Last August my Taiwanese father-in-law passed away. Below are some observations regarding his funeral. I only post what I considered interesting aspects of the many traditional customs during this event. I am no expert on Taiwan customs. Comments on what I observed and heard are my personal feelings and may not jive with what an expert knows about these customs. I did not prod people to describe the customs in detail to me and my Chinese is definitely not good enough to go into that level of detail…and then some people could only describe in Taiwanese.
I break my comments into separate parts. I hope not too long and boring…but then again only those that are interested will read. I did not take many photos….mostly out of respect…and I am not a big picture taker. A few shown are sourced from others. The location was in Douliou county area….in a small neighborhood mostly filled with farmers in a small town.
Timing and body
Since my father-in-law (Mr Lai) died during Ghost Month the funeral needed to wait until 13 days later….of course, needed to check which day was best. Mr Lai’s body lay in rest at the house starting the day after he died. The body was in a freezer.
Main events
Seven days after Mr Lai’s death a special prayer service was arranged. From 6:00pm to 9:00pm a group of ladies led the family members in prayer. Afterwards a large bonfire was lit.
The funeral was a day and a half long event. The first day was comprised mostly of praying followed by a large bonfire. The next day visitors paid their respects. The family also had a ceremony involving Mr Lai’s body which included family members saying some words…like a niece living in Spain asked her brother to read a letter. Then Mr Lai’s body was pulled out of the house and prayers were said with everyone in attendance. Then a small marching band comprised of 8 young women playing saxophones paraded around the body. Then Mr Lai was loaded into the vehicle to take him to the cremation facility. However, first, the marching band led Mr Lai’s vehicle on a parade to the outskirts of town….family members and visitors walked together for about a mile. Then we left the visitors and drove with Mr Lai to the cremation facility. Mr Lai’s ashes were then brought to the storage tower.
Funeral/ancestor plaque
I am not sure what the official formal name is for the plaque honoring Mr Lai which is to be placed at the home ancestry worship area. Well, we picked up this plaque at the cremation facility and brought to a temple which hosts such plaques. Because someone needs to attend this plaque daily with prayers and incense for 100 continuous days with no interruption…nowadays you can bring to a temple where they will attend to the plaque every day for 100 days. After 100 days you can bring the plaque home.
Funeral alter and daily monitoring
A small funeral alter was erected outside the house for daily prayers. Every morning some food and water was placed at the funeral alter. A set of Mr Lai’s clothes was put on a stand next to the alter. A large incense stick was lit and could not be left unattended so new stick needed to be lit to replace the old. Visitors to the house would pay their respects to Mr Lai at the alter.
According to tradition someone must be attending to the funeral alter 24 hours a day. I took the midnight to 6:00 am shift because I could not help with assisting guests/visitors during the day.
Politicians
In addition to friends of the family various politicians came to the house to pay respects. I found this a nice touch as Mr Lai was definitely just an ordinary citizen. Of course, politicians have their motives but nice to see Mr Lai’s wife hosting some influential people if even for a few minutes.
Incense sticks
A large incense stick was placed at the funeral alter which needed to be lit 24 hours until the funeral day. This stick was watched very carefully and replaced regularly. Small incense sticks were lit for every visitor to the funeral alter when paying respects. Also, incense sticks were provided for everyone who attended the funeral.
Small fires and large bonfires
Next to the funeral alter a small fire pot was used to burn various types of paper. This fire was supposed to burn 24 hours per day until the funeral. However, most of the family tried to discourage the Mr Lai’s wife from keeping this lit all day long so probably was burning about 12 hours per day.
After the seventh day prayer service and on the day of the funeral large bonfires were lit inside large metal cages. The prayer service bonfire included many bags of paper, Mr Lai’s old clothes, some new clothes, and shoes. The funeral bonfire was more paper, clothes and paper replicas of a house, a benz, and a refrigerator. The bonfire was quite large and burned for about 2 hours. The bonfire metal cage was put in the small alley next to the house.
For the Seventh day prayer service the funeral service company suggested two bags of paper to be burned by each close family member at the event which was usually 7….meaning 14 bags. For the funeral the funeral service company suggested 4 bags of paper per person….meaning 28 bags…but my wife and a few others rejected and only used 2 bags per person.
Meat hanging near funeral alter
Since the funeral alter was erected during ghost month a piece of meat (wrapped in plastic) was hung near the alter. I was told this was to protect visitors to the alter as the ghosts would be attracted to the meat instead of to the visitors.
Road closure for funeral tent
My wife went to a police station to inform them we would close the road in front of the house for day and a half. The police only asked her to draw a map showing where and how she planned to close off the road.
Prayer ladies
Five prayer ladies assisted with the Seventh day prayer service and the funeral. They basically led everyone in prayers and also prayed separately in a chant style. They rang bells and small drums during the prayers. I was amazed at their stamina. You try to chant while dinging a bell for 6 hours in a day without missing a beat. They did take water breaks but those breaks were for about 30 seconds then back to chanting.
For the funeral day they did a specific chant that the family members could join so a booklet was passed out with the chant lyrics. I was amazed that one of the ladies chanting had memorized the two hour chant. I was also amazed that they did not charge for their services….all were volunteers. I was dead tired just participating…they were doing all the work.
Lights on
All the lights in the house had to be left on all night long….for over 10 days until the funeral I was told this was to help Mr Lai find his way home…if he did come to the house. My wife finally convinced her mother that not every bright light in every bedroom had to be on….so eventually people could sleep in a dimmer lit room.
Spouse cannot attend funeral
Spouses of the deceased are not supposed to attend funeral events. I was told is because fear that the deceased might want to take their spouse with them. For me a little sad seeing Mr Lai’s wife of so many years not being able to participate in her husband’s funeral.
Traditional clothing
Family members wore what I deem traditional clothing during the funeral. Basically was a hat and a loose shirt. Each category of relative wore different outfit. Sons were one type. Daughters another type. Son-in-laws and daughter-in-laws also had their own styles.
Flowers and other gifts
Besides flowers the family received gifts of packaged drinks of various types. This included packages of beer cans. My brother-in-law would cut open the packaging…drink some beers and then put the empty can back in the package…which he would tape back up.
Two towers of drinks were about 2 meters high on a base which was a meter high. The top included flashing lights which used solar power and would turn on at night. The delivery man had to assemble the 7 tiers of drinks which took him close to two hours. He also had to wrap the drinks to keep them from falling over. If you want people to notice your funeral gift then this is what you send….there is no place to stash such a big gift.
Final nail in the coffin
There was a small ceremony to officially nail the coffin shut. The oldest male relative performs this task.
The good and bad of these activities…just my personal opinion of course…
A lot of burning of incense, paper, clothes, etc. I mean a lot. Since I took the midnight to 6am shift I could refrain from burning so much paper and my wife tried to cut down as much as possible in the daily paper burning…but still a huge amount. For the two big bonfires the family basically had to consider any safety issues…no one else was around.
A lot of fighting caused by what I deemed selfish relatives. Some activities were not held but requested by relatives. For example, one relative wanted Mr Lai’s wife to hire the professional cryers. However, if hired that meant the female family members must accompany the cryers and crawl on their knees down the road to the house. My wife and her sisters refused….they had done this task before at their grandmother’s funeral
the practices during most religious ceremonies are normally nothing short of insane and a painfully obvious money grab from those taking advantage of such affiliated folks. But it makes them happy and justifies ther past…so, let it be?