I’m a Korean girl dating a Taiwanese guy for 3 years. His parents only met me once and they have decided that they do not like me because I’m not Taiwanese! They are very mean to me. THey do not want to meet me or want anything to do with me. THey don’t even know me! My boyfriend and I have struggled with this…we were planning to get married in 2 years but it’s been very stressful. And now he’s not sure what he wants to do…he feels it wont work out in the future because of all the difficult situations. He doesn’t live at home so it’s hard for me to see his parents or even try to get to know them! I’ve tried everything! I buy them gifts on holidays and you know what they do?! THey accept it…eat the cakes, drink the teas…and then they’re rude about me! They haven’t been rude necessarily to my face except a nasty note they left on my car!! But other than that they just talk about me and recently they didn’t show up to a huge family event JUST because I went!
Please help me! I need some advice and suggestions! How do I get them to know me? WHat do I do? Or do I just give up? Are Taiwanese parents this mean usually? And stubborn?
My friends have all been with Taiwanese guys and not 1 of them have had a problem! I feel so unlucky to have met a family who is narrow-minded and ridiculous!
Yes. Taiwanese parents hate everyone. I heard about one parent who disapproved of a guy their daughter liked because “his eyes were too big and too far apart”. :loco:
I think this basically boils down to the issue of respect for elders. In most countries, respect must be earned. Here, you can just wait 30 years, and hey presto, you’ve got a whole load of young people kowtowing to you, even if you’re still the same uneducated, opinionated, self-centred brat that you were when you were a teenager.
There are really only three possible solutions: your BF tells his parents to stop acting like spoiled three-year-olds, you move elsewhere and avoid all contact with them, or you break up. Personally, I would be inclined to turn up uninvited at some family gathering, give them all an extended lecture on what a bunch of backward, selfish old farts they were, and then walk away from it all. Obviously, that’s not easy to do when you’re emotionally invested.
btw, I suggest you don’t send them gifts until they grow up. If they refuse to show you respect, creeping around them will just make things worse. You can’t win people over that way.
hang in there, they will come around. Its quite typical and you dont even have to be non taiwanese to get that treatment. GIve them a baby and all will change
There’s always some work to be done in winning over the in-laws, but some Taiwanese parents just expect you to always be their little b*tch. They string you along with the faint possibility of them liking you one day, but in their hearts they know it will never happen. Taiwanese soap operas, while sickeningly over-dramatic, love to emphasize the mother abusing her daughter-in-law theme for a reason.
Right now, it comes down to your boyfriend and whether or not he’s willing to stand up for you or to just tell you to tolerate his parents’ crap more and keep trying to win them over. If the former, great; if the latter, you’re in for a lifetime of unhappiness and should seriously consider ending the relationship. That’s really all there is to it.
Don’t listen to anyone who tells you that things will get better and to just rough it out a bit longer. That’s like a drug addict telling you he’s going to quit tomorrow and to just give him some more time. Never happens.
In my experience, the best course of action is for your boyfriend to explain firmly to his parents that he loves you, that he’s going to marry you soon, and that the least they can do is act civil to his wife. In the meantime, you need to stop trying to please them because they’ll sense your desperation and just abuse that to no end. Perform the normal social courtesies and such, but nothing more until you receive something in return. Let his parents save face by not showing open hostility even if things turn bad and let your boyfriend do all the hard work. They are his parents, after all, and it’ll be much easier for them to admit they were wrong to their own son than to you, an outsider.
If he can’t do that, well, I think a woman should be with a man who’ll stand up for her, whether it’s a stranger on the street or his parents at home.
If your man is man enough you can marry him. If he loves you he will handle it. Them not liking is great in many ways. You do not get dragged to all kinds of family events that you may not want to attend. And your husband may not want to attend either.
My sister objected to her son marrying someone who was divorced and had a child (very unreasonable of her i believe). But he did it anyway and they have come around to accept that. It took several years. She has provided them with a lot of financial support. But she refused to throw a big wedding for them. Which was a big loss as you know how weddings make money.
But years later, the couple are still together. She never attends any family events and she couldnt care less. Shes taiwanese as well.
So it can work. The main thing is how much do you love each other. If you do? Dont let any get in the way !!
Don’t waste any more money on mangoes at 49NT/jin. Your problem is easily fixed.
Boyfriend: Mom, Dad, can we talk? I think I might be gay. Ya see, the only woman I feel sexually attracted to is JoLoves07, and . . .
