Tommy's story

tommy525 · November 16, 2013, 5:27am

Gosh some people sure have a dim view of the world !

Shes been here two months and in this two months shes gotten a ton of clothing and cosmetics and accessories. Shes been on a wine tour to Napa. ON an over-niter to Reno and Lake Tahoe. Driven highway one to and from Santa Cruz. Went to many many fine and normal restaurants. Seen a ton of stuff to see. Oh and visited Taipei on her way here. Shes gotten married to a person she has been asking to marry for over five years ! Shes been all over San Francisco and other great places of the Bay Area. She’s done a lot of fun stuff.

Shes had a pet for the first time in her life (whopper) that she absolutely adores. She spends her days happily chatting with her family and friends in INdonesia. Going out on her own to Walnut Creek and Berkeley, etc . While we wait for permission for her to work. She will be going to school to further her education.

Shes volunteered to keep our little apt in shape and happily does the laundry. MOst of it is HER clothes. She washes everything after one wear, including many things that don’t need daily washing. Shes not being forced to do anything. Shes doing it happily as she feels that is what a wife should do.

Shes learning to cook for the first time in her life and is absolutely thrilled that myself and my friends enjoy her cooking very much. On her next visit back to Indo, shes going to enroll in some cooking classes to further her skills.

She will be learning to drive and will be getting a car. Something that is not possible on her own back on the home turf.

I am the man she has been asking to marry for a long long time. Its not the other way around.

Nothing really “personal” in my opinion has been “exposed” in this thread. Other then normal NON PRUDISH stuff.

Hey, if you can’t handle the fact that sex is a shared activity and a reason to marry, well. I can’t comment on that.

Shes ok with me revealing her likeness here, all pics were with her approval.

The picture of the hotel room was not chosen because she appeared not to be wearing pants. She had shorts on. It was the ONLY picture i had of the room. I was just showing off jacuzzi in the room and suggesting those that stay there to opt for it.

Anyway. I invite all those who have issues with this thread to step out of it. Its OK. You don’t have to participate or read it.

I will stop describing my view of the world. As you are not listening anyway.

Not asking you to be me. Just sharing a fun adventure here.

Its been fun so far , for the two of us. Its ok, if you don’t like it.

Anyway, I will post new adventures when it happens and you can read or not read. Its your choice. :raspberry: :raspberry:

Go find skeletons in YOUR closet and psycho analyse yourselves while you are at it.

Winston_Smith · November 16, 2013, 7:06am

In my view you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of, Tommy. All I’ve taken away from your story is what a decent, caring, open person you are and because I feel like I know you as a person now my only concern was that you not end up hurt somehow because of your decency and openness. Having said that, I wouldn’t want to encourage you to be so open about your domestic life if your wife wasn’t okay with it but you’ve got that covered so no issue there. Like all good story tellers you’ve actually helped me understand myself and my own life a little better in the process of telling your own story.

Tomas · November 16, 2013, 7:11am

[quote=“tommy525”]Gosh some people sure have a dim view of the world !

[/quote]

Yep. And some of these depressive types take delight in pissing all over your happiness. I’m not sure if it’s a misguided attempt to feel better about themselves by attacking or making fun of someone else, or it’s something they can’t control very well because they are truly unhappy. I absolutely do not buy the argument that such vitriol is grounded in rigorous, argumentative thought. It’s just nastiness, the misanthropic sourness of the cynic.

Don’t pay it any mind. Once these bullies realise they are not having any effect, they’ll go and find someone else to try to victimise.

Indiana · November 16, 2013, 11:41am

Tommy, whatever rain people enjoy pouring on your parade, pay them no heed. What you have posted recently about sex, your wife crying over the cat, etc. are not necessarily warning signs, but could very well be symptomatic of a woman who has gone through a massive life change recently and feeling a bit emotional and not herself. My hubby and I have moved around over the years and I remember a couple of times after particular moves when he or I felt a bit out of sorts as we sussed out our new environment, and when you feel that way you aren’t quite yourself. It can affect your sex drive and make you more emotional / touchy than normal. She has been there for two months, but it may take up to a year for her to acclimatize. So fear not, just be patient with her and enjoy the ride. I’m sure it will all work out for the best.

tomthorne · November 16, 2013, 1:51pm

Weird, man.

