Tommy's story

Yep, I am starting to feel like this thread is in a parallel universe.[/quote]

To be clear, my comments on the previous page were not directed at either of you. I don’t see either of you as cruel or bullying. More like a couple of old aunties wagging your fingers of warning at our (not so) young friend, Tommy525.

I have an issue with people who bully others online. I have an issue with excessive rudeness, with unnecessary harshness. I’ve always disliked bullies, have always resisted them and called them on their behavior. I’ve never regretted that.

Maybe some people don’t see the bullying in this thread. I do and it pisses me off. So I’m going to hit back, let the bullies know exactly what I think of their behavior.

I’m not attempting to be a hero or elevate my standing here. I don’t care about that. I’m not defending all of Tommy525’s decisions or behavior. I’m not a close friend, thought I do know him IRL.

I think Ermintrude said it best when she wrote that you don’t use a bazooka to shoot a rabbit, or something to that effect. I see nastiness in this thread directed at a person who does not deserve it and it pisses me off. That’s why I wrote what I wrote.[/quote]

The majority of the voices on this thread are still reasonable though, reasonableness does prevail and the attention-seeking posters tend to go away sooner or later when they see that their comments are not really getting the attention that they crave. I am not sure if there is much real effective bullying going on though because:

  1. Tommy has chose to make these extremely candid disclosures on a public forum and that is bound to attract comments and opinions. I doubt very much that what anyone says here is really going to hurt him, and he will carry on posting in the same way.

  2. Most of the “bullies” end up making themselves looking silly, duplicitous, narcissistic and attention-seeking because they start to contradict themselves, fight amongst each other, and end up talking more about their supposed persecution by the Mods etc. than about the comment of this thread.[/quote]

You’re a pleasant surprise my friend. I’ve gone from wanting to give you a wedgie to wanting to buy you a drink :sunglasses: . Really, I mean it.

I know Tommy doesn’t need me to defend him. I’m not posting for that purpose. I just don’t like rudeness where it isn’t warranted, and bullying makes me want to hit back. I felt the same way when you were getting slapped way back when.

Pow! Take that Smellmintrude! :laughing:

I dunno

Put the whole thread in temp ! Then nobody will remember who said what, when , how. AFter all , its all really “in the moment” and not meant to be carved in stone here. I will still take away who is/has been a pal and who are people I will avoid in real life.

The threads a fun thread, not a shitfest. Those of you who believe two people meeting and falling in love and getting married is a not a happy thing can drown in your own cesspit of unhappiness, because that is what you are. Realize it.

[quote=“Tomas”]

You’re a pleasant surprise my friend. I’ve gone from wanting to give you a wedgie to wanting to buy you a drink :sunglasses: . Really, I mean it.

I know Tommy doesn’t need me to defend him. I’m not posting for that purpose. I just don’t like rudeness where it isn’t warranted, and bullying makes me want to hit back. I felt the same way when you were getting slapped way back when.[/quote]

Thanks Tomas. But actually looking back. probably 90% or more of the stuff that was said about me was correct. In a way, it may have done me some good by helping me realise that I needed to change. And the fact that I am now reunited and happily married with the woman with whom I fought a bitter international custody battle for our child is either some kind of miracle, or a testament to the strength of the human spirit. I could tell my story too here and perhaps I will one day, but I will never again include intimate personal details about anyone in my family. For one, it shows a lack of respect for both oneself and those close to you. These things are for talking to your close friends about but never publicising it to the world.

Tommy’'s latest reaction, which is not typical at all for him, shows that he has been affected by what people say. So I was wrong on that point. It could be what he actually needs though, and might be the first step in a course that changes the way he views himself, women and relationships in general.

Can i just say that tommy will be the way he is. Don’t bother changing him or his view of or his world.

I’m just having fun in this tread, not ever have asked for advice. Not a crying out because of some need :slight_smile:

But its not fun anymore. It was meant to be a happy thread, but some of you guys need to get a life !

If its not fun? I ain’t gonna write more stories.

Don’t want you guys having it out at each other either.

Never asked for help from any one of you. I am fine. Are you ?

But I don’t want you guys getting all bent out of shape on a basically fun thread.

Far as I am concerned, better to bin the whole thing.

I can post stories on a new thread.

This will allow some old wounds mongst you to heal.

