If your SO falls in love with the person they are cheating with
Any kind of cheating is unforgivable
Other (Please explain…)
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All this talk about forgiving cheaters, but not forgetting has gotten me to wonder…which one kind of cheating is absolutely unforgivable?
Is it when she/he falls in love with someone?
Is it when she/he cheats on you with a friend or family member?
Are all kinds of infidelity unforgivable?
I’ll tell you a story…
The girl with whom I shared a homestay family in France used to brag about how much her boyfriend loved her and missed her so much and all the kinky stuff that they did together and how he got her a prehensile tail before she left because he knew how much she wished she had one ( :saywhat: ). And how much her best friend missed her and all the great e-mails she had written with her back and forth about how she and the girl’s boyfriend were hanging out missing her so much. You all can see where this is going…
Anyway, when the inevitable happened, she absolutely fell apart. She wanted nothing to do with her best friend, but was willing to consider reconciliation with her boyfriend until he told her that he was in love with her best friend. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back and she spent that night tearing his pictures into small pieces and then lighting them in an ashtray. It made me wonder just how willing she would have been to take him back if it hadn’t been her best friend he had fallen in love with, but some random girl or if he hadn’t have fallen for her best friend, but had slept with her on several occasions.
What’s unforgivable is whatever hurts the most. I’d say that ability to forgive one situation vs. another depends on the associated pain threshhold. Maybe for one person, the idea of any kind of infidelity at all is too much, and the fact that it was with her sister just adds insult to injury. On the other hand, I’ve heard of many girls who said that they could live with their boyfriend or husband cheating, as long as they never found out about it. Why? I think it’s because they know it would be too painful to get over.
My own story: I had a very close female Taiwanese friend who broke up with her live-in boyfriend after he found somebody else. She moved out, but said she was absolutely OK with it, she said she was good friends with the other girl, and they all still hung out together. She was quite insistent that she was OK with all of it. Until about a week later, when she learned that the girl had moved into the room she had previously shared with the boyfriend, and was sleeping on what used to be her bed. Then she pretty much lost it–all her emotional defenses crumbled and she broke down crying. That hurt too much, and she was never able to convice herself that things would ever be OK again, even as friends.
Once a person cheats the trust that was built is now gone. Can a person get it back? Truly? No.
It’s sad and pathetic when I hear stories about people who were too drunk, high, etc. to know what they were doing. The difference between a man and a boy is a man can control what he does with his penis.
I would never cheat on my SO. I mean, then they’re not my SO anymore, so why not just leave them first, and go on to someone else? I would hold my SO to the same standard, so I don’t consider any kind of cheating forgivable, ever. That said, I don’t think I would be upset if I came home and found a hypothetical SO in bed with a girlfriend of hers…
I’ve never been cheated on. I know my SO will never cheat on me. It’s impossible. Why would you give this up to be with that? You pick and choose the right partner. If my SO cheats, our relationship is over, and the relationship with my family/friend my SO sleeps with is over as well. There is no forgiving. EVER.
Unless it’s a real funny situation like you see in movies. And I come home and catch them screwing and it’s so absurd it’s funny, then I’d just stand there and laugh and laugh. Then we’d all go out for some dinner and laugh and laugh.
And it’s bullshit if men think their woman sleeping with other women is not cheating and it actually is a turn on. How disgusting. That’s cheating. Same with men on men action.
Well, if your SO cheats with your best friend, then the best friend is your new worst enemy. So, it’s about the same. Both would be considered the ultimate betrayal.
If it’s a boyfriend, would it be worse if he slept with your sister . . . or your brother? Or your mother?
I think I read somewhere (maybe the Onion) that if you’re going to cheat, make sure it’s a homosexual affair. That way, your SO is so shocked that you’re gay, that she’ll overlook the fact that you cheated.
(Assuming you’re in a heterosexual relationship to begin with, of course.)
[quote=“Sam Vimes”] I think I read somewhere (maybe the Onion) that if you’re going to cheat, make sure it’s a homosexual affair. That way, your SO is so shocked that you’re gay, that she’ll overlook the fact that you cheated.
(Assuming you’re in a heterosexual relationship to begin with, of course.)[/quote]
Not true Sam Vines. Need I remind you of this thread. Any questions?
I guess with your best friend could be worst in some ways because at least with your enemy you don’t lose a friend, but cheating with an enemy would be like saying “You know how much you hate this person? Well, I, um, don’t.”
I could forgive my girlfriend for cheating before engagement and before marriage, but not after.
You’re only young once, and I think that mistakes and descrepancies should be ironed out before a commitment is made. The human being is just an animal at heart and needs to shag around just like every other mamal. However, religion and social norms have dictated that it is wrong to “cheat” (or follow an instinct).
I used to be very black and white about cheating - condemming and being unforgiving of it in any form.
Now that I’m a bit older, I’m beginning to see that things aren’t quite so simple. Cheating is usually an indication that there is some issue that isn’t getting resolved, that someone is very unhappy under the current situation. Condeming them doesn’t seem to fix the issue. That is not saying that cheating is an acceptable response, but humans a flawed and frail.
So, if it happens you just toss them out the door, regardless of commitments?
[quote=“Elegua”]I used to be very black and white about cheating - condemming and being unforgiving of it in any form.
Now that I’m a bit older, I’m beginning to see that things aren’t quite so simple. Cheating is usually an indication that there is some issue that isn’t getting resolved, that someone is very unhappy under the current situation. Condeming them doesn’t seem to fix the issue. That is not saying that cheating is an acceptable response, but humans a flawed and frail.
So, if it happens you just toss them out the door, regardless of commitments?[/quote]
Just because you might stay together because of commitments doesn’t mean there has to be forgivness. And just because someone has some unresolved problems or unhappiness doesn’t mean cheating is forgivable, that’s just the excuse. The same as if you just struck up a conversation with an attractive person and let it follow it’s normal course reguardless of those commitments, even though you may feel quite happy. That happenes.
Some people openly cheat on eachother and say that it isn’t cheating because they’ve both said it’s okay (I’m not talking about Swinging which, I understand, is done together). They may say they’re very secure in their relationship, but I would guess the opposite is really true, and this is their way of avoiding dealing with it.
Staying together for the sake of commitments, kids, ecconomics or what not, doesn’t mean that the cheating was forgiven or that the cheating didn’t undermine the relationship or destroy some sacred bond.
I’m just coming out of a relationship where she didn’t cheat but did see a guy one time as friends. She broke up with me before proceeding with the new guy. In truth the failure and her seeing the new guy was mostly my fault with some problems we had been having for a few months. But it was most painful and I realized what I lost and how I *&^%#@ up. I did the 2nd chance speech which she didn’t say outright no but downplayed my chances signifigantly.
Then a good friend reminded me that 99% of “cheaters” or “leavers” do try to go back to the original partner within 6 months. Sort of the grass is not greener on the other side. After long reflection I decided I would take her back if she askes despite my policy, hopefully I will get that call but I won’t be waiting for it.
You pick and choose the right partner. If my SO cheats, our relationship is over, and the relationship with my family/friend my SO sleeps with is over as well. There is no forgiving. EVER.
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