ABT woman here, mid-20s, have tried dating a number of natives in the past. Virtually of them were failed experiments. Some are too shy and sexually conservative for me, or they take on that “big brotherly” attitude that I know is well-intentioned but I just don’t care for, and others I just find immature and unable to connect with me on a meaningful level.
The only one I got particularly hung up on was a really charming guy who, at the time we met, had just had a falling out with his girlfriend of many years after catching her cheating on him…twice. It was the first time sparks really flew between me and a Taiwanese guy. I thought it had potential, but also knew that I could only realistically be a rebound for him at least in some regard, so I figured I would give him some time and maybe we could pick things up later.
Well, to my surprise, he forgave her, and they got back together. He told me that during the forgiveness process he went behind her back several times to sleep with other women after the incident, probably as a way of having his revenge. He stopped after a while, I guess after having had the chance to rebuild his ego, but now that I’m back in the country, he wants to pick up where we left off.
I’m obviously not interested in being somebody’s 小三. I just can’t really understand what’s going on. In my mind this relationship would be irretrievable. If I found myself in a similar situation, I’d just cut my losses and find someone new that I didn’t have such bitter experiences with. So I can’t figure out why he would choose to stay in an otherwise ruined relationship. Is it the fact that they’ve spent almost six years together now? That she’s thin and conventionally attractive? Or is it what my native family members are telling me – that it’s because she comes from a wealthy family, and can offer him fun times and financial security? “It’s all about the money,” my mother says.
My Chinese probably isn’t good enough. I probably just can’t analyze Taiwanese men accurately, the way I can American men. I think it’s also hard for me to accept that the one person here I really felt a little fire with could really be this superficial. So I thought it’d be worth asking for a few more opinions, from people who hopefully have a little more experience than me.
tl;dr: Do Taiwanese men tend to be shallow? Do they care mainly about money and looks? Or have I just come across a garden variety asshole, and can’t see it because I don’t know what a Taiwanese garden variety asshole looks like? What’s really important to them? What matters when they’re looking for a girlfriend?
Thanks a lot for reading if you read the whole thing. I know it sounds really stupid. I just have a burning desire to figure this out.