Mom and Dad: Why don’t you marry her?! Move quickly, Son! Don’t let our cherished JoLoves07 get away! Let me tell you, I have always liked JoLoves07. You will find no finer woman than her. Stop looking! Grab her!
Thank you so much for all the advice! Any suggestions on how to remotely get to know these people? I have a difficult time accepting that it’s such a ridiculous reason! If they meet me and they didn’t like me for my personality or something then ok…so be it! But I can’t change my race? I was even considering taking up Chinese classes! The sad thing is that I love him so much I’m having a hard time letting it go.
Maybe I’ll figure it out soon…but it’s good to hear that it’s not completely abnormal and that some traditional taiwanese parents are loonie toonies!
It’s hard to express my anger and frustration towards my bf because it’s his parents and I don’t want to talk negative about them. So, it’s nice to be able to discuss it with all of you guys!
[quote=“JoLoves07”]Thank you so much for all the advice! Any suggestions on how to remotely get to know these people? I have a difficult time accepting that it’s such a ridiculous reason! If they meet me and they didn’t like me for my personality or something then ok…so be it! But I can’t change my race? I was even considering taking up Chinese classes! The sad thing is that I love him so much I’m having a hard time letting it go.
Maybe I’ll figure it out soon…but it’s good to hear that it’s not completely abnormal and that some traditional taiwanese parents are loonie toonies!
It’s hard to express my anger and frustration towards my bf because it’s his parents and I don’t want to talk negative about them. So, it’s nice to be able to discuss it with all of you guys![/quote]
dont worry bout the family . Thats the reason a LOT of taiwanese ladies keep their BF secret from their families until they are ready to marry. IF you love each other, full speeed ahead ! Dam the torpedoes.
[quote=“JoLoves07”]And now he’s not sure what he wants to do…he feels it wont work out in the future because of all the difficult situations.[…]
My friends have all been with Taiwanese guys and not 1 of them have had a problem! I feel so unlucky to have met a family who is narrow-minded and ridiculous!
Help![/quote]
You seem like you’re willing to bend over backwards for this to work, but the bf does not.
Did his parents actually indicate they don’t like you because of your nationality? It could be a whole lot of other reasons…maybe they think you’re too old to bear them grandchildren, maybe they think your face has bad fongshui, maybe they’re afraid you’ll take their precious boy to Korea and they’ll never see him again, maybe they assume you eat kimchee all day and your body is too “hot,” could be anything.
So, if possible, try to find out exactly what they think it is about you that they find objectionable. If they’re truly of the traditional, shame-based mindset, they may be incapable of expressing a direct and honest answer.
Most likely, though, is they don’t like you for some stupid, illogical reason that you’ll never be able to rectify.
In Taiwan Love does not conquer all. Taiwanese parents with their family and the local courts on their side do.
This is an important test for your BF. If he caves in to the pressure of his parents now-he would only do it again in the future after you are married. It’s your BF’s problem and if he doesn’t decide to tell his parents to shove off then they are doing you a favor and you should break off from him.
Taiwanese parents aren’t any different than Korean ones. Just imagine a Korean girl telling her parents she is going to marry a black man or a Japanese guy. This is the situation you are in.
And do you really want your future children around such backward and racist people?
Hey, I don’t think they will not like you, because you are even trying to find a solution here on the internet.
As mentioned before, the best way is talking to them clearly. Your boy should try to get them calm and try to talk nicely. I had the same problem with my gf’s parents,especially mom. They are mainly afraid of financial issues.
To let you know, they will not stop worrying or think that you are not suitable until they are really sure that you are the right and you guys will be happy. But, I know, they dont even give you that chance to let them know you guys will be happy. I totally understand you.
Here is my suggestion. Ask your boyfriend to talk to them. But he needs to keep them calm ALL THE TIME. Whenever they try to tell something loudly or aggressive, he needs to tell them to keep calm. Then he should explain everything clearly. Clearly that you guys will be happy and their those behaviors make HIM sad, not only you. Even they do not care you, they absolutely care their son (this is the reason why they are going too naughty). He can explain your plans, he is happy with you, he feels so good… He should also remind them everytime they act like that, he is so sad and he can kindly ask them to get calm whenever they are going agressive. the most important point is here; he is HAPPY with you, and SAD with their attitude.
