Me and my TW gal were sitting at the bar of the local pub one night and she was eating pretzels or peanuts, can’t remember. I made some sarcastic remark about how or what she was eating and she said:
“I always like to keep my mouth busy.”
Almost immediately afterward she realised the sexual connotation, especially because of me. Great stuff.
Do you now? 
It’s such a pig latin language you couldda guessed it . . xiyi ji wash clothes machine. I realised this years ago when I bet a friend I knew what the Chinese for hedonism is … go on, guess (remembering that zhu yi is ism). . kuai le zhu yi … happiness ism. Simple huh?
HG
Me: were the hell are the …
wife: you have double eyes ? Here they are …
me: double eyes? 
Actually she meant are you cross eyed … but I didn’t tell here …
I have done this sort of thing before successfully, but sadly I do not know neither clothes, nor wash, in Chinese.
I have horrific Chinese.
My Taiwanese mother-in-law (who speaks not a word of English) wanted to learn how to tell her dog to “sit” in English, thus enabling her to impress the daylights out of everyone at the park during their morning walks.
She couldn’t quite get the “s” sound right, and now smiles broadly and proudly every time she sees her little dog sit down after a commanding “SH*T!” from its owner.
“Hao guai, hao guai!!”
Gotta love it.
Looking at our dog she says, “when a dog has puppies where does it come out?..”
I looked at her in astonishment and said, “ah her vagina baby what the fuck are you serious?”
“well maybe dogs are different!” she replied.
I said, " oh man I can’t wait till we have a litter of ass puppies!"
She said flatly, " I thought we wre going to get her fixed."
Watching the National Geographic channel the other night. They had a promo for an upcoming show with funny/strange things their videographers had captured during their travels.
One short clip showed a small/mid-sized bear falling off a homes’ roof and bouncing onto a trampoline, going way up in the air and then landing on the ground.
Mrs. Cowboy: “HONEY !! Look at the bear…he must be wearing his ‘sport shoes’!!”
Me: …huh?
Mrs. C: “Did you see him jump? He must have his ‘sport shoes’ on !!”
The fun never ends…
[quote=“Big Fluffy Matthew”]Would that be this one ? killsometime.com/Video/video.asp?ID=33 Can’t see any shoes.[/quote]BFM -
Thats it. The Natty Geo promo just shows the bear falling and hitting the trampoline. It looked like it came off the roof.
I have done this sort of thing before successfully, but sadly I do not know neither clothes, nor wash, in Chinese.[/quote]
Yeah, and it doesn’t always work, either. Try doing the pig latin thing with hair dryer or clothes dryer and all you’ll get is bewilderment or giggles.
(BTW, these are chui1 feng1 ji1 and hong1 gan1 ji1, resp.)
I have done this sort of thing before successfully, but sadly I do not know neither clothes, nor wash, in Chinese.[/quote]
Yeah, and it doesn’t always work, either. Try doing the pig latin thing with hair dryer or clothes dryer and all you’ll get is bewilderment or giggles.
(BTW, these are chui1 feng1 ji1 and hong1 gan1 ji1, resp.)[/quote]
Actually, in Cantonese, you can say xiyiji, so I always presumed, until reading your post, that it was the correct term. in Cantonese, hair dryer is chui feng ji also btw.
xi3 yi1 ji1 is right, for a washing machine. I just meant that this method (of literally translating caveman English) fails as often as it succeeds.
That’s so cute I’m going to blatantly steal it.
(about Leslie Nielson, of Naked Gun notoriety)
Her: Hey, he looks like Stupid Dog.
Me: ???
Her: You know, StupiScoopyDog.
Me: ??? Oh! Scooby Doo?
Her: Yeah!
Me: Stupid Dog, ha ha ha ha!!!
Mine likes salad dressing with Oliver Oil…
I was watching t.v. with mine the other day, and she was eating bag of peanuts. She pulled out a handfull and nudged me saying, “Want some penis?”
Dragonbones you can say ganyiji for a clothes dryer as well. And hong gan ji can mean hair dryer too (but that’s irrelevant, sorry)
Um…No Thanks… 
In Cantonese, wouldn’t they be “sai yi gei” and “cheui fung gei”?
So you missed your chance. It wasn’t a question.