Icon · November 16, 2013, 3:16pm

Different genders = different species? :eh: You know how babies are made, right? [/quote]

Hey, I am quoting National Geographic here man, some British scientist on one of those specials about how bodies work.

We are so different and yet can be so right together.

rodeo · November 16, 2013, 3:27pm

[quote=“Tomas”][quote=“tommy525”]Gosh some people sure have a dim view of the world !

[/quote]

Yep. And some of these depressive types take delight in pissing all over your happiness. [/quote]
That’s crap. So the people who call him out on some of stupid creepy things he writes or his general misogynistic attitude towards women are “depressives?” I for one am happy he’s happy, but also feels he’s deluding himself about how happy he is.

[quote]
I’m not sure if it’s a misguided attempt to feel better about themselves by attacking or making fun of someone else,[/quote]
I don’t feel better at all being in this thread. I’ve been pleading for him to stop sharing the ultra personal information about his personal life and intimate details about his wife. And it has nothing to do with a “prudish” attitude on my part. It has to do with respect.

[quote]
or it’s something they can’t control very well because they are truly unhappy.[/quote]
You must have a different type of keyboard than I have. Mine doesn’t tell me the emotional states of anonymous posters.

Says you. I see a certain willingness to overlook his enormous faults because you drank his woe-is-me coolaid. Years ago he said he was so frustrated that he was thinking of going to SE Asia and buying a bride. Now you celebrate his good fortune in landing a little star struck Cinderella? Do you congratulate the old farts in Tansui on their 20 year old 300,000NT Vietnamese brides?

Ugh, the race card of the passive aggressive.

No shucking fit. :aiyo:

tommy525 · November 16, 2013, 4:49pm

Goes to show, nobody changes. A tiger won’t change his stripes no matter what. You go in a thread being who you are and it shows. There is the good , the bad and the ugly. And a thread is not going to change who you are. This thread has certainly shown that. Nobody has changed who they are, and their words show it.

It could make you more of what you are though. Those that are basically good, will see ways to be gooder (yes its not a word but you know what I mean). Those who are basically bad will be badder. And those who are evil inside are not going to become good. Your evil nature will make your world more evil.

You are not going to be able to change who you are deep inside and your view of your life and the world YOU live in. If you are basically pessimistic, you are going to remain so. And you will want to disbelieve there is anything other then doom in your life and in the life of others. You will look for areas that can bring doom and dwell on it. Eventually you will realize your own doom.

If you are an optimistic person you will see where optimism reigns in your life and will want to promote it in others.

A smart person will be able to decide how he can find the way to what he/she wants, and let others find their own way.

The way to working together is not to change people but to accept them. And work with who they are. Avoid those who do not share your thinking. Avoid flying with turkeys if you aim to sore with eagles.

Which is why many family members don’t get along because they are stuck with each other to an extent. Until such time that they can go their own way.

Same with the work environment. Some people you can’t avoid but you should.

Alright enough preachin.

Avoid those that don’t share your views if you can. Keep on keeping on your path. Stay away from evil .

Ermintrude · November 16, 2013, 4:52pm

You’re a nice guy, tommy. Have a good day.

rodeo · November 16, 2013, 6:38pm

nevermind…

So, to conclude.

pgdaddy1 · November 16, 2013, 8:57pm

Yep, I am starting to feel like this thread is in a parallel universe.

Tomas · November 19, 2013, 3:21am

Yep, I am starting to feel like this thread is in a parallel universe.[/quote]

To be clear, my comments on the previous page were not directed at either of you. I don’t see either of you as cruel or bullying. More like a couple of old aunties wagging your fingers of warning at our (not so) young friend, Tommy525.

