Wack Things in Taiwan (part 3)

Taiwan Living in Taiwan
1

I can’t enter the previous thread for some reason, so here we go with a new one.

I have a mate in Banqiao who runs a hiking gear store. I usually visit him three times a week, either to chat or teach him English, or both. Since my daily clothes have all been purchased from Michael’s shop (every day I wear Lowe Alpine clothes and Asolo boots), I am occasionally observed with interest by customers who view me as a sort of walking model for his products. Of course, both my friend and his wife wear Lowe Alpine gear every day as well, but the locals seem to find a foreigner more interesting to look at.

In this capacity I am subjected to scrutiny from various angles, and field the odd comment about styles, colours, and appearance. I do my best to help sell the goods, and sometimes take the customer over to the clothing racks to help them look further. Sometimes the comments and subsequent conversations are odd indeed. Here’s one which happened this Tuesday just gone (translated to English):

Woman: [pointing to me] Oh, those pants are a good colour! [comes over to have a closer look] Oh, that blue is really good.

Me: [standing still] Yes, it’s good.

Woman: [actually plucking at the legs of my trousers while she speaks with her husband] Look, these are really good looking. So handsome!

Me: [wishing she would let go] I’ll give you a look. [turns slowly on the spot, causing her to release her grip on my trousers]

Woman: [changing subject] Oh, that shirt is great too, what a good colour. [clutches the sleeve of my shirt] Oh, so handsome!

Me: Mph.

Woman: [investigating the shirt’s breast pocket by unzipping it and casually exploring its interior with a free hand] Great, so smart!

Me: [having had enough of being manhandled] Come with me and I’ll show you the others. [I had a talk with my friend later about how in Australia you just don’t paw people you’ve never met before]

I led her over to the wall where the women’s shirts were.

Me: Here, have a look.

Woman: Oh, that’s great, so many colours.

Me: There’s this one in blue…

Woman: They look great.

Me: [taking the pink one] This one’s very pretty. I bought it to give to my wife.

Woman: Oh really? It’s so pretty! Can you put the sleeves up?

Me: Yes, you can put them up like this. [shows her]

Woman: Oh, great.

A later conversation was even more strange, and a little unfortunate:

Woman: [to my friend, apparently forgetting I can speak Chinese] Where does he come from?

Me: I come from Australia.

[my friend laughs, and the woman turns to me in surprise]

Woman: Oh, Australia!

Me: Yes. Melbourne

Woman: [predictably] I like the kangaroo! [imitates kangaroo using her hands as the kangaroo’s forepaws, and bobs up and down, as if I’ve never seen one before]

Me: [enthusiastically] Kangaroo is very delicious!

Woman: Oh. I’m a vegetarian.

Me: [thinking ‘oops’] Mph.

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2

I think this article is pretty whack:

chinapost.com.tw/taiwan/111134.htm

Especially the end (blame the “abnormal behavior”–aka “sex” on the chick!):

[i]The police said that the girl student took the bus to school every day and frequently chatted with drivers at the head office of Chung Hsing Bus Co., which is just across from her school, thus getting familiar with the drivers.

One day last October, she suddenly asked Chen Hsin-cheng,“Do you want to make love with me?” Chen soon became the first driver to have sex with her.

Then the girl had sex with the other four drivers on the bus, in the park toilet, and at motels.

In March this year, the girl found herself pregnant and then told the drivers, none of whom dared continue such abnormal ties with her.

The father then took his daughter to a private hospital for an abortion.

A hospital doctor said that the young woman’s abnormal practices are reflective of an Electra complex, as she liked to make love with men close to her father’s age.[/i]

3

Sex is not abnormal, but having sex with several random bus drivers old enough to be her father and getting herself pregnant in the process, at the age of 17, is, I daresay, not entirely normal.

4

So, I just got back from having dinner with my wife and daughter at the local beef noodle shop.

