[quote=“divea”][quote=“tsukinodeynatsu”]In my experience, when sex becomes ‘once-a-week-only’ it usually means the relationship’s in trouble…
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Says who?? Media.
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Personal experience!!! Not over 30 yet, but the thought of less than once a week and being very happy is kind of mind-boggling right now…
You learn there’s more to life as you get older, I guess?
Up until now, if it’s been once a week or less, regularly, it’s usually a sign that I’m unhappy. I’m quite good at repressing things, and one of the key signals for me is usually sex.
[quote=“fruitloop”]So, a fifty year old man who last had sex five years ago has a choice of:
A. Getting a divorce
B. Agreeing with his wife that they are dysfunctional and getting relationship counselling. (are they dysfunctional?)
C. Never having sex again.
I’m not sure it’s that simple.
Either or both partners might not want (or believe in) a divorce or want to end their partnership. They might not feel dysfunctional.
Do love, marriage and sex necessarily occupy the same ground?[/quote]
You forgot:
D. Reaching an agreement and having her agree to you or both of you having something on the side.
I have my misgivings about open relationships, but it sure beats lying to the person you agreed to cherish when you bought into the whole marriage thing.
As far as I am concerned, it doesn’t really matter what you do in a relationship, as long as you are honest with your partner. If you promised fidelity and don’t give it a few years down the line and hide the fact, then you have reneged on a deal.
A to D don’t sound like the worst options in the world. People do get divorced and do get counseling. Some live happily without sex. I have friends trying D and I wish them the best.
I’d forgive it, but I am not a big fan of infidelity and don’t feel it needs to be encouraged (I’ve spoken to too many dicks visiting Taipei, whose wives or girlfriends were down south).
There is no excuse for lying to a significant other about one’s sexual practices.
[quote=“fruitloop”]So, a fifty year old man who last had sex five years ago has a choice of:
A. Getting a divorce
B. Agreeing with his wife that they are dysfunctional and getting relationship counselling. (are they dysfunctional?)
C. Never having sex again.
I’m not sure it’s that simple.
Either or both partners might not want (or believe in) a divorce or want to end their partnership. They might not feel dysfunctional.
Do love, marriage and sex necessarily occupy the same ground?[/quote]
Your looking for honest answers, and the statistics I saw.
90% of people think its wrong
60% of men have done it
40% of women have done it
i.e. despite half the population (I guess this was the US) cheating on their other half, just about everyone knows its wrong, so don’t expect too much input from the other side in this debate.
Statistics don’t necessarily make cheating an acceptable option. It just suggests there might be a problem with the way marriage or fidelity is viewed in the first place.
@TSU: Sex once a week only is pretty damn good for someone with kids, especially small kids! There are lots of reasons why it will not mean the relationship is in trouble if you have less sex later on.
But we’re not really talking about frequency of sex, right? We’re talking about LACK of sex. Unforunatly, that’s something I know way too much about!
Before I was married, I didn’t realize how important sex is to a marriage. I didn’t have to depend on only one person for my sex life. If the guy was not good, or if I was just not happy in the relationship, I could break up and find a new guy. Marriage ends that option forever. You MUST work it out, or your marriage may fail.
Suddenly getting the sex right is more imporatant than the rest of the deal because it has the potential to bring it down all by itself. If sex is ever make or break in a different relationship, it doesn’t matter so much. But if you’ve been married a few years, have a few kids and a mortgage, it becomes very damn vital.
Like I said earlier, if a partner is ill or physically unable to function any longer (and I don’t mean something that viagra can take care of), that’s one thing. And even then, there are times when the partner with the problem could ‘be there’ for the other.
There are other issues such as abuse inside or outside the marriage, feelings of emotional neglect, one partner is more adventurous than the other, that can be worked out. But it just really takes BOTH partners. Though sex is vital and should be provided, it should never be DEMANDED. There should never be an ultimatum. As with all thing in a marriage, you should be loving and respectful to your partner. That precludes lieing and cheating.
As Threadkiller said, there’s no excuse for lieing to your partner about sexual issues.
Possibly. But man! That is going to seriously cut into naptime. And where would you stash the kid during the shag? You can’t really lock him up, after all.
Possibly. But man! That is going to seriously cut into naptime. And where would you stash the kid during the shag? You can’t really lock him up, after all.[/quote]Excuses. I’m sure the boy sleeps sometimes. At least ours does.
Possibly. But man! That is going to seriously cut into naptime. And where would you stash the kid during the shag? You can’t really lock him up, after all.[/quote]Excuses. I’m sure the boy sleeps sometimes. At least ours does. [/quote] A toddler’s nap time s really not the best time, they wake up when you want them asleep the mostest
[quote=“divea”]Hmmmm…sex question?? Let granny Divs give it a go.
[quote=“RobinTaiwan”]
On the subject of fidelity… Where does masturbation stand? [/quote]
On the ‘I am loyal to you’ stand. If you can’t pleasure yourself, how do you expect to tell another person what you like. Plus masturbating keeps you in errr ummm practice, if things aren’t going that well with another person. Especially true for the ladies.
It doesn’t.
No justification whatsoever and yet a loving spouse will either try the said fantasy or give you the blessings to go seek it elsewhere. I know this about porn, many women wouldn’t care a damn about it but give their blessings to their spouses to watch what they like or read or whatever and don’t hold it against them.
No. Its still not acceptable.
Still have to meet a man who gets no sex. Usually its the woman. Drinking, work pressures, a beer belly, addiction to the net and porn, no exercise, economic instability, travel, usually leave the woman with a dissatisfied libido. How many married men here can honestly say that they don’t get as much sex as they want??? Ask the married women and well you will see all hands raised in the air They want more, better and well, more! Again, this is from talking to the women around me, not from a poll or anything.
Only the ones who have a different sexual orientation or who are looking for a quick divorce. Sick (as in with a disease) are ofcourse an exception.
If you are not getting the requisite amount of rolling in the hay then the relationship is not healthy. Sure your expectations won’t meet up a 100% but if the gap between reality and expectations is really wide, then there is a big problem.
IMVHO, sexual problems arise in relationships that are fundamentally unhealthy. Money issues, insecurities, attitude problems, being over worked or over stressed, hating the in-laws, all have a way of slithering between the sheets. Sex is a fundamental part of the relationship, because it is not just about copulating, it begins when you neck in the kitchen, hold hands in the car, dance hip to hip, wink at each other across a full room, mouth ‘love yous’ on the MRT, caress each other, hold each other, be vulnerable, let go trustingly…and only then does it culminate in the sack. When couples are angry, spiteful, bored and basically not loving each other, sex is the first thing that says adios, what is then left is an unhealthy relationship with a roommate.
There is absolutely nothing selfish about wanting good sex or just sex.[/quote]
A toddler’s nap time s really not the best time, they wake up when you want them asleep the mostest 
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