What do you do when your toddler or child gets hit by others?
They say that many toddlers experience temper tantrums that they cannot control.
Then, should I just keep my toddler away from the hitter all the time? It might be best to stay away from problems?
Whoâs the responsible adult?
That person should intervene firmly and tell the toddler doing the hitting to cut it out.
The toddlerâs mother said she was sorry, and then she said that she and her older sister get into fight often, and she got into this sort of habit(?).
I told her mother that it was all right, but when my toddler got hit more than 3 occasions in an hour, I could not say all right any more. I was so sad and upset inside my mind.
Is it wrong if I tell the hitter to stop hitting my toddler? Will it be improper? Well, anyway, my Chinese is not good enough to say so.
Of course you canâŚI hope that mom loses face! She can at least remove the hitter and let him/her sit away from the play area for a bit.
discipline disciplineâŚit is improper of the hitter to hit your child.
My son (2½ years old = terrible twoâs!!!) has hit and even pushed other kids. The only way to make him clear of his wrong-doings was to remove him from the scene (âŚof crime) and tell him what he did wrong.
He usually went for his best friend - whoâs smaller than him, and since he havenât been around many kids at that time, I guess he didnât really know how to behave. Bad boy.
If he did again, Iâd remove him againâŚand againâŚand again if needed.
I just wish my son would learn more quick 
Itâs never fun to be the parent of a hitter, pusher or biter (one thing Iâd like NOT to put on the kidâs resume!).
These things happen, though, many kids will hit or push another kid eventually.
Just try to understand that even when youâre trying your best to be a good parent, things like this still might happen. You canât always control your kidâs fellings or misbehaviour.
But I think itâs okay to say no to the girl that hit your kid. She needs to understand immidiately that itâs wrong to hit.
I would actually expect people to tell my kid no, if he was hitting another kid and I wasnât there to see it.
(it should be said firmly, and not angrily/viciously)
teach your kid how to throw a decent long punch, a short punch, an arm bar, and a roundhouse kick to the head. thatâll fix the aggressive kid.
coincidentally my three year old got into a fight yesterday as he had his face scratched by another older kid. So he hit out and they ended up scrapping. The problem with my kid is heâs just like me and expects an apology if someone has shoved him or hurt him, so by trying to teach him not to expect one from certain âtypesâ (I think you know what Iâm saying) I am trying to help him in reducing his expectations of those âtypesâ and in doing so, not get too angry with them. After all, they are still âdeveloping.â
As it goes in Night At The Museum: Whoâs evolved?"
Sorry, I thought this was going to be about the legislature.
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and great advice. I guess being a parent can be so hard. Hitting or being hit can hurt our feelings as well, I think.
My friendâs boys are taking Taekwondo and Kendo classes to look âimpressiveâ not to be bothered. Martial Arts may develop certain âChiâ that others cannot look down.(?)
Maybe I should bring my son to such classes when he gets older. Heâs big for his age (bigger than the hitter by 5 cm), but maybe he has weaker Chi(?).
The hitter could talk quite well in almost complete sentences. Sheâs only 4 months older than my son. I guess she can learn Chinese from her older sister, too, which is a good part.
Anyway, meantime, I just hope he wonât learn bad behaviors. He already has his flaws(slow language development and bad table manners). Hopefully he can learn something good.
school_newyork
My two-year-old daughter can be aggressive sometimes. Six months ago she didnât understand much but now that she can talk quite well, we always tell her she canât do that and remove her from the play situation. As a mother of a girl like that, I am happy to have other people tell her in a firm but not scary way that she canât hit their kids. If nobody says anything she wonât understand that everyone thinks itâs wrong, not just her mom.
You could try to tell the child â(name), bu ke yi da renâ, thatâs what my fatherinlaw always says anyway. If your friend doesnât like you saying anything then maybe you want to stay away for a few days. Then maybe the child will grow out of the phase, or the parent will wonder why you donât want to meet up and when they know, they will try to do something about their child.
