my boyfriend just lost his temper again this morning…after a night out drinking with his buddies. he got hit by a car and the car ran away. when the police came, they didn’t understand him and he was too drunk to listen to people. so the police called me and I had to apologize a hundred times to prevent them putting him in the jail…because when I got there, he was poingting at the police’s faces and yelling fuck you and of course he was very drunk… the police let us go without taking it further…thank god for this!!!
on our way home, he started to yell at me too…“get the fuck out of my house”…we’ve lived together for 7 months now…“slut” “you are a fucking whore” “I wish you be lonely when you get old” …well, there were a lot more…he accused me being selfish too…I was the one that was waiting and being worried at home all night
he peobably will forget what happened just now and beg for forgiveness when he wakes up…he can forget what he says to me but wouldn’t forget I said I regret for moving in
Maybe you can come down to Shida…they are making T-shirts to stop abuse. Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse…it breaks you down until you feel like the abuser is right.
I always ask myself…will I still be friends with a friend that abuses me verbally? Usually we let lovers get away with a lot more than we let strangers/friends do.Which is such crap, because you should be extra special to that person.
Also ask yourself…are you really happy with this person? Are you constantly scared of being belittled and have you changed your ways/life to prevent it? That is not right.
He is not an excellent boyfriend. Excellent boyfriends could NEVER look at you and call you a slut. That has to be dormant thoughts that surface because he is drunk. What would he do if you told him to get out of the house? If you called him names?
It’s not so much THAT he yelled, because getting hit by a car is not a pleasant experience. It’s WHAT he yelled. What he said to you is inexcusable.
Go get a tee-shirt made that says, “My excellent boyfriend thinks I am a slut and a whore when he’s drunk!”
He may be praying he forgets what he said in the hope that you will forget too.
Don’t let him.
That problem is easily solved. Move out.
I am very sorry this has happened to you, but now is not the time to let this kind of thing fade away. The more it happens, the worse you will feel about yourself.
The words that come out when drunk are often words with underlying meanings. The fact that he calls you a slut and whore show a complete lack of respect for women. The fact that he told you to get out of his house means he still does not think of it as “our” house. It is “My” house.
I think that these things are bad signs of things to come.
I agree. I think we often say things we regret when we’re drunk, but there’s often an element of our true thoughts in there, although usually wrong thoughts and usually blown up out of all proportion (we often think we’re super good-looking or great fighters when we’re drunk, which are both sadly rarely true).
If you really like him that much, tell him how he behaved and how it can never happen again. Do not accept an apology (because he will think he can just apologise each time if you do), and make it clear that NEXT TIME HE GETS DRUNK (before the abuse), you will leave and never see him again, because you deserve a better, more mature boyfriend. Do it for his sake as well as yours… And next time the police call you, tell them he can take him, and forget about him.
(I’m a ‘last chance’ kind of person, because people can change, but if they can’t change when you give them a serious ultimatum, then it’s time to find someone new. )
Get the fuck OUT. Don’t hang around. What he’s like when he’s slurring drunk? Kiddo, THAT’S the real him. Believe otherwise and you are kidding yourself.
Trust me. It starts with calling you a whore, etc. Then later it’ll be a push in the chest to go along with it, maybe a slap further down the line. Or maybe a punch.
You’ve been living together for a measly 7 months and he’s already done this once before?
He’s had his chance, I’d say. Someone who gets wasted with his buddies, comes home and abuses you DOES NOT RESPECT YOU. I’ve heard that sometimes couples who hate one another can actually still manage to get along pretty well. I’ve never heard of couples lasting when simple civil respect is lacking.
[quote=“Stray Dog”]If you really like him that much, tell him how he behaved and how it can never happen again. Do not accept an apology (because he will think he can just apologise each time if you do), and make it clear that NEXT TIME HE GETS DRUNK (before the abuse), you will leave and never see him again, because you deserve a better, more mature boyfriend. Do it for his sake as well as yours… And next time the police call you, tell them he can take him, and forget about him.
(I’m a ‘last chance’ kind of person, because people can change, but if they can’t change when you give them a serious ultimatum, then it’s time to find someone new. )[/quote]
I agree with Stray Dog. Be clear that you will not allow it to happen again, and if it does you’re gone. For good.
Make him understand that there is no excuse for his behaviour, and that he can’t use the, “I was drunk and didn’t know what I was doing/saying” defense.
I have a friend who likes to go out with his buddies and get wasted from time to time. The more drunk he gets the more he talks about his wife, how much he loves her and what a great, sweet, caring and understanding woman and mother she is. She, of course, is fine with that!
In Denmark there’s a saying: “The truth shall be heard from children and drunk people.”
He sounds like scum. Only the lowest of the low would speak to his partner like that. The fact that you’d just bailed out his undeserving arse makes it all the more inexcusable. Dump the garbage.
It’s a pity the cops kid-gloved him like that - they should have cuffed him in both senses of the word and thrown him into a cell for the night. I’d like to see him try that crap with big, mean, no-nonsense American or British cops - he’d learn a good lesson from it quickly enough!
Although I am a “second chances” kind of guy (like Stray Dog), on more reflection I would have to agree that, for your safety, it’s probably best to get out now. These things tend to get violent at some stage, and you don’t want to stick around for that.
But don’t think we won’t support you no matter what you decide. I am sure that everyone on this board has had the experience of staying in a relationship that everyone else has urged them to bail on. It is easier to see things clearly when you are not deeply involved in them. No matter what you choose, I wish you the best. And if you do stay, leave at a later date, and feel a fool for not having left early- you can have the comfort of knowing that most of us have been there.
A good boyfriend wouldn’t be getting so shitfaced that you have to apologize to the cops.
A good boyfriend wouldn’t yell fuck you at the cops.
And a good boyfriend certainly wouldn’t say things like that to you – not EVEN when drunk.
What you have, IMO, is the start of a very bad relationship, one that might even turn violent and dangerous (even fatal) someday, but love is blinding you to this fact. You need to get out now. You’ll thank yourself when you look back on it in a few years.
Looking at this thread so far, you’ll see there’s pretty much consensus on this. Get out while you can.
Grrrr! Just posted a lengthy response to this and lost it all. How does that happen?
But anyway, the gist was, get out now. There is one very clear sign you are taking on the most dangerous aspect to this sort of thing aside from the threat of actual violence or indeed death. That is, you are somehow already reconciling this abusive behaviour and in the same breathe saying he’s a good, no you actually said “great” boyfriend.
It’s a short jump from verbal to physical human punching bag and a shorter one to the morgue. I;m sure he’ll feel bad about it.
And no, I am not being melodramatic. Read a newspaper someday and pay attention to just who it is that murders women. It is almost never some psycho in an ice hockey mask.
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