We walked in, sat down at our table, I got up and walked across the room to pick up a side dish and when I walked back to our table there’s this chubby, round headed boy standing at my seat, right next to our table, close enough that his belly is rubbing up against the table and he’s standing there looking at my wife and daughter, maybe talking to them, I don’t know, but surely he must know them, but then I notice that they don’t appear to be speaking with him at all but are poring over the menu and he’s standing there rubbing against the table watching them.

Then I realize – though I’m behind him and can’t see his face – that being all round and chubby like that and standing there all friendly right in front of the table of a total stranger, he must have Downs Syndrome. But then he turns his head and I see he doesn’t. He just seems to be some fat kid who wandered over and planted himself right at our table, in fact right next to my seat so I can’t sit down. So I say “helloooooo” to him and eventually he turns and wanders away so I can take my seat.

We eat our dinner, I get up to go pay the check, walk back to the table and, wtf, there he is again, standing at my seat, belly rubbing up against our table, staring at my wife and daughter. His mom’s seated alone at another table across the room and both times was completely aware of what was happening but acted as though there was nothing unusual (or wrong) about it at all, as if it’s perfectly normal to waltz up to a stranger’s table, and butt in so close that one of the strangers can’t even sit down because the fat little kid’s standing directly in his place.

Weird. Fat little fucker. Ignorant mom. Strange incident.

5

Sorry, MT. I was drunk. Won’t happen again. :blush:

6

No problem. Actually, so was I, which only added to the experience. I couldn’t quite figure what was going on.

7

Saw this on the MRT the other day.

A family, I presume, get on the train at CKS Memorial Hall: a father and mother, possibly 55 or so, and 2 adult daughters in their 20’s. The father is leading the way. They enter a part of the train which is completely deserted, so they can sit down anywhere they like but, as the train gets under way, the father walks up the carriage looking for the ‘right’ place to sit. He unwittingly leads them into a more heavily populated area, where they cannot sit down together as a family. The father pauses at a central pole, looks at all the taken seats, looks back down the carriage from whence they came and begins a retreat. The family follow him back to the deserted part of the carriage, where I recline, and they choose four seats on which to sit. The father points at a seat and tells his wife to sit down. His wife points at a seat for a daughter, who declines her offer. The two daughters then try to sit in the same seat simultaneously and fail.

Etc.

Then the red lights start flashing to indicate that the next station is approaching. After a few seconds the train breaks heavily, forcing the family to cease their gesticulations and politesse and hold on. A few seconds later, the train starts to enter the NTU Hospital Station. One of the daughters looks out the window then moves towards the door. Her family follow. The train stops, the doors open, and they all get out the train never once having spread their assholes against the fine blue plastic of the Taipei Rapid Transit Corporation.

8

The people who work in the post office bank always tell me that foreigners can’t receive money for the receipt lottery. They always ask me if I have a Taiwanese friend or co-worker that can collect the money for me. I tell them I don’t have any Taiwanese friends and I can collect the money myself. After discussing with everyone who works in the office, they eventually give it to me. This happens every time. I feel like telling them, I pay much more tax than you do and I probably buy a lot more stuff than you too. I contribute much more to Taiwan’s GDP than you do, I deserve this money more than you!

9

No, you’re stealing that money from the poor people with Down’s syndrome and in wheelchairs. You should give all your winning receipts to those guys who annoy you at traffic lights trying to make you buy a set of plastic combs you’ll never use or a box of tissues.

10

Old men who stand in what looks like boxer shorts and wife-beater t-shirt in front of 7-11 reading the newspaper every morning.
People who park their cars in the scooter lane and inches away from parked scooters while they go have lunch so no one can get their scooters out. (maybe this one should be in the Pet Peeves thread)

11

Haven’t you got a key with you. :whistle:

12

[quote=“Mother Theresa”]So, I just got back from having dinner with my wife and daughter at the local beef noodle shop.