Also, itâs good to remember that it might look very bad to us but kids will forgive and forget very quickly. My son has a bite mark on his back from his sister but he tells her every morning that he loves herâŚ
I donât think a toddler hitting is such a big problem. Of course, if your kid gets hit you should teach him to say ânoâ and if that doesnât work to either hit back or move away from the attacker. But little kids hit each other all the time, and unless it becomes really abusive, like constant bullying of one child, it is not such a big deal.
Children quickly learn that they donât get what they want (a friend to play with, positive response) if they hit, but for some kids, the learning process takes a little longer. They usually outgrow it by the time theyâre 5 or 6. I would only start feeling worried about my child if he was still hitting a lot at Elementary age.
It is a very common thing. Some advice from working with Toddlers for a few years:
Avoid telling the toddler what not to do. This is Ok, but will usually backfire and take a lot longer to teach the child. If you donât have a clear concept of negative language yet, it is very easy to confuse âdonât hitâ with just understanding the verb âhit.â What you want to do is show the toddler what to do. When he hits, provide the verb and description you would rather see. âWe touch gentlyâŚgentlyâ while showing him what that means will provide better results. Then when he does get aggressive, youâve trained him to listen to one word: Gently. When you remind the toddler of that word, youâll see a big change.
Another thing is to watch for specific situations when the hitting is about to happen. Hitting happens at this age because of a frustration from not communicating well. It is often a specific thing that triggers the hitting. Find out what triggers it then you can keep an eye out for when that is likely to happen so you can move in a little closer. There is nothing that can be done about split second, knee jerk reactions that happen. Planning ahead, though, can avoid many instances.
Pay attention to the child that got hit and ignore the other child. Pour attention into that child that got hit.
As far as the other parent is concerned, realize sheâs probably already embarrassed. Let it slide and just help her with strategies rather than think sheâs not a good parent. 2 year olds are not easy to raiseâŚanyone can testify to that statement. Help them with ideas and youâll be surprised what you can learn from them as well.
Itâs been almost a year since I posted this message. Now my toddler is 2 years old (26 months to be exact), and now I see toddlers around this age do the hitting occasionally because they cannot express themselves too well. A year older, a year wiser as Mom, I hope I am getting.
When my boy was hit in a Gymboree class where toddlers between 12 months and 16 months attend, I felt frustrated. My psychologist friend told me that it comes from the feelings that I could not protect my son in a foreign environmenet. But, it seems that kids can protect themselves when they hit 2 years old.
F@#$! Yesterday I experienced the worst tantrum of my uncle-/grandpa-hood.
It started when our almost 4-year old threw his frisbee into the bushes (down a slope where it was difficult to retrieve). I told him to not throw it there, but he wouldnât listen. Then I told him the frisbee was gone, canât do anything about it. Half a year ago he did throw a plastic ball down the same slope and I managed to get it back. But this time the frisbee was too deep down and I had clearly told him not to do it. Then we walked back home, him screaming at the top of his lung all the way. I picked him up and he started to punch me in my face with his fistâŚ
At home he started to throw all his toys all over the place, I was really shocked by his aggression and anger and I didnât find a way to make it stop. Have watched tons of videos of how to deal with tantrums and how to stay calm, not engage in power struggles, be consistent, not punish, etc. etc. but boy that was wild.
Grandma canât keep her cool and usually makes it worse, adding fuel to the fire.
It was so bad that I thought, he might be possessed. Time for shoujing-ing?
After the storm, he was as sweet and intelligent as always. He picked up all his toys and put them were they belong, had his dinner, and took a bath.
Any parents out there who have dealt with tantrums like that? Not looking for advice, but would love to hear your stories.
Water under the bridge!
Put their head under the cold water tap (or showerhead). Sometimes the water in Taiwan is not very cold, but it will still quiet them down quite a bit after a minute.
Did you get that from the CIA handbook? 
As I said, not looking for advice, especially bad/wrong advice.
I donât think any kind of shock therapy or punishment is the way to go.
Need to find out the triggers and prevent tantrums in the first place.
Stay calm and connected and give the child space to deal with the emotions while at the same time preventing dangerous behavior when they happen.
I am going to do some role play to show him other options to deal with strong emotions, no-answers, disappointment, etc.
It sounds like you handled it perfectly to me under your stated system. Lessons learned, presumably.