playing tennis with another man?”
He said, “I’m not going to just ask a guy in a bar if he wants to play tennis. He’ll think I’m gay.”

This was one conversation out of many with different people. Even the ones in their early 20s said crap like this. But then again, I only chat with 30 or so born-and-raised-in-Taiwan Taiwanese men on a regular basis, so that’s not even a reflection of Taiwanese men at all.