I am not sure if it sounds good enough but that may help you I hope
Seems Kpop has become quite a trend with the young of Taiwan today. And Korea is on its way to becoming thought of as another Japan. I think a lot of Taiwanese still feel Korea is inferior to Japan and inferior to Taiwan. There is a certain level of competition Korea - vs - Taiwan.
I dont think theres any real aggression or bad feeling towards Korea by the average Taiwanese though.
I think the average TAiwanese would be curious of any Koreans they meet in Taiwan and would be friendly towards them.
My Mom (Taiwanese) very much liked my Korean classmate in high school who hung out with me daily for a few weeks after we graduated and before she left for the US for college. And while being actively critical of any and all of my Taiwanese girlfriends.
Thinking back, I think that she may have been the one I shouldve hung on to. The one that got away !
Taiwanese people think they don’t like Koreans. I think it’s because the two countries are so similar. For example, lots of Taiwanese were outraged by supposed Korean cheating in the World Cup. And then there was the Taekwondo disqualification that was blamed on the Koreans. There’s a fair amount of stereotyping Koreans as boorish and hard drinking and a general sense that Koreans are somehow low class.
That said, I don’t think there is any real deep animosity towards Koreans. No one gets beat up for being Korean. And Korean soaps and fashion are popular. A lot of Taiwanese parents just don’t like their sons to marry foreigners because they are afraid they will leave or they won;t get to see their grandkids.
Isn’t that the same with Korean parents? They only wanted their Korean daughter or son to marry Koreans. I am from the states and it is like that over there. Not to mention Koreans only want to hang out with Koreans, plus they know I don’t speak Korean but they still keep on speaking it when I have lunch and dinner with them. One time I went to a Korean organization when I was in college and when I said I am from Taiwan everybody just stared at me, how odd, when I went to other organizations they don’t care. Not to mention Koreans get very nationalistic when it comes to everything, we use to have basketball tournament every summer and everytime we play against Koreans they are very dirty, one time they elbowed me in the head and put me out just because they were losing, I guess they can’t stand to lose they will use any dirty trick out there. I would understand if my team is call Taiwan Basketball Team, but we are not, we are made up of international people, White, Indian, Cantonese, Vietnamese and me Taiwanese. I can’t say that for every Korean though, I’ve met Koreans that do no like their own culture.
I think this is a case of India and Pakistan, there is really no resolution, Taiwan and Korea just hate each other. I guess you just met parents with deep Taiwan national pride. If you really want to know why these past 10 years it has gotten worse I can list them out for you.
Don’t be so upset, there are plenty of other guys in Taiwan and parents that are not like. My parents use Samsung and LG, especially my dad, he says they are not very expensive and quality is not bad. I guess we are different because we are Americanized or westernized but people who live here all their lives are a bit different.
I came back to Taiwan 4 years ago and over these times I still don’t feel like I am used to it. I think people are rude here, bunch of tattoo small time gangsters, people spitting beetle nut while riding moped and it gets in your face sometimes, smoke on moped and ash goes in your eyes…etc. but what can I say, like they say, you just have to experience the culture even if it is bad culture sometimes.
I’m actually from the states and my bf and I are very americanized. It’s just his parents who are very traditional. I was curious on what the thoughts were…
Koreans of course have their own ideas on other races and think they are superior too…it’s all very interesting.
I wanted to understand why his parents would think it’s SOOO awful to be with a Korean…that’s all.
But you’re right…Korean parents are the same way. Guess I’ve never been on this end of the relationship before. And with my bf being the youngest…it’s difficult to get them to listen at all. He has no effect on them when he tries to talk to them.
It’s almost like they’re more angry that he wont just do what they tell him to do.
Have you guys heard of that book that Tiger mom wrote? Well, I think my bf’s mom is all about that way of parenting.
:loco:
Too much to deal with… I feel so unlucky to be in love with someone with these kind of parents… sigh
I think Taiwanese people are actually quite fascinated with Korean culture right now. K-pop dominates the airwaves, Korean soap operas are all the craze on TV, and all the clothing stores these days are claiming to have authentic merchandise from Korea. Japan’s seriously being contended for its throne.
But while the culture may be mesmerizing, Taiwanese people tend to have some negative views of Korean people, mostly that they’re overly nationalistic with a superiority complex, they’re cold and rude, and they cheat their way to victory. Sometimes it’s just jealousy, like how some Taiwanese people refuse to buy Samsung for the simple fact that its fairing better than HTC. Other times it’s just misunderstanding.
At the end of the day though, I think those negative views are just superficial and easily changed once they get to know a Korean person.