I have an issue with people who bully others online. I have an issue with excessive rudeness, with unnecessary harshness. I’ve always disliked bullies, have always resisted them and called them on their behavior. I’ve never regretted that.

Maybe some people don’t see the bullying in this thread. I do and it pisses me off. So I’m going to hit back, let the bullies know exactly what I think of their behavior.

I’m not attempting to be a hero or elevate my standing here. I don’t care about that. I’m not defending all of Tommy525’s decisions or behavior. I’m not a close friend, thought I do know him IRL.

I think Ermintrude said it best when she wrote that you don’t use a bazooka to shoot a rabbit, or something to that effect. I see nastiness in this thread directed at a person who does not deserve it and it pisses me off. That’s why I wrote what I wrote.

tommy525 · November 19, 2013, 7:03am

There really ought to be a thread about tommy’s thread I guess. Which should be separate from this thread.
I think I will continue to write about little bay area adventures when they happen. I invite those who can not get a smile from reading this thread to excuse themselves. And I dont mean getting a smile from being sadistic or grand standing.

THis is just a simple fun thread. IF you are not enjoying being here in this thread, why do you stay?

There are other better threads for you to participate in . Thanks for coming but here’s your (virtual) money back , you can go home now.

Those that can see some form of entertainment are invited to stop by again every now and then.

New and funner adventures could happen.

Peace out.

pgdaddy1 · November 19, 2013, 8:09am

Yep, I am starting to feel like this thread is in a parallel universe.[/quote]

To be clear, my comments on the previous page were not directed at either of you. I don’t see either of you as cruel or bullying. More like a couple of old aunties wagging your fingers of warning at our (not so) young friend, Tommy525.

I have an issue with people who bully others online. I have an issue with excessive rudeness, with unnecessary harshness. I’ve always disliked bullies, have always resisted them and called them on their behavior. I’ve never regretted that.

Maybe some people don’t see the bullying in this thread. I do and it pisses me off. So I’m going to hit back, let the bullies know exactly what I think of their behavior.

I’m not attempting to be a hero or elevate my standing here. I don’t care about that. I’m not defending all of Tommy525’s decisions or behavior. I’m not a close friend, thought I do know him IRL.

I think Ermintrude said it best when she wrote that you don’t use a bazooka to shoot a rabbit, or something to that effect. I see nastiness in this thread directed at a person who does not deserve it and it pisses me off. That’s why I wrote what I wrote.[/quote]

The majority of the voices on this thread are still reasonable though, reasonableness does prevail and the attention-seeking posters tend to go away sooner or later when they see that their comments are not really getting the attention that they crave. I am not sure if there is much real effective bullying going on though because:

Tommy has chose to make these extremely candid disclosures on a public forum and that is bound to attract comments and opinions. I doubt very much that what anyone says here is really going to hurt him, and he will carry on posting in the same way.
Most of the “bullies” end up making themselves looking silly, duplicitous, narcissistic and attention-seeking because they start to contradict themselves, fight amongst each other, and end up talking more about their supposed persecution by the Mods etc. than about the comment of this thread.

Tomas · November 19, 2013, 8:27am

Yep, I am starting to feel like this thread is in a parallel universe.[/quote]

To be clear, my comments on the previous page were not directed at either of you. I don’t see either of you as cruel or bullying. More like a couple of old aunties wagging your fingers of warning at our (not so) young friend, Tommy525.

I have an issue with people who bully others online. I have an issue with excessive rudeness, with unnecessary harshness. I’ve always disliked bullies, have always resisted them and called them on their behavior. I’ve never regretted that.

Maybe some people don’t see the bullying in this thread. I do and it pisses me off. So I’m going to hit back, let the bullies know exactly what I think of their behavior.

I’m not attempting to be a hero or elevate my standing here. I don’t care about that. I’m not defending all of Tommy525’s decisions or behavior. I’m not a close friend, thought I do know him IRL.