Me? i don’t have any wounds. Because frankly I don’t and won’t change because of you. And you won’t because of me.

Just be busy being YOU and don’t worry bout others being THEM will ya? :slight_smile:

ssshh, you guys are NOT more fun then a barrel of monkeys. But yoU are ACTING LIKE ONE.

[quote=“tommy525”]Can i just say that tommy will be the way he is. Don’t bother changing him or his view of or his world.

I’m just having fun in this tread, not ever have asked for advice. Not a crying out because of some need :slight_smile:

But its not fun anymore. It was meant to be a happy thread, but some of you guys need to get a life !

If its not fun? I ain’t gonna write more stories.

Don’t want you guys having it out at each other either.

Never asked for help from any one of you. I am fine. Are you ?

But I don’t want you guys getting all bent out of shape on a basically fun thread.

Far as I am concerned, better to bin the whole thing.

I can post stories on a new thread.

This will allow some old wounds mongst you to heal.

Me? I don’t have any wounds. Because frankly I don’t and won’t change because of you. And you won’t because of me.

Just be busy being YOU and don’t worry bout others being THEM will ya? :slight_smile:

ssshh, you guys are NOT more fun then a barrel of monkeys. But yoU are ACTING LIKE ONE.[/quote]

Tommy, if this was a thread about your re-discovery of the area where you live in California, it would have been great. I love to read your posts about the places that you visit, and even yes, how much things cost. It’s like a personal travel guide. But the relationship side of your story is not funny, or light-hearted. Relationships are personal and serious, goodness only knows they need hard work to succeed, when you start to make a mockery of your own relationship is the point where you already have lost respect for your partner or hope that things will actually work out. Sad to say, but on this count the average person that reads your posts is at best going to be laughing at you (i.e. not with you) and at worst cringing.

People defend you and your right to post your story because they realise that you are a great guy with a good heart, who takes no offence at any insults that people throw at you. It doesn’t mean that they think like you, or see anything in what you say about your present and past relationships that relates to their own lives, or feel that they have anything to learn from what you say.

The fact that you sometimes refer to yourself in the third person (i.e. Tommy, the Tomster) shows that you do feel some kind of detachment from yourself, that you are looking on your own life as if it was a story and perhaps as if your purpose in life is to entertain others. It’s great to be a bit of a clown sometimes and not take yourself too seriously (I like to play the clown in my house and they love it, up to a point …), but Tommy, this is your LIFE. You only get one shot at it. it’s not a movie that you can replay if it’s great or choose not to watch if it’s dull. Most of us have messed up in the past, some of us can laugh at our past mistakes, some look back seriously on a lesson learnt, some have regrets, some do not. It’s all part of the learning process that life is. Looking back on the past with a wise chuckle/ slight cringe is one thing. But voluntarily making a mockery of yourself and your current life, to people who don’t even know you, doesn’t show that you are quite ready to learn anything yet.

Funny I don’t see it that way at all. Could it be that you and I actually think differently? Hmm, what a concept ?

Anyway, this thread has turned into an after wedding bar drunk smash up :smiley: So I think I will reveal what Whopper the Cat thinks of it at this juncture.

He says “give it a rest daddy”

"Just bin it , it will all come out in the wash "

As someone who reads and enjoys this thread I cannot for the life of me understand all the criticism Tommy is getting. If you don’t like it… stop reading, stop moaning and stop spoiling it for everyone else.

This thread’s gotten out of hand.

Our story continues here:

Wow, was kinda a blast to go over this old thread again. Thought it was kinda lost . But I guess nothing is lost on the internet.

Just to let ya’all know. Me (Mister Right) and her (Mrs Always Right) are still together. Our cat whopper is still the boss around the house (well not really but you know). And we are waiting for her “permanent” green card. Which is taking its apparently usual long ass time to come through.

Papers sent in in Jan IIRC , and it’s not even been looked at yet.

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Congratulations, Tommy!

Good luck in the future. When I dropped back in this evening one of the primary things I was hoping to see was you and Mrs. Always Right’s continued happiness.

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Thank you skoster ! Very kind of you.

An update. Since we have been married over three years and she has gotten her green card over three years (three years from initial temporary green card, she now has a permanent one) she qualifies to apply for US Citizenship . Which is what we are doing now. There are more restrictions on Green Cards . You have to report any change of address, restricted from staying abroad a certain time, etc.

