I am pretty sure I am going to end things with my boyfriend tomorrow. If I can even get him a) on the phone or get him to leave his work long enough for me to talk to him.
Thing is, I really don’t want to. But I need to. I know it will end anyways. And I know why and how. He works too much. He neglects me. He doesn’t return my phone calls half the time, he hasn’t stayed over but twice this month. I know he is busy, but I know others who are also busy. Who are as busy. Who spend only about an hour a week with their women, but an hour a week is still an hour a week more than I get. So yeah, I really should leave.
So here is the question:
When you love someone, but the relationship is shit; when you really love the person and don’t want to hurt them; when you want to at least stay friends, how do you end it?
Second question:
I know he is going to tell me he will change (which he won’t). I know he will ask me to stay (and I know I should not). How do you keep the strength to stand your ground?
I know he will give me excuses. he always has so many of them. and they are always good excuses. but I really think that if he really wanted to be with me, he would work out the excuses, get through the shit, and be with me. Since it is clear to me that I am his last priority.
Blah. Any advice on how to do this without becoming a crying mess? I am not very good at the entire breakup thing. Not all that experienced in it. Most of my relationships have been very long and died due to school, work, both, location, or other such.
I did it once. Just said it’s finished and that was it.
3 days later I bumped into him in the street - not too suprisingly, considering that I’d been walking around the block where he lived for 2 hours. So it started all over again until he left the country a few months later.
Takes about a year to get over a thing like this. Be brave.
I don’t know the answers to your questions, FOB, but you have my sympathy. It must be a terribly difficult time for you right now. I’m thinking of you and wishing you the best.
It’s hard. Just do it immediately before you change your mind. and then try to stick to it. Cut off all contact and try to avoid him. It sounds like you really don’t want to cut it off but need to. Those are the type of break ups that may take several tries. But if it’s wrong, eventually, you will really get sick of it and you’ll finally find the courage to leave him. Sometimes, he has to break your heart several times. Remind yourself how low on the totem pole you are on his list, and how much respect you have for yourself.
Love should not feel as if you are giving up yourself to suit his needs. If you were important to him, he would make an effort…And he didn’t.
Leave. It’ll get better eventually.
[quote=“jdsmith”]The question I used to ask myself was, “Can I see myself with this person in 20 years?”
No turning back after that.
Good luck![/quote]
That’s what I ask myself everyday and still can’t find the answer, or maybe I don’t want to find the answer … yet … for some reason. :s
Anyway, staying friends is a possibility but a risky one, he might still hope you don’t mean it.
Lot’s of Taiwanese have a live like this (as your boy friend), work is more important than private life.
If I had the choice, which I don’t have at this moment, I really want to work to be able to live … the good life … but at this moment I’m just living to work … not good, not good and I know it. I suppose your, (ex) boy friend to be, possibly doesn’t know the difference.
But taking the step is your thing to do, we can’t tell you what you should do … good luck
My mother always says … enjoy life and right she is.
Ugh. I swear to sam some days I think he is psychic. I call him up to make plans to talk. I tell him around 8. He says he wants to meet up earlier so we can have dinner and go shopping. I say “shopping” and he says “You need a swimsuit so you can come to the beach when I go”.
???
Now my major complaints are a) that he hasn’t taken me out to dinner (or any sort of date) for 2 months and b) that when he has time off (rarely) he always goes to the beach without me instead of spending any time with me at all. :s
I swear!! He confuses me.
I know this sounds weak and all, but I want to see where this goes. Maybe he might actually start putting me in his scedule? Looks like a start?
Then again, he might not actually be psychic. I did kinda bitch him out last night. Which I never do. He said “I will call you when I finish working” and I said “I won’t wait up”
Not really a bitch out. But when talking about someone as passive as I am (I know it is hard to believe, but offline I am actually quite passive)
who knows.
Sometimes walking to a new SO is easier than walking away from an old one. If he isn’t going to go out with you, make a date with someone else. How many nice, single men are there just on Forumosa? Raise your hands!
Oh, I see Stray Dog’s hand up, right there in the back!
[quote=“belgian pie”]
Lot’s of Taiwanese have a live like this (as your boy friend), work is more important than private life.
If I had the choice, which I don’t have at this moment, I really want to work to be able to live … the good life … but at this moment I’m just living to work … not good, not good and I know it. I suppose your, (ex) boy friend to be, possibly doesn’t know the difference.[/quote]
And you know the difference, because what, you’re Belgian? Puh-leease! I’m sure “lot’s” of Taiwanese also wish they could do it differently.
For F.O.B.: if you do decide to end things, you have to go into the conversation with a prepared goal in your mind. As in: I will not be with you by the end of this conversation, etc…
In big emotional talks, it’s easy to lose sight of what you wanted intially for all the emotion, pleading etc. that comes up.
SOF, all the best. I hope he changes… my bf changes every little tiny little habit, that I bitch about within a few days. I can’t find a reason to leave him…
Hope it works out for you. I’d rather have the flu than go through the emotional wringer.[/quote]
Haha. I would too. At least when you have the flu you know you will be better in a week.
He doesn’t use forumosa. Frankly, I don’t think his english is good enough to.
Oh girl…I feel for you! Breaking up sucks! Especially if the person you are breaking up with is someone who you still love.
I know better than to offer someone in your position advice. Whatever the right decision is, I usually choose the wrong one. I only hope you have the strength to make the decision that is best for you. And remember that no matter what you are going through right now: “This too shall pass!”
[quote=“SuchAFob”]Ugh. I swear to sam some days I think he is psychic. I call him up to make plans to talk. I tell him around 8. He says he wants to meet up earlier so we can have dinner and go shopping. I say “shopping” and he says “You need a swimsuit so you can come to the beach when I go”.
???
Now my major complaints are a) that he hasn’t taken me out to dinner (or any sort of date) for 2 months and b) that when he has time off (rarely) he always goes to the beach without me instead of spending any time with me at all. :s
I swear!! He confuses me.
[/quote]
I’ve no idea but it sounds as he rather wants to live his own life and include you whenever he chooses or is in need of some company. :s
and right she is.