I think Ermintrude said it best when she wrote that you don’t use a bazooka to shoot a rabbit, or something to that effect. I see nastiness in this thread directed at a person who does not deserve it and it pisses me off. That’s why I wrote what I wrote.[/quote]

The majority of the voices on this thread are still reasonable though, reasonableness does prevail and the attention-seeking posters tend to go away sooner or later when they see that their comments are not really getting the attention that they crave. I am not sure if there is much real effective bullying going on though because:

Tommy has chose to make these extremely candid disclosures on a public forum and that is bound to attract comments and opinions. I doubt very much that what anyone says here is really going to hurt him, and he will carry on posting in the same way.
Most of the “bullies” end up making themselves looking silly, duplicitous, narcissistic and attention-seeking because they start to contradict themselves, fight amongst each other, and end up talking more about their supposed persecution by the Mods etc. than about the comment of this thread.[/quote]

You’re a pleasant surprise my friend. I’ve gone from wanting to give you a wedgie to wanting to buy you a drink . Really, I mean it.

I know Tommy doesn’t need me to defend him. I’m not posting for that purpose. I just don’t like rudeness where it isn’t warranted, and bullying makes me want to hit back. I felt the same way when you were getting slapped way back when.

Ermintrude · November 19, 2013, 8:59am

Pow! Take that Smellmintrude!

tomthorne · November 19, 2013, 11:37am

I dunno

tommy525 · November 19, 2013, 4:42pm

Put the whole thread in temp ! Then nobody will remember who said what, when , how. AFter all , its all really “in the moment” and not meant to be carved in stone here. I will still take away who is/has been a pal and who are people I will avoid in real life.

The threads a fun thread, not a shitfest. Those of you who believe two people meeting and falling in love and getting married is a not a happy thing can drown in your own cesspit of unhappiness, because that is what you are. Realize it.

pgdaddy1 · November 19, 2013, 9:45pm

[quote=“Tomas”]

You’re a pleasant surprise my friend. I’ve gone from wanting to give you a wedgie to wanting to buy you a drink . Really, I mean it.

I know Tommy doesn’t need me to defend him. I’m not posting for that purpose. I just don’t like rudeness where it isn’t warranted, and bullying makes me want to hit back. I felt the same way when you were getting slapped way back when.[/quote]

Thanks Tomas. But actually looking back. probably 90% or more of the stuff that was said about me was correct. In a way, it may have done me some good by helping me realise that I needed to change. And the fact that I am now reunited and happily married with the woman with whom I fought a bitter international custody battle for our child is either some kind of miracle, or a testament to the strength of the human spirit. I could tell my story too here and perhaps I will one day, but I will never again include intimate personal details about anyone in my family. For one, it shows a lack of respect for both oneself and those close to you. These things are for talking to your close friends about but never publicising it to the world.

Tommy’'s latest reaction, which is not typical at all for him, shows that he has been affected by what people say. So I was wrong on that point. It could be what he actually needs though, and might be the first step in a course that changes the way he views himself, women and relationships in general.

tommy525 · November 19, 2013, 10:05pm

Can i just say that tommy will be the way he is. Don’t bother changing him or his view of or his world.

I’m just having fun in this tread, not ever have asked for advice. Not a crying out because of some need

But its not fun anymore. It was meant to be a happy thread, but some of you guys need to get a life !

If its not fun? I ain’t gonna write more stories.

Don’t want you guys having it out at each other either.

Never asked for help from any one of you. I am fine. Are you ?

But I don’t want you guys getting all bent out of shape on a basically fun thread.

Far as I am concerned, better to bin the whole thing.

I can post stories on a new thread.

This will allow some old wounds mongst you to heal.

Me? i don’t have any wounds. Because frankly I don’t and won’t change because of you. And you won’t because of me.

Just be busy being YOU and don’t worry bout others being THEM will ya?

ssshh, you guys are NOT more fun then a barrel of monkeys. But yoU are ACTING LIKE ONE.