We walked in, sat down at our table, I got up and walked across the room to pick up a side dish and when I walked back to our table there’s this chubby, round headed boy standing at my seat, right next to our table, close enough that his belly is rubbing up against the table and he’s standing there looking at my wife and daughter, maybe talking to them, I don’t know, but surely he must know them, but then I notice that they don’t appear to be speaking with him at all but are poring over the menu and he’s standing there rubbing against the table watching them.

Then I realize – though I’m behind him and can’t see his face – that being all round and chubby like that and standing there all friendly right in front of the table of a total stranger, he must have Downs Syndrome. But then he turns his head and I see he doesn’t. He just seems to be some fat kid who wandered over and planted himself right at our table, in fact right next to my seat so I can’t sit down. So I say “helloooooo” to him and eventually he turns and wanders away so I can take my seat.

We eat our dinner, I get up to go pay the check, walk back to the table and, wtf, there he is again, standing at my seat, belly rubbing up against our table, staring at my wife and daughter. His mom’s seated alone at another table across the room and both times was completely aware of what was happening but acted as though there was nothing unusual (or wrong) about it at all, as if it’s perfectly normal to waltz up to a stranger’s table, and butt in so close that one of the strangers can’t even sit down because the fat little kid’s standing directly in his place.

Weird. Fat little fucker. Ignorant mom. Strange incident.[/quote]
Now see, you’re a much better man than me. I would have either clipped (flicked) his ear to get his attention, or “gently” nudged him to the side with a “Bugger off to your own table!”

:roflmao: Picturing that made me laugh. Thanks, mate. :thumbsup:

13

We were having dinner in a large buffet place recently – halfway through our meal, a coach pulled up outside and a 30-strong tour group came in (my wife listened to their chat as they passed us and proclaimed, “Mainlanders!”). They took their seats, then got up and headed to the food. After piling up their plates they had to pass the waste trolley to get back to their tables, which was piled high with used dishes, bowls and a container full of dirty chopsticks. I saw at least 2 folks reach in as they passed and pull out a pair of sticks to eat with … shudder.

2 Likes
14

sigh Mainlanders… :idunno:

15

The INVASION has finally happened. Just not in the way people had thought. :slight_smile:

16

Junk-mail from HiNet in letterbox this morning advertising their new Internet Porno Gatekeeper.

17

Question: Does that keep you from seeing porno, or does it open the gate to even more porno? I’m assuming the former, but you never know. Being Taiwan and all.

18

Ah, you know it’s porn prevention (or i hope it is - am going by the kid pictures on the leaflet). “Adult” would be far more advisable. Porn is adult’s bad cousin who lives in the wrong part of Englishtown, and porno… god, that’s just porn’s creepy neighbour.

19

I don’t even know anymore. I just know “edited crap on HBO” so, DL it from the web. And something where I see bare-ass, but not sure if it’s porn or not, 'cos I couldn’t be bothered.

20

To me, this is whack beyond whack -and I also had a Coca Cola habit, but not at this extreme:

[quote]A seven-year-old girl in Hsinchu City, found with severe gastric ulcers Friday after subsisting largely on a diet of Coke and chocolate, is serving as a reminder to parents and children alike that candy and soft drinks have devastating effects on the human body.
On Dec. 10, the girl developed severe stomach pains and was throwing up blood clots and bile. Her parents rushed her to the hospital, where doctors performed a gastroscopy on the girl, discovering that she had severe gastric ulcers, rare for that young age.

As it turns out, the girl drank at least one liter of Coke per day and ate chocolate with every meal. The large doses of caffeine in her diet, compounded with a genetic leaning towards stomach ulcers, caused her near life-threatening predicament.

[/quote]
chinapost.com.tw/taiwan/loca … uffers.htm

I guess, of course, that the parents let her have all the diet Coke she wanted because “it has no sugar”. :doh: Ay, Diosito, Diosito…