I wouldn’t want the hassle of ever applying for one again.

We get along like two peas in a pod still. And she is embarking on her annual journey back to visit family and friends soon.

She’s got quite a trip planned. Bali (for the sixth time I think) and Phuket (first time) and Singapore and Medan, Jakarta, and even back to home island Bangka. Going to different places with different friends. I get to stay home again and watch the cat and pay bills.

Next year , we will possibly do Hawaii together.

Last year she flew Singapore’s A380 from LAX to/from SIN.
And this year she gets to fly the new A350 on SQ from SFO to SIN. Almost 17 hours NonStop, that would make me dread it. I would prefer a stop in Japan. She’s trying out all these cool jets I have not been on.

I’d like to fly them but only on shorter flights. I hate long flights , especially in Economy. Makes me climb walls.

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Ok a lil recap. Just celebrated our sixth anniversary. And maybe on the tenth we will have one of those renew your vows weddings? Like my bro had. Since our first wedding was a hasty trip to the courthouse in Martinez because we had 90 days to get married before the Fiancee visa becomes worth less than tissue paper. There we were in front of her honor saying our vows. Maybe I should put a clip of that on… Brought a tear to this guy. That a woman actually wanted to marry tommy :slight_smile:

I just had on a suit and she had on a pretty dress. WE had our required two witness (friends of mine) and that was IT.

Tammy said never in her life would she have imagined the very worst wedding that she has ever been in would be her own !!

We went to eat lunch next door at some barbeque restaurant afterwards. And that was it… No honeymoon (till years later in hawaii).

but hey, many married people never made it to SIX YEARS. EVen though they had a zillion dollar wedding and a golf ball sized ring. I seriously bought her 1/4 carat (super tiny) diamond ring at walmart because we prepared for ONE day before the wedding. And nobody came. Short notice you know.

It really is the commitment that counts!

We have had heaps of fun over the last six years. Been all over, shes done her annual trips home (without me) but we have been to Hawaii twice and NYC once (to visit my cousins). And we have made countless trips to Monterey and Lake Tahoe and , and two I think or one trip to Vegas. So its been a blast so far.

Our cat’s been with us for a lot of the trips outside of the ones that required flying.

And now back to regular programming.

Recently visited Mt Tam (bout 2600 feet) with Tammy, her first visit. She liked it. There is a short 10 mins walk for the final half mile climb up about 300 feet on a rocky path. Made it fun. Mt Diablo, which is the highest mountain here is about 3700 feet, you drive right to the top and there is a smalll museum with a stone that is the actual top of the mountain. And you can stand on that.

Afterwards looking for a bite to eat, came upon (short google search) a restaurant called PIATTI which was very pleasant. Especially sitting on the deck where there is a small lake where some people had apartments with a dock where a small yacht could dock. It connects to the bay.

Since we were not too hungry we shared what would basically be one persons order. Crab cakes (there were two in the order, came with a very nice small salad), a fancy salad and the main course was a pasta dish a la bolognaise. Very good all in all. Not expensive but not cheap. Well considering it was exactly right next door to the local FERRARI dealer in Marin, what do you expect?

Tammy liked Mt. Tam. Just as much as she liked MT Diablo. That is to say to her good for one visit.

But she thinks the same of the Grand Canyon. Yosemite on the other hand she wants to go again.

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Congrats!

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Actually, there are studies that show that the more expensive the wedding, the more extravagant and the more money thrown in it, the higher the divorce rate.

Just saying.

Best wishes for many more happy and entertaining years together.

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I was wondering if a thread for mosans to write bout a
Trip would be popular

I’d be interested in reading bout trips if they had a bit of detail in them

I wanted to write one about our fairly recent trip to Kauai for example

Should I start a mosan travel mini blog that everyone can contribute to ?

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Nice one Tommy. Looks like you’ve made it.

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It doesn’t matter if you only had 2 guests. In fact I applaud you for escaping those crappy receptions where you have to greet 40 different tables.

Many people focus too much on the wedding and not enough on the marriage. And after having their fairy tale wedding they end up divorced anyway. It’s not the wedding that counts in the end, it’s the marriage. It’s important not to lose sight of that.

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:clap: :clap: